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Original poster

Would you claim csa after 15 years?

79 replies

101hiccups · 10/05/2025 15:22

Would you claim csa in the situation. Dd is coming up 15. There has not been any contact with her father since i was pregnant. She has never met him.

He is married with a child. I wouldn't want to course any upset .

Dd tried to contact him via Facebook 3 times over the past year. No reply.

OP posts:
lifeisgoodrightnow · 11/05/2025 20:20

I think you do want to cause trouble. You’ve mentioned he is married and has a child and has ignored your daughter’s attempts at contact on Facebook. I think you’re sore. I don’t blame you btw but at least be honest with yourself. Go for it.

Original poster
101hiccups · 11/05/2025 20:25

Ffs this thread 🤣 its like that game where someone starts a story . The next person add a bit and so on. Can't wait for the next part 🤣

The child is 12. Yes i did tell him i was pregnant. He was not in a relationship when we were seeing each other.

The reason I didn't claim is it just didn't feel right. Cost of living has changed things.

OP posts:
Bloozie · 11/05/2025 20:25

No, not after all this time.

Boreded · 11/05/2025 20:31

101hiccups · 11/05/2025 20:25

Ffs this thread 🤣 its like that game where someone starts a story . The next person add a bit and so on. Can't wait for the next part 🤣

The child is 12. Yes i did tell him i was pregnant. He was not in a relationship when we were seeing each other.

The reason I didn't claim is it just didn't feel right. Cost of living has changed things.

Edited

If he genuinely knew about there being a baby in the world that was his and just checked out then that is his loss, and your daughter will know that she had you to love her and look after her.

personally I wouldn’t go for the money because I would want nothing to do with him. But you are 💯 entitled to it, and even if you don’t spend it and just save it for your daughter for a house etc then it could be worth it.

Pherian · 11/05/2025 20:35

101hiccups · 10/05/2025 16:04

There's still 3 years left that he would have to pay. Which could be helpful when money is short but it also doesn't feel right after all this time.

Show quote history

7 if she stays in full time education.

SalfordQuays · 11/05/2025 20:36

peeweehill · 10/05/2025 16:07

Sorry op what is csa.
If its child maintenance tbvh no i would not bother with it you dont need his pity money.
You done a good job so far and what your child has you have got it for her.
He can never say he did this or that i paid for that i gave you money for this that and the other.
YOU did it YOU paid YOU raised her.
He missed out and will continue to miss out.
Dont go chasing a man to be a dad or for anything when he didnt want to be around in the first place he`s not worth the time.
A few more years she will be an adult and you can say you did that without him.

Pride doesn’t pay the bills!

Lucyccfc68 · 11/05/2025 20:40

Botanybaby · 11/05/2025 19:12

Do you deserve it if you bedded a man who was married with a kid

‘If’ he was married with a kid, then he should have kept his dick in his pants and not got someone else pregnant. He should have been paying from the start.

ConstantlyTired312 · 11/05/2025 20:49

Botanybaby · 11/05/2025 19:12

Do you deserve it if you bedded a man who was married with a kid

Judgemental!
You are assuming that the OP knew about this relationship before getting pregnant? And that the other child is older than OPs?

Emmz1510 · 11/05/2025 20:51

Botanybaby · 11/05/2025 19:12

Do you deserve it if you bedded a man who was married with a kid

I read it as he got married and had another kid after his kid with the OP….

CandidHedgehog · 11/05/2025 20:58

ThejoyofNC · 11/05/2025 20:14

Who on earth besides take a break style magazines, uses the word "bedded"?

People who have been reading far too many trashy historical romances? And don’t understand they aren’t even vaguely realistic?

Sjh15 · 11/05/2025 21:02

I would.
Money is money. Cost of living and all that. He knows about her, decides not to reply to her, so shouldn’t be a shock

Butterflyarms · 11/05/2025 21:02

101hiccups · 11/05/2025 20:25

Ffs this thread 🤣 its like that game where someone starts a story . The next person add a bit and so on. Can't wait for the next part 🤣

The child is 12. Yes i did tell him i was pregnant. He was not in a relationship when we were seeing each other.

The reason I didn't claim is it just didn't feel right. Cost of living has changed things.

Edited

I would just go after him for it. Who cares how long it has been. He should be embarrassed he's let it go this long. He was 50 per cent responsible for making your daughter!

