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Original poster

Logistics help child-free wedding and newborn

78 replies

Tafal · 04/05/2025 09:07

My best friend is getting married and my baby will be about 1 month old at that time, and probably ebf if all is going to plan. I am trying to figure out a plan for me going to the wedding but I'm struggling with what to do. It would just be me going and husband would have the kids, just wondering what others would do/have done in a similar situation?

I don't really want to introduce a bottle quite that early just for the sake of an event but also don't know what I'll do if baby is a very frequent feeder (my second was on and off the boob pretty much all day every day at that stage from what I remember). Would it be ridiculous to maybe have husband and kids somewhere near by so that I'd be able to nip to feed the baby before and after the ceremony if needed? I'm not set on being there all day or anything but I'd love to be able to be at the ceremony and a bit of the reception if possible. I'm already missing the hen due to it being right around my due date and want to be at the wedding if I can.

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/05/2025 15:05

If you're over your due date baby could only be two weeks

MrsKeats · 04/05/2025 15:06

Apksbdv · 04/05/2025 09:11

Honestly if my best friend didn’t allow my one month old baby to her wedding I’d question the friendship. But really I think your only option is to have your husband and baby nearby to feed in between. If I didn’t want to introduce a bottle generally then I wouldn’t just for a wedding

Totally agree. You can’t alter your baby’s feeding for one wedding.

JoyousEagle · 04/05/2025 15:08

I wouldn’t go. Not in an arsey “well fuck you I'm not coming!” kind of way. But it’s just more hassle and effort than I’m prepared to do for a wedding tbh. I don’t want to spend a fair bit of time breastfeeding in a car park, or running back and forth to somewhere.

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Sunnyglowdays · 04/05/2025 15:27

DaisyChain505 · 04/05/2025 10:27

If my “best friend” was getting married I’d expect my husband and father of my children to be invited too.

Also even with a child free wedding a one month old ebf baby should be allowed.

I wonder if DH is invited but they don’t have any other childcare.

PurpleThistle7 · 04/05/2025 15:35

Unless it’s at a hotel and your husband is right there with the baby I can’t see how this is manageable unless you bring the wee one. I’d just give her the choice between you plus baby or neither of you - shouldn’t be anything hurtful about it for either of you. She’s entitled to invite who she likes but you don’t have to drive yourself crazy to accommodate it.

Sennelier1 · 04/05/2025 18:41

Is the reception in or near a hotel? Then I would take a room and let my husband or my mother stay there with the baby so would be closeby for feeds. Of course then someone else would need to take care of your other children.

DearDenimEagle · 04/05/2025 18:43

I wouldn’t go. I missed several events because I had a baby and it wasn’t practical. I also took baby to several others, but no way would I have left any of them while breast feeding…and I fed each for 2 years. I’d prefer to be at home snuggled, anyway. They are babies such a short time

softlyfallsthesnow · 04/05/2025 18:52

We had a one month old baby at our, otherwise mostly child free, wedding. It wouldn't have occurred to me me to lump her in with older, livelier toddlers etc. She needed her mum, obviously, and was zero trouble.

If you'd rather take the baby with you, a friendly chat might be the best idea?

80smonster · 04/05/2025 19:04

Overthebow · 04/05/2025 09:18

A newborn baby should be allowed to be at the wedding if your friend wants you there. Normally babies in arms are fine.

A childfree wedding is a child free wedding. Newborns cry during ceremonies etc, and are understandably a distraction for their parents.

ChandrilanDiscoDroid · 04/05/2025 19:06

80smonster · 04/05/2025 19:04

A childfree wedding is a child free wedding. Newborns cry during ceremonies etc, and are understandably a distraction for their parents.

Show quote history

That's fine, but then the wedding couple need to understand that they are making it impossible for parents of EBF babies, and tiny newborns generally, to attend.

Livpool · 04/05/2025 19:07

Don’t go - if your ‘best’ friend was bothered about you attending she would let you bring your one month old!

Ponderingwindow · 04/05/2025 19:07

At one month old, your husband would need to be in the lobby.

Your friend doesn’t care about your attendance. If she did, she would not be asking you to separate from a brand new baby. Don’t put yourself and your family through this stress for someone who doesn’t care about you.

UnimaginableWindBird · 04/05/2025 19:14

I'd politely decline the invitation. If someone wants a child free wedding, then they have to accept with good grace that some people won't be able to attend, and presumably they considered it when planning the wedding and were OK with it.

