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Original poster

Baby Shower Advise - Would you pay?

70 replies

Rkmmof · 20/05/2025 14:25

Hello, Im planning on organising my own baby shower in a few months time towards the end of my pregnancy and just wanted to know the opinions of others (both those who have hosted and guests) in regards to food and venues.

Im expecting twins and my shower will be sometime in the first 2 weeks of Aug (perfect timing to be hot, sweaty and the size of a house lol)
Currently torn between hosting a garden party at my house with a buffet and booking a venue with perhaps a set menu (afternoon tea/ lunchtime menu with choices)

My question is, if you hosted/were invited to a baby shower at a venue which provides the catering, would you being the host pick up the tab or is it acceptable to ask those invited to cover the cost of their meals? (happy to buy everyone a welcome drink of their choice)

I will choose whichever option is going to be the cheapest wether thats suppling a small buffet for the amount of guests if hosting at home or having to pay a fee to hire a function room and somehow politely wording for guests to pay for their own food. As we obviously have plenty to buy for the babies arrivals but I would like the opportunity to celebrate our new additions with our nearest and dearest.

TIA 🤍

OP posts:
plodding5 · 20/05/2025 14:49

If I were invited to a baby shower in someone’s house or in a venue (such as a hall) I would expect food and drink to be provided however if it was a restaurant with a sit down meal, I would probably expect to pay for my own meal and maybe a few bottles of Prosecco on the table paid for by the host.

BeNiceWhenItsFinished · 20/05/2025 14:54

Just do afternoon tea at the house. Tea/coffee, cake, biscuits, a few sandwiches, fruit juice and some prosecco if anyone wants some. Free location and ideal for you to put your feet up or have a nap if you need to.

Don't over-think it. Really. Don't. People are going to buy baby gifts, and aren't going to want to pay for an event as well.

MauraLabingi · 20/05/2025 14:55

If you host a party at home and provide catering, you pay. You can ask people to bring a dish, eg a salad or cake, and you can ask them to BYOB, but you cannot ask them for money.

Are you hosting a baby shower in order to get presents? Assuming not! Since few people are that grabby I'm guessing you primarily want to have a last get together with friends before the baby comes? If so I would just call it a get together, not a baby shower. Have a baby celebration cake and balloons by all means! It won't affect how many presents you get because the same people will buy you a gift after the babies are born anyway. And by not creating your own party titled "bring me gifts" you will also come off a lot nicer...

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TomatoSandwiches · 20/05/2025 14:55

Any party you choose to host you pay for.
I wouldn't attend any baby shower but I presume the guests buy baby or mother a gift from a registry, is this what you are doing?

MauraLabingi · 20/05/2025 14:56

Oh my giddy aunt, people have registries? If that's what you're doing OP, you absolutely can't expect people to contribute in any way towards food. You need to treat it the same as a wedding instead.

CapitalAtRisk · 20/05/2025 14:57

So you want me to buy you a gift, and you want me to pay towards your totally unecessary party?

Nope.

Cynic17 · 20/05/2025 14:59

OP, if you are inviting people to your party - which you are - then you absolutely need to pay. You can't send people a bill!
If this makes it too expensive then either cut the numbers or change the venue. What's wrong with just having tea/coffee and cake at home?
Also, be aware that many people really aren't keen on baby showers, and they feel obliged to bring a gift too!

Lookingforwardto2025 · 20/05/2025 14:59

If I were invited to a baby shower in a restaurant I would assume that I was paying for my own meal and would bring a small gift such as a pack of muslins.

If at a home or village hall type venue I would assume the host was paying and would bring a bottle of nozecco and a gift with several items for mum and baby.

HundredPercentUnsure · 20/05/2025 15:00

If you want a party at home, host and cater a party.

If you want to go out for a meal with friends, do that. They can pay for themselves but make sure they get some say in selecting the restaurant.

The whole concept of baby showers is bonkers to me.

HenDoNot · 20/05/2025 15:01

I’ve only ever been to baby showers where the host has paid - whether that’s brunch at a venue, or a gathering in their home.

Lets be honest - you’re doing it for the presents (as much as I’m sure you’re going to reply saying of course you’re not expecting gifts) and then people will also be expected to buy you another gift once the baby is actually born. It’s really cheeky to ask people to pay for a party/gathering that you want, too.

Original poster
Rkmmof · 20/05/2025 15:10

MauraLabingi · 20/05/2025 14:55

If you host a party at home and provide catering, you pay. You can ask people to bring a dish, eg a salad or cake, and you can ask them to BYOB, but you cannot ask them for money.

Are you hosting a baby shower in order to get presents? Assuming not! Since few people are that grabby I'm guessing you primarily want to have a last get together with friends before the baby comes? If so I would just call it a get together, not a baby shower. Have a baby celebration cake and balloons by all means! It won't affect how many presents you get because the same people will buy you a gift after the babies are born anyway. And by not creating your own party titled "bring me gifts" you will also come off a lot nicer...

