What do your 18, 19, 20 yr old kids do if they're not at uni or college?

[User57713]

I've got one ds19 who has left school and is working in a clothes shop. He didn't know what he wanted to do at college, didn't get grades for uni, so took this job. He works hard but he's been there almost a year now and he's getting restless.

But still doesn't know what he wants to do.

What are your kids of a similar age and situation doing? Travelling, working in shops, Burger King, staying in bed all day? 3 hours a day in the gym or lying in bed? Volunteering?

We're looking for some inspiration really in the hope that something sparks his imagination, or if anyone has any ideas we haven't thought of.

He's a hard worker, I know he'll figure it out and be successful in time, but he's feeling a bit lost right now

He could look on.gov at apprenticeships. This is just the right time and there is quite a variety.

Look out for jobs working on the railways. They often offer quite decent pay without needing a degree. I gather one of my DCs' friends who didn't go to university is earning quite decent money in a railways-related job, but I don't know exactly what he does.

Another friend of DC who did A levels but didn't go to university is working as an NHS technician at a hospital.

BA Apprenticeships are well worth a look, they've got them in a variety of different sectors. My niece did one a few years ago now and loves the job, she met a great group of people. Apprentices. Jet2 do them too, in different areas Apprenticeships Jobs | Jet2Careers. Or cabin crew? Wizz Air are currently recruiting so if he was at all interested he could go to one of the open day recruitment centres and find out more (dates across may and june) Cabin Crew Recruitment Days. They have the opportunity to swap between bases, so if he got the job and a few years down the line decided he would like to live abroad he could swap to a different base

DS is 18, almost 19. He wasn't sure about going to university so since doing his A levels last year, he's worked in a shop and a bar. He went travelling last summer (funded by his previous part time job) and has more planned for this summer. Some of his friends are at university, and he's been to visit a few of them by train. He's been to lots of concerts with his friends and sometimes comes out with us, if he's not got anything better on! In between his jobs he has done some mystery shopping.

He's decided to go to university in September, as have his 2 best friends who have also been working in shops / leisure centre / restaurants in the meantime. Like us, their parents are happy with whatever our kids do, but do expect them to be either working or studying, or at least doing their best to look for work unless ill. DS pays a small monthly contribution to us, and pays for his own social life and travelling out of what he earns.

Neither of mine wanted to go to uni so finished education after college at 18. 1 got a 4 year business apprenticeship & the other got a permanent full-time job in admin. Both started in the September after they finished college in the July.

DC2 got a promotion within 7 months of starting which they are loving & DC1 still has just over a year to go. Is hoping for a permanent position there once they have qualified.

Very proud of them both as neither knew what they wanted to do other than not go to uni & they are both doing amazingly well & enjoying the roles they got.

I think it’s really tricky but also exciting @User57713
maybe he can carve his week up with something from the following areas and really try and pack it so he feels busy: -

• earning money and maybe changes from retail (I hated retail and loved bar work and nice restaurants).
• Pushing himself on a hobby - music or sport or learning something new..
• Pushing himself on volunteering even a couple of hours a week somewhere like a Food Bank.
• self care - gym, run, cycle.
• seeing friends and trying to arrange something different every few weeks - whether it’s bar, or activity or different place to meet.

Fill each day and evening with something from the list above. Maybe schedule it out to start with in calendar.
Then plan something bigger as well - can he ski? He could do a ski season next year in Japan?
Trek through South America?
what skills are useful to learn whilst he’s traveling? TEFL? Instructor in some kind of sport? Bar - cocktail course? barista? Add these to the list.
can he study something vocational? Or do something online - even if it’s a Microsoft admin course.

i wish him lots of luck. It’s great he’s working. Not everything has to be achieved over night. Everyone is on their own journey and timeline - just keep things varied out of these different types of groups and dream big xx

My 19 year old is doing an electrician apprenticeship, this is the end of his 2nd year and he loves it!

Apologies if I’ve misunderstood your post @User57713 I can see others have listed more types of jobs and entry levels after college.
I was thinking more, if he was getting a bit despondent and how to keep him energised whilst he’s looking and figuring out x

My 19 year old is an aircraft dispatcher, went for the job of baggage handler somehow managed to be put forward to be a dispatcher currently doing training for JetBlue & virgin he’s thoroughly enjoying it and loves his job - he didn’t get many qualifications at school didn’t overly enjoy it but is thriving. I guess you just have to chat about your sons interests , my son worked in Tesco, in a restaurant kitchen prior to this, he just had no direction.

he does need to learn to drive as hours are awful, it’s not mega well paid but for now he’s gaining valuable experience, skills and confidence to go on to do something else,

What did he do between school and starting the apprenticeship?

@Shimmyshine193 he done a “pre apprenticeship” year at college, he left it late in applying for apprenticeships that year, so he was just going to get job until he could apply for apprenticeships the following year but we found this course, they were at college 5 weeks and then 5 weeks unpaid work placements but it gave him the opportunity to make sure it was what he wanted to do & give him the extra experience when applying for the apprenticeships the following year.