Runnersandtoms · 04/05/2025 19:14

I think people who haven't got kids find it hard to appreciate how difficult it is to leave a newborn so don't necessarily make an exception. We went to a wedding of good friends where they made it clear no children including babies were allowed. DD2 was 3 weeks old and EBF Luckily the wedding was 10 min from my parents house so I went back and forth a lot while they had the kids. I'd like to think now they have their own kids they're a bit embarrassed by their decision back then.

80smonster · 04/05/2025 19:25

ChandrilanDiscoDroid · 04/05/2025 19:06

That's fine, but then the wedding couple need to understand that they are making it impossible for parents of EBF babies, and tiny newborns generally, to attend.

Show quote history

I think they do understand, it’s their wedding and they’ve made their wishes clear. My wedding was child free and you would not believe the number of people who thought it didn’t apply to them! We said we were sorry if they couldn’t make it, but it was an adult event. Personally, if I thought I’d spend the entire event cluster feeding, I’d probably decide to sit it out?

Chipsahoy · 04/05/2025 19:31

I wouldn’t go. Baby might not be one month, could just be two weeks if baby is late for example. You might not feel like going out and chances are even at one month, baby will be attached to you for feeding all the time. I’d bow out.

HateThese4Leggedbeasts · 04/05/2025 19:34

HmmNot · 04/05/2025 09:23

It's unusual not to allow a newborn, even the wedding is generally CF.

I think I'd go to the ceremony, have one glass of fizz afterwards and then leave. I wouldn't try to attend the whole thing.

I agree!

I tried a wedding at 2 weeks pp and it was awful. I only lasted at the ceremony and had to leave twice to feed DC. I suspect dc2 would have been easier.

It's quite a lot to ask DP to be in call if he has other DC as well

Sharptonguedwoman · 04/05/2025 20:03

SilverButton · 04/05/2025 09:13

When my DD was three months old and EBF my mum looked after her nearby while DH and I went to the wedding and I popped out regularly to feed her. It was ok but will be harder as your baby is younger.

This. Friends (who are grandparents) looked after grandchild in a nearby hotel while their daughter was attending a wedding. Not as young as a month old though. Maybe look at the logistics of having back up and baby nearby.

elm26 · 04/05/2025 20:29

Our best friends are having a child free wedding (our 2yo will be with grandparents for the day and night) but a close friend of ours will have a 10 week old EBF baby and it wasn’t even prompted for her to tell our friend that of course baby is welcome. I would question my friendship if she can’t make an exception for your very young newborn.

WhatMummyMakesSheEats · 04/05/2025 20:30

B1indEye · 04/05/2025 09:16

I was never in that position but I think my thoughts would have been that if for what ever reason my best friend didn't want children at her wedding I'd have been a bit of an arse to think she should change that for me, it wouldn't have been my day

Show quote history

Tiny breastfeeding babes in arms should be exempt from the no kids rule if you care at all about the people coming to your wedding

Cathandkin · 04/05/2025 20:32

A newborn baby needs to be with its mother.
If your friend cannot comprehend that basic fact, then don't go.

stichguru · 04/05/2025 20:40

I would ask your friend if she would be ok to let you bring your new-born as you will still be breastfeeding. With your LO being so young, I don't think you can be sure they won't need to cluster feed or whatever. If she isn't ok, then decline the invite.

Lottie6712 · 04/05/2025 21:07

Tafal · 04/05/2025 09:20

It's only about 25 mins away from home so that makes it easier but we aren't familiar with the area so will have a look to see what's about for husband to possibly go to with the kids. I wouldn't have them camped in the car park or anything lol!

A friend of mine genuinely suggested I leave my husband and two week old in the carpark of her wedding and go out to feed the baby when needed......

kiwiane · 04/05/2025 21:09

I wouldn’t go - if she wants you there then she can make an exception for you.

workstealssleep · 04/05/2025 21:18

You are estimating your baby will be 1 month, but they could be born full term and healthy any time between 37 and 42 weeks. So they could be a bit older or younger, I'd guess? You could have a 2 week old.
Babies that tiny should not be away from their mum. It might well be feeding all day long, pretty much, no breaks.
If you feel well enough to go, as you will likely be bleeding and sleep deprived, could have stitches to recover from, may have engorged breasts or mastitis... or who knows, you maybe fine or have other issues. I developed carpal tunnel syndrome. But if you do feel well, and the baby is doing well, you could go, but the baby would need to be with you.
It is cruel to you and the baby to assume you can attend and they can't at that age.
My sister had a 6 week old at my wedding. She did well to be there, and I was very grateful.
I travelled a long way by train with a 6 week old. They are very adaptable. As long as they are with mum (if breastfeeding, which you said you would hope to be).

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