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Original poster

Logistics help child-free wedding and newborn

78 replies

Tafal · 04/05/2025 09:07

My best friend is getting married and my baby will be about 1 month old at that time, and probably ebf if all is going to plan. I am trying to figure out a plan for me going to the wedding but I'm struggling with what to do. It would just be me going and husband would have the kids, just wondering what others would do/have done in a similar situation?

I don't really want to introduce a bottle quite that early just for the sake of an event but also don't know what I'll do if baby is a very frequent feeder (my second was on and off the boob pretty much all day every day at that stage from what I remember). Would it be ridiculous to maybe have husband and kids somewhere near by so that I'd be able to nip to feed the baby before and after the ceremony if needed? I'm not set on being there all day or anything but I'd love to be able to be at the ceremony and a bit of the reception if possible. I'm already missing the hen due to it being right around my due date and want to be at the wedding if I can.

OP posts:
Apksbdv · 04/05/2025 09:11

Honestly if my best friend didn’t allow my one month old baby to her wedding I’d question the friendship. But really I think your only option is to have your husband and baby nearby to feed in between. If I didn’t want to introduce a bottle generally then I wouldn’t just for a wedding

SilverButton · 04/05/2025 09:13

When my DD was three months old and EBF my mum looked after her nearby while DH and I went to the wedding and I popped out regularly to feed her. It was ok but will be harder as your baby is younger.

B1indEye · 04/05/2025 09:13

On the face of it that sounds like the obvious solution but from the fact you're asking I guess there is some kind of geoprhical issue.

Is the venue hours from your home or in the middle of nowhere where the rest of the family would have to sit in the car park?

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atamlin · 04/05/2025 09:15

I wouldn’t go to the wedding personally.

B1indEye · 04/05/2025 09:16

Apksbdv · 04/05/2025 09:11

Honestly if my best friend didn’t allow my one month old baby to her wedding I’d question the friendship. But really I think your only option is to have your husband and baby nearby to feed in between. If I didn’t want to introduce a bottle generally then I wouldn’t just for a wedding

I was never in that position but I think my thoughts would have been that if for what ever reason my best friend didn't want children at her wedding I'd have been a bit of an arse to think she should change that for me, it wouldn't have been my day

BlackeyedSusan · 04/05/2025 09:17

Husband nearby with kids. Express milk if you can beforehand.

My second was different to my first so you may get a longer window than with your first.

Overthebow · 04/05/2025 09:18

A newborn baby should be allowed to be at the wedding if your friend wants you there. Normally babies in arms are fine.

Apksbdv · 04/05/2025 09:19

B1indEye · 04/05/2025 09:16

I was never in that position but I think my thoughts would have been that if for what ever reason my best friend didn't want children at her wedding I'd have been a bit of an arse to think she should change that for me, it wouldn't have been my day

Show quote history

Depends whether having the picture perfect day is more important than your best friend seeing you get married/being there. My best friend had a 2 week old baby at mine and I bent over backwards to make it easy for her as she mattered so much to me and definitely more than having “my day”

WonderingWanda · 04/05/2025 09:20

I wouldn't go unless I could take my newborn. Even then just go for a short time as a wedding and ebf isn't actually that much fun. I hate childfree weddings.

Original poster
Tafal · 04/05/2025 09:20

It's only about 25 mins away from home so that makes it easier but we aren't familiar with the area so will have a look to see what's about for husband to possibly go to with the kids. I wouldn't have them camped in the car park or anything lol!

OP posts:
Tulipsontoast · 04/05/2025 09:21

Bizarre that your friend hasn’t helped with this ‘problem’ by welcoming her best friend and their newborn to the ceremony.

Have Dh nearby.

B1indEye · 04/05/2025 09:21

Apksbdv · 04/05/2025 09:19

Depends whether having the picture perfect day is more important than your best friend seeing you get married/being there. My best friend had a 2 week old baby at mine and I bent over backwards to make it easy for her as she mattered so much to me and definitely more than having “my day”

Show quote history

Well yes but people are different, why would I impose my views on someone else's wedding?

It's not about what you choose to do at your wedding, are you saying this bride isn't allowed to make a different choice to you?

HmmNot · 04/05/2025 09:23

It's unusual not to allow a newborn, even the wedding is generally CF.