Dweetfidilove · 11/05/2025 21:03

Never mind his upset. He's ignored his child after repeated contact.

The best time to claim is whenever you deem it necessary to do so. He's had 15 free years. Teenagers are bloody expensive, and even if you don't need it, she does. It could make a nice little nest egg for her.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 11/05/2025 21:05

101hiccups · 11/05/2025 20:25

Ffs this thread 🤣 its like that game where someone starts a story . The next person add a bit and so on. Can't wait for the next part 🤣

The child is 12. Yes i did tell him i was pregnant. He was not in a relationship when we were seeing each other.

The reason I didn't claim is it just didn't feel right. Cost of living has changed things.

Edited

How could it not seem right? Is your child not worth basic money from their father? Bizarre!

Dweetfidilove · 11/05/2025 21:05

Botanybaby · 11/05/2025 19:12

Do you deserve it if you bedded a man who was married with a kid

🤨🙄🙄.

2021x · 11/05/2025 21:06

Yes, and see if you can get back pay.

It’s not your fault he can’t handle the responsibilities of having a penis.

SmallSnooze · 11/05/2025 21:07

Yes (starts day you claim, no back pay!) so put the claim in if you have contact details for him and he can be found.

Snugglemonkey · 11/05/2025 21:09

Botanybaby · 11/05/2025 19:12

Do you deserve it if you bedded a man who was married with a kid

Deserve it? The child deserves it, 100%. Whether the mother deserves it is neither here nor there. But why would op not deserve it?

tachetastic · 11/05/2025 21:10

101hiccups · 11/05/2025 20:25

Ffs this thread 🤣 its like that game where someone starts a story . The next person add a bit and so on. Can't wait for the next part 🤣

The child is 12. Yes i did tell him i was pregnant. He was not in a relationship when we were seeing each other.

The reason I didn't claim is it just didn't feel right. Cost of living has changed things.

Edited

So he knew there was a baby from the beginning. Was the choice for him not to have contact his choice (lack of interest) or your choice (not wanting him in your lives)?

If he knew about the kid and you did not deny him the opportunity to have a relationship with her without good reason (abuse, drugs etc), then absolutely ask for the money.

If you didn't allow contact simply because you didn't want him around, then it seems harsh to expect him to pay if you didn't allow him to have a relationship with his daughter and it was not because of anything he had done.

Digdongdoo · 11/05/2025 21:14

Yes, claim! Doesn't matter how long you waited or why. Money is money, and he should have stepped up from the start. Even if all you do is save it, or let her spend it on shoes.

Starlightstarbright4 · 11/05/2025 21:20

yanbu .

Teenagers are expensive . your Dc is entitled to a quality of life .

ignore the judgements from them living in suburbia

DurinsBane · 11/05/2025 23:02

101hiccups · 11/05/2025 20:25

Ffs this thread 🤣 its like that game where someone starts a story . The next person add a bit and so on. Can't wait for the next part 🤣

The child is 12. Yes i did tell him i was pregnant. He was not in a relationship when we were seeing each other.

The reason I didn't claim is it just didn't feel right. Cost of living has changed things.

Edited

How has the child gone from almost 15 to 12? 😁

Original poster
101hiccups · 11/05/2025 23:26

DurinsBane · 11/05/2025 23:02

How has the child gone from almost 15 to 12? 😁

Show quote history

This was in response to people saying I slept with a married man.

The child he had with his wife. That he met after me is 12.

My dd is 15 meaning we slept together before he was in a relationship with his current wife.

OP posts:
Welshmonster · 11/05/2025 23:31

Yes send him a child maintenance bill. It’s money for your daughter. It won’t help build a relationship with her dad but will help her get started financially.

DevonMum123 · 12/05/2025 07:21

Definitely you can and should without a doubt.
You are obviously a strong proud lady who decided to do it alone years ago. But if your mortgage payments doubled like ours in past year, your electricity has doubled, buses to college are expensive just any of the stuff we are all going through, you don't need to explain. You should claim, it's for your child.
It's absolutely irrelevant how many years later it is.

As for messages o Facebook, if stranger sends message on Facebook it goes into hidden folder that most people don't even know exists and you get no notification. It might be that he didn't see it. (Just hoping as it might easy your child's pain)