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Original poster

DS strangled at school - would you follow up?

65 replies

Esgaroth · 07/05/2025 21:04

DS is 7 years old. I received a phone call from his class teacher today to inform me that he had been attacked in the classroom by another boy, who I will call Jack but obviously that is not his real name.

Jack and DS were having a verbal argument about cheating in a game they had been playing and Jack then slapped DS, bit his face and then placed his hands round my DS' throat and strangled him. DS did not retaliate, he was just trying to get away.

The teacher was able to separate them soon after Jack grabbed my DS' throat so he was only very briefly strangled and there are no marks on his neck, thank goodness. He does have a bite mark on his face. He was very frightened.

The teacher said that he had comforted DS and spoken to Jack and that Jack had then apologised to DS. The teacher said that DS wasn't upset for long and went off to after school club happily.

I went to pick him up right after the phone call as I was worried about him. He told me in his own words what happened and it tallied with what the teacher had told me. He did say that Jack had 'raged' at him (by which I think he means that Jack lost control) and he was really scared, but that he was feeling OK now.

I'm happy with how it was dealt with as a one off incident but should I follow up with this due to the severity of the violence? I consider strangling to be quite a way beyond slapping and pushing or even biting and I hate to think what would have happened if the teacher had been just a bit later in separating them.

It's not bullying and I don't want to overreact but at the same time I don't want to let DS down. Would you leave it there or is there something else we should be asking about?

OP posts:
MiloMinderbinder925 · 07/05/2025 21:07

I'd want them to ensure it doesn't happen again as they have a duty of care.

Gundogday · 07/05/2025 21:12

I think that’s pretty violent and I would follow up. Jack did three aggressive acts - slapping, biting and strangling. That’s serious violence.

I’m not sure whether a one-off episode can be called bullying, but that’s irrelevant. Jack showed a level of violence that shoujdn’t be seen in any school, and your son was frightened. You need to know what actions are being taken to prevent this happening again. Don’t let the school fob you off by excusing the boy (for sen/adhd/family background etc reasons) , you need to advocate for your child and his safety.

(disclaimer - I know ADHD and sen etc doesn’t result in violent children, but some people use it as an excuse)

BeeCucumber · 07/05/2025 21:12

I wouldn’t let this be brushed under the carpet. Jack needs to be kept away from your DS and you should ask for very strong boundaries to be put in to protect your son.

OurManyEnds · 07/05/2025 21:13

This happened to my son as the final incident in a long line from one boy - I insisted they were separated. Unfortunately my son had to he the one to move classes as the other kid couldn’t cope with change as he had behavioural issues. But - it had to be done really before it got worse as they got bigger and stronger.

SullysBabyMama · 07/05/2025 21:24

I would email the deputy head or head.
Describe what happened according to DC. Include that teacher told the same version of events.
Include photo of the injury to your child’s face as she may not have seen it.
Say something about being in shock at the time/ focus was on your DC but now you would like to know how school are ensuring this doesn’t happen again so that you can reassure DC.

It’s a paper record with photos. Incase it happens again or they attempt to minimise it.
If the teacher needs more support and her asking herself hasn’t gotten anywhere- a little push from parents does wonders.
If the child needs more support this is documented correctly hopefully.

Original poster
Esgaroth · 07/05/2025 21:58

@SullysBabyMama Thank you, that's very helpful to know exactly the sort of steps that would be effective in protecting DS and hopefully helping the other boy as well.

OP posts:
CaptainFuture · 07/05/2025 22:02

BeeCucumber · 07/05/2025 21:12

I wouldn’t let this be brushed under the carpet. Jack needs to be kept away from your DS and you should ask for very strong boundaries to be put in to protect your son.

This, and please ignore any posters on here or any messages from school to 'forget and forgive and move on.... oh poor 'jack' let's focus on him and making sure he's OK... its all about him'...

ARichtGoodDram · 07/05/2025 22:04

I would absolutely follow up. Putting his hands on your son's neck and strangling is massive and needs dealt with in an appropriately serious way.

Original poster
Esgaroth · 07/05/2025 22:04

OurManyEnds · 07/05/2025 21:13

This happened to my son as the final incident in a long line from one boy - I insisted they were separated. Unfortunately my son had to he the one to move classes as the other kid couldn’t cope with change as he had behavioural issues. But - it had to be done really before it got worse as they got bigger and stronger.

I'm really sorry that happened to your boy and well done for standing up for him.

In this case this is only the first incident other than a few minor pushing incidents over the years that have not been targeted at my son specifically. It was more a case of 'Jack' completely losing his rag over a silly argument about who won a card game. I don't expect it to be repeated but I agree it would be good to have it on record in case it is.

OP posts:
BellesAndGraces · 07/05/2025 22:05

I’m surprised you have to ask tbh.

Original poster
Esgaroth · 07/05/2025 22:07

What should I be asking to see specifically? A plan that involves closer supervision of Jack or will that be none of my business? An agreement that they will not be near each other?

OP posts:
Gundogday · 07/05/2025 22:09

Esgaroth · 07/05/2025 22:04

I'm really sorry that happened to your boy and well done for standing up for him.