Thank you. It's good to hear some different stories. Ds was at quite an academic school and it feels to him like everyone is sorted apart from him, most of his pals are at uni or working in office jobs.

We're not rushing him. He's working hard, even though it's in a pretty basic job. He's able to contribute a bit at home, run a (very old) car, pays for all his own clothes, socialising and whatnot.

But I just think he's feeling a bit like that's not good enough? He says he hates being asked what he's doing, is he at uni, what are his plans? And he says he doesn't feel like his answers are good enough.

He hasn't considered anything airline-related. I think he might enjoy some sort of baggage handler type thing, maybe that could lead on to something else eventually? I don't think he thinks working in Primark is really much of a career plan. There is a big railway station and a depot quite near us but we haven't noticed anything interesting coming up there yet.

He has an eye out for apprenticeships but many of them round our way seem to be finance or office based and he's not keen on that right now.

@Lilactimes thank you for your way of looking at things. That's helpful. He could definitely do a bit more in some of those areas to keep himself motivated.

I honestly think he'll find his way with a bit of time, but right now it feels tough. There are almost too many choices, he doesn't really know which way to go. And he's putting himself under pressure, even though I remind him he's not even 20 yet.

Argh, it's hard. I'm so glad I'm not a teenager

I think when you're young it's better to do something rather than nothing. Look for things that offer challenge and opportunity.

The other thing I found helpful when I embarked on my second career was the Japanese concept of Ikigai.

My son is 21 and got a vocational qualification (during Covid so was not able to do the essential work experience) but is working in a men’s boutique since 2021, part time then when at college now full time. His contemporaries who didn’t go to uni are doing similar (one dropped out and is working for a landscape company) or working in their family businesses (building, IT etc). Lucky them they haven’t had to apply for jobs.
My son enjoys his work (he does some modelling for the shop at wedding fairs and online, also does a bit of social media for them), but it’s not his passion. But a mix of (lack of) confidence and opportunity to do anything else and he’s ok where he is for the moment.
But frankly I’m happy he’s busy and has time to do his sport after work. I figure he’ll branch out when he’s ready. It’s been a tough road to get where he is currently.
Give your son time and just be supportive. Any suggestions from me falls on deaf ears. He knows there’s stuff out there but for whatever reason doesn’t feel ready for a change. It might be confidence which I hope will come with some more maturity. But also, there’s nothing wrong working in retail.

My DD is doing an apprenticeship and was recently offered a permanent job when it finishes!
I encouraged her to do an apprenticeship rather than Uni - we did the open days and she did get a place but she would have enjoyed it too much and not done any work!

Royal Opera House does some really amazing apprenticeships. Closing dates are around now, But they are normally varied, interesting and better paid than many others

There is a campaign to recruit train drivers at the moment. Is that something he would consider?

I figure he’ll branch out when he’s ready. It’s been a tough road to get where he is currently.
Give your son time and just be supportive. Any suggestions from me falls on deaf ears. He knows there’s stuff out there but for whatever reason doesn’t feel ready for a change. It might be confidence which I hope will come with some more maturity

That sounds familiar and reassuring, thank you.

He looked at being a bus driver, you need 12 months of having passed your driving test and that's coming up for him in late June.

Train driver- it looks like you need to be 21 right now but there's a plan to drop the minimum age which comes into place towards the end of the year. So he may well be interested in that.

We do look regularly at apprenticeship opportunities but round our way there seem to be 25 childcare modern apprenticeships, 15 finance or admin modern apprenticeships and hardly anything else. It's strange. We'll keep looking.

Thanks for your suggestions and experiences. It's helpful.

My DS1 left school with no idea of what he wanted to do. He was reasonably bright but very lazy at school and just wanted to make music.
Fell into care work , did health and social care qualifications and worked two jobs.. support work and as a TA in special school while making music in his spare time.
Then he met an Aussie on holiday here! ...fast forward a few years and he lives in Adelaide now (permanently ..they are married!)! Got a manufacturing job (makes parts for Tesla) as his day job but plays gigs and also now promotes music in Australia...never going to be rich but works his day job and then has time for his passion.
My other two went the traditional route (one's a nurse , one's a doctor) but I have to say his life is less stressful 😁
Sometimes it takes a while to find their thing, or they need to try different jobs til the right one comes along and that's ok.
My 4th child is at ASDA for life (he has autism and learning difficulties and we are so grateful they gave him a chance)... he has more savings than I will ever have and enjoys the routine!

Mine are little but a friend's daughter has just qualified as an air hostess (she's 19, childhood dream) and another friend's 18 year old is working in events and hospitality in a posh hotel (not enjoying it and looking to move on soon, she has done it since she was 16).

Does he have a passion? My DD is a total foodie. She’s 16 and studying for igce’s. We home school. She’s worked locally on a deli counter and passed her HACCP specifically to apply to high end food halls in London. She has her eye on a food buyer apprenticeship. She’s planning to study food tech at college in a year or two.

19yr old worked in retail then buying cars for well known uk business and now working for a construction recruitment company still not much more than minimum wage but experience I guess

An apprenticeship is definitely the way to go brickie electrician plumber. He’ll earn good money and wil always get a job

So happy for your Austic child that’s great