Logistics help child-free wedding and newborn

[Tafal]

My best friend is getting married and my baby will be about 1 month old at that time, and probably ebf if all is going to plan. I am trying to figure out a plan for me going to the wedding but I'm struggling with what to do. It would just be me going and husband would have the kids, just wondering what others would do/have done in a similar situation?

I don't really want to introduce a bottle quite that early just for the sake of an event but also don't know what I'll do if baby is a very frequent feeder (my second was on and off the boob pretty much all day every day at that stage from what I remember). Would it be ridiculous to maybe have husband and kids somewhere near by so that I'd be able to nip to feed the baby before and after the ceremony if needed? I'm not set on being there all day or anything but I'd love to be able to be at the ceremony and a bit of the reception if possible. I'm already missing the hen due to it being right around my due date and want to be at the wedding if I can.

With such a tiny baby I would either speak to the bride about taking baby with you on the day, if not possible then I wouldn’t go, it isn’t practical and will potentially be stressful for you, DH and baby and probably not much fun your older child either.

Same. What sort of person bans newborns? I get older children not attending

This. It's not reasonable to expect you to be away from your one month old baby for the duration of a wedding. Your best friend should understand that and make an exception for you.

I would not go. Weddings that exclude babes-in-arms are totally unreasonable.

There's a big difference between "children" who are old enough to be left with someone else and a newborn who is too young to be away from its mother for any length of time.

I would suggest saying to your friend that there is no way you can leave your baby at that age so you regretfully cannot attend. If she wants you there she can allow your baby.

Apart from anything else, unless the baby is well used to a bottle beforehand, they very likely won’t take it, or only after a lot of very hungry distress. Speaking from experience here!
Personally, if a so called friend won’t countenance a month old EBF baby, I wouldn’t go.

The last (lovely) wedding we attended, was ‘child’ free because of seating space at the venue but ‘babes in arms’ were welcome.

I wouldn’t go either.

it’s a newborn. Could be 2 weeks old or 6 weeks old and even give or take on that.

Baby goes with you or you don’t go.
id never make a really good friend miss my wedding because they have a newborn baby.

If I expected to have a 4 week old EBF baby at the time of a wedding, and the baby couldn't come with me to the wedding, that would simply mean that I wasn't going.

There's a bit of a difference between children and an EBF month-old baby...

It's not fair on your other children to constantly be coming to and fro from the wedding or for your baby to have to wait to feed. At that age the baby doesn't even know it's a seperate person to you. I would take the baby or stay home. A friend will understand

Presumably in this case in terms of the wedding invite there isn't or the question wouldn't have arisen would it?

I have no skin in this game but I understand that different people make different choices, doesn't matter if I agree or not and the OP obviously doesn't have to attend if the logistics dont work for her.

The only way this would be manageable would be if DH was to be almost outside the venue, or if you could bring the baby. If the bride wants you there, she will help facilitate that.

I wouldn’t go without baby. Have you actually spoken to friend and asked about baby?

If you mainly want to go to ceremony and a bit of reception can your dh drop you and baby off, he goes somewhere 3hrs or so with the other child/ren and arrange he picks you up after?

That was you can arrive and feed baby in car after drive. Dh help Set up pram so you have somewhere to store baby stuff under and baby nap. Take sling also, might be needed for ceremony.

Ask friend what the day plan is and say your probably head off after x.

Bride is welcome to make that choice but I wouldn't be facilitating it. I just wouldn't go. And wouldn't think well of her afterwards.

If my “best friend” was getting married I’d expect my husband and father of my children to be invited too.

Also even with a child free wedding a one month old ebf baby should be allowed.

Op I'd ask the bride if she minds the baby being there.
Then make your decision.

One thing with babies at the evening do is the noise of the band can upset the baby

If its only 25mins away I'd may be go.to the wedding and the meal but leave just after the dancing starts unless you can get a babysitter to pick LO up

If you have family help with childcare, I’d leave older kids with them. And then yes, I’d pretty much have your Dh camped out in the car park with the baby. 😂 A 1 month old will mostly sleep so he can just sit there holding the baby or go for walks in the pram. It sounds a right pain trying to bundle toddlers into the car to rush back from the children’s farm the second baby needs a feed. Not really fair on older children or baby. I’d expect baby to be feeding every 1-2 hours so that’s a lot of rushing around for everyone.

Tell friend that so soon after birth you will be with baby, and likely still recovering, so you’d love to be there for part of the day to celebrate with her but that you will need to bring newborn. And if it’s too much, you may have to leave earlier than you’d like. But the ball is in her court. No rush to let you know, give her time to think. You’re happy to try and be there but equally understand if she’d rather not. But you’re not leaving baby.

I think I would be having a honest conversation with the bride. At 1 month with cluster feeding your realistically not going to be able to leave. If they won't allow baby then I would decline

Have you asked her? I think it would be unreasonable of her