Definitely not hosting in aid for people to buy things for me, my thoughts are more for having twins means I probably wont want to entertain visitors for the first few weeks (especially with probably having a c-section and recovering from that too) so its more like a get together to celebrate the pregnancy, and to socialise with friends and family before I loose track of what day were on once the babies are here as I'll be in survival mode 😂

OP posts:
UseNailOil · 20/05/2025 15:11

You can’t organise a party for yourself in a restaurant and expect people to pay for it and buy you a present. Just no.

Have it at home. Make it really simple and sweet and don’t be grabby. The nicest baby shower I went to was afternoon tea. The hostess’s mum and auntie had made home made cakes and scones. Her sister did all the cups of tea. She asked everyone just to bring a book for the baby. She got a lovely selection of all the classics - The Tiger Who Came To Tea etc. if people are flush/ generous they can buy the complete world of Beatrix Potter, can’t they.

Needmoresleep89 · 20/05/2025 15:11

I think it’s fine as long as it’s clear they will have to pay for their own afternoon tea etc and you won’t be upset if they decline. Also, every shower I’ve been to that has done it this way, the host has stated no gifts.

LlynTegid · 20/05/2025 15:12

Would not pay, but would be looking for a reason not to attend as I don't like them anyway.

MumChp · 20/05/2025 15:16

I have stopped paying for attention things like this. I don't mind a present but paying food + present, no.

TheignT · 20/05/2025 15:17

I've only been to one. It was in a room in a pub which was free. Friends of the mum did a buffet. Everyone paid for their own drinks. It was a nice get together.

Spirallingdownwards · 20/05/2025 15:18

Whilst your pregnancy is special to you and your partner (and possibly some of your family members) generally people don't "celebrate" other people's pregnancies but may celebrate when the bay is born. Baby showers are usually thrown by someone else in the US for the mother not by the mum themself.

If invited to a baby shower in a restaurant where I was paying to have a meal potentially with a group of people I may not even know then I would pass because I hate divvying up bills knowing some people will take the piss with drinks and extras etc even if supposed to be a fixed price, even more so with random I may not know. So I would suggest a baby shower at home or a hall which you pay for whether a buffet or drinks and nibbles. At home you could at least ask please bring a contribution dish for the buffet but even this may put people off.

Spirallingdownwards · 20/05/2025 15:20

UseNailOil · 20/05/2025 15:11

You can’t organise a party for yourself in a restaurant and expect people to pay for it and buy you a present. Just no.

Have it at home. Make it really simple and sweet and don’t be grabby. The nicest baby shower I went to was afternoon tea. The hostess’s mum and auntie had made home made cakes and scones. Her sister did all the cups of tea. She asked everyone just to bring a book for the baby. She got a lovely selection of all the classics - The Tiger Who Came To Tea etc. if people are flush/ generous they can buy the complete world of Beatrix Potter, can’t they.

Edited

You can always get the Complete Works of Beatrix Potter on offer for £24.99!

Tiredofwhataboutery · 20/05/2025 15:21

I’d just host a potluck in the garden everyone can bring a dish / bottle and share. You do plates / glasses / cutlery and nibbles/ nice bread.

Rtato · 20/05/2025 15:23

I’d have a party afterwards. You can pass the babies round, have a little break, and enjoy a glass of wine! People will feel rude if they come empty handed if you have the party before (even if you tell them not to), so this way they won’t feel they have to get you something both before and after. You’ll also probably appreciate lots of nappies in the right size when the babies arrive and not having to find a place to store them or giving them away if the size is wrong!

Roundaboot · 20/05/2025 15:23

It's very bad form to throw your own baby shower. Traditionally, the mum's friends or family would organise it as the prime purpose was to get gifts for the baby - very grabby to organise your own!

If you want to get everyone together before you have your baby, then phrase it like that and have it at home.

PeachyCalm · 20/05/2025 15:24

Have hosted my own and been to many. Never had to pay as a guest and didn’t charge anyone to come to mine

Sunseeker83 · 20/05/2025 15:25

I have been to a lot of baby showers. In houses, in restaurant bar/ venues, online during Covid times. I really don’t understand why Mumsnet thinks they are so odd, everyone has them! At a house I would expect it to be catered. In a restaurant/ venue then guests would pay for their own share. I have, however, never been to one that’s been organised by the mother to be. They are always organised by friends. It would be those friends organising that would cover the cost of the catering/drinks etc if a house venue. Often the dad to be stumps up a contribution towards the cost.

mixedcereal · 20/05/2025 15:25

sorry to be blunt you cannot expect people to pay towards a baby shower. If you’re hosting an (unnecessary) event then you have to pay for attendees. If you can’t pay for them, then you can’t afford the event.

making it as cheap as possible for yourself, whilst putting the costs onto your guests and probably expecting presents is very very unreasonable

lovemycbf · 20/05/2025 15:26

You can’t expect people to pay!
if you invite you pay. The other option you mentioned you host at home and do a buffet/afternoon tea sounds much better tbh