I think I'd go to the ceremony, have one glass of fizz afterwards and then leave. I wouldn't try to attend the whole thing.

GnTplease · 04/05/2025 09:23

I had a child free wedding but babies in arms were fine (also a good friend couldn’t get childcare so her 18 month old came along as I’d rather her be there with him than not at all). Maybe speak to her about the situation rather than assume that your baby can’t go?

CurbsideProphet · 04/05/2025 09:24

That's sounds such hard work. At 1 month old my DC wanted feeding extremely regularly. I would decline the invitation politely and save myself the stress.

StClabberts · 04/05/2025 09:24

HmmNot · 04/05/2025 09:23

It's unusual not to allow a newborn, even the wedding is generally CF.

I think I'd go to the ceremony, have one glass of fizz afterwards and then leave. I wouldn't try to attend the whole thing.

Same. It's not a reasonable expectation that the parent of a newborn will leave them for a whole day.

Hoppinggreen · 04/05/2025 09:24

Is the wedding in a Hotel or similar? If so can you get a room even if you are close to home (funds allowing)?
As its not your first Rodeo I am sure you know that babies come when they come, DS (second born) was 17 Days late and I had to miss a friends wedding where DH was Best Man.

moose62 · 04/05/2025 09:33

I really wouldn't go. I went to a wedding with an 8 week old. It was my sisters wedding and she made an exception for my baby. The baby cried non stop and wanted to cluster feed. I spent the majority of the wedding outside the venue with the baby. It was uncomfortable and a huge strain. I would never do it again. Hopefully your birth will be fine and the baby will be chilled but you need to plan what you would do if it isn't!

Apksbdv · 04/05/2025 09:50

B1indEye · 04/05/2025 09:21

Well yes but people are different, why would I impose my views on someone else's wedding?

It's not about what you choose to do at your wedding, are you saying this bride isn't allowed to make a different choice to you?

Show quote history

No but I’m saying that she wouldn’t still be my best friend, she can make that choice but I wouldn’t feel the same to her after that

DockLeaves · 04/05/2025 09:52

Apksbdv · 04/05/2025 09:11

Honestly if my best friend didn’t allow my one month old baby to her wedding I’d question the friendship. But really I think your only option is to have your husband and baby nearby to feed in between. If I didn’t want to introduce a bottle generally then I wouldn’t just for a wedding

This, completely. It wouldn't even occur to me that she'd have an issue with a newborn being there for part of the day. We happily had kids at our wedding though so I'm probably biased.

Sunnyglowdays · 04/05/2025 09:55

At that age you’re little will probably be feeding for at least an hour at a time so you will spend the whole time feeding. By the time DH says baby needs feeding it will take you at least 30 mis to get there (you can’t leave a new born hungry for that long) feed baby which would take at least an hour, the drive back. So you would be gone for two hours and then it would be as little as 30 mins later and the baby will want feeding again.

toastofthetown · 04/05/2025 09:58

When you say you’re reluctant to introduce a bottle, is that bottles in general or formula? If you’re willing to express enough milk for a few hours, then you could leave your baby with your husband for the ceremony and part of reception. My EBF five week old has had expressed milk, paced fed in a Lansinoh bottle about every two or three days since he was two weeks old, and he’s been fine with that. Also depending on your baby, your husband could stall by driving the baby around or pushing them around in the pram, but if you have older kids maybe that’s not as good an option.

Feelingstrange2 · 04/05/2025 10:03

I did it at 3 months.

Daughter refused the bottle from.her aunt on the day and I ended up with full and extremely sore boobs.

I was an hour away and we only went to the day part of the wedding in the end as I had to go home as soon as the reception finished. Luckily it wasn't a very long one.

Digestification · 04/05/2025 10:04

I wouldn’t go. If you go, you’ll probably leak milk through your clothes and your baby will be inconsolable.

Seeline · 04/05/2025 10:08

I wasn't in a fit state at 4 weeks post partum to have gone to a wedding, let alone leave baby and/or try to navigate breast feed a newborn in public.
Finding an outfit to fit, that you can bf in.
Still bleeding heavily.
Just about being able to sit through a ceremony having had stitches.

One of mine flatly refused expressed milk and formula from anything that wasn't me.

I'd send happy thoughts to my friend and spend the day on the sofa in my comfy PJ's/joggers feeding my little one.