In this case this is only the first incident other than a few minor pushing incidents over the years that have not been targeted at my son specifically. It was more a case of 'Jack' completely losing his rag over a silly argument about who won a card game. I don't expect it to be repeated but I agree it would be good to have it on record in case it is.

Show quote history

That last sentance worries me. Why did Jack loose his rag over something so insignificant as a ‘silly card game’. It’s such minor trigger.

Also. as @CaptainFuture says, if they start talking about ‘Poor Jack’, he’s not your concern, your son is.

wafflesmgee · 07/05/2025 22:09

all schools will have a record system for these incidents and the teacher phoned you so first of all let’s not say they are pushing it under the carpet, that’s not the case.

your poor son, I hope he is ok and am so glad the teacher saw and intervened.

i would 1. Email to record everything that happened plus photo for records as above poster has advised, email the head. If Jack needs more support or funding this will help speed up the process.
2 role play what to do next time with your son, just in case, so he feels safe to be assertive. E.g. shout No! Stop! Help! Just because if this were to happen again outside, a teacher and other children could be further away so less likely to realise as quickly.
3 don’t go in all guns blazing, jack could be witnessing domestic abuse every day or have SEN and be in crisis. This still means his behaviour towards your son is unacceptable, but potentially goes some way towards explaining it.
4 accept that if you are in a single form entry school there is simply no way to ensure this won’t happen again, schools don’t have the budgets for staffing required to watch every peer to peer interaction, and policing every second isn’t helpful to children’s development anyway.
5 read the school behaviour policy if it’s on the website or request a copy, then ensure the school follow through every single time.

1SillySossij · 07/05/2025 22:11

The school will have logged it on CPoms or whatever safeguarding system they use, so the relevant staff will have reviewed it.

Gundogday · 07/05/2025 22:11

Good advice from @wafflesmgee , although I would do 5) - read policy, before the other points, so you know where you stand, where the school has failed, and what actions the school should be taking.

CaptainFuture · 07/05/2025 22:13

BellesAndGraces · 07/05/2025 22:05

I’m surprised you have to ask tbh.

I'm surmising @Esgaroth is asking because you see on here in similar situations there's the shock calls of 'how dare you!! Jack obviously regulates by strangling other children. BE KIND! tell your child that Jack needs to strangle them so they need to accept this!!'

wafflesmgee · 07/05/2025 22:13

Also yes strangling is very severe but a child may not realise that if they play fortnight every night until 3am. Again just for context. School may be having to parent Jack because his own parents may not be able to/cant.
id also teach your son to spend as little time as possible with Jack from now on.

LegoTherapy · 07/05/2025 22:13

My son’s school consider this low level behaviour would you believe. There is one child who has strangled another child more than once yet school blather on about being inclusive. There is no way this kind of violence should be minimised and I’ve personally found from my own child’s issues that telling the head I’ll go to the governors gets him to pull his finger out sharpish. It’s disgusting what goes on in schools now and teachers don’t seem to have any power to do anything about it.
I hope your son is ok Flowers

wafflesmgee · 07/05/2025 22:14

Gundogday · 07/05/2025 22:11

Good advice from @wafflesmgee , although I would do 5) - read policy, before the other points, so you know where you stand, where the school has failed, and what actions the school should be taking.

Don’t assume the school have failed though! Teachers are all doing their best in difficult circumstances

INeedAnotherName · 07/05/2025 22:14

If my child was strangled I would be contacting the Police. Slapping and biting end up in injuries, strangling ends up with death. What has that child been watching/seeing at home to make him put his hands around another child's neck?

loropianalover · 07/05/2025 22:15

Take pics asap OP and follow up with the school. I’d be tempted to contact the police given the severity of it - Strangling and face biting at 7 years old, unbelievable…. your DS luckily seems very resilient.

BellesAndGraces · 07/05/2025 22:15

CaptainFuture · 07/05/2025 22:13

I'm surmising @Esgaroth is asking because you see on here in similar situations there's the shock calls of 'how dare you!! Jack obviously regulates by strangling other children. BE KIND! tell your child that Jack needs to strangle them so they need to accept this!!'

Show quote history

Literally only on MN though where you get a concentrated cesspit of people who live in an alternate universe. In the real world, a child strangling another child is a pretty big deal. Perhaps spending time on here skews our view of what’s normal!

thismummyslife · 07/05/2025 22:16

I would have expected the teacher to outline next steps, parents of the other child should have been informed and there should have absolutely have been clear consequences for the other child. Restorative justice should also take place at an appropriate time and other child behaviour should have been recorded officially, in house. Staff members who work alongside both children should have been informed so they can keep an eye on things. I think the head teacher should have had the other parents and child in after school for this!

CaptainFuture · 07/05/2025 22:16

@LegoTherapy how inclusive would they be if the 'need to strangle other children" child gets swiftly punched in the face by the child they were attacking?

Switcher · 07/05/2025 22:17

Not sure people can quite picture how weak a 7 year old "strangling" anyone is. Obviously not acceptable and I'd expect the child to be punished by the school, regardless of whether he said sorry. I'd hope the parents were involved. But I'm not sure what else is supposed to happen. I've noticed people catastrophize small boys behaving violently and tend to want to put the same small girls behaviour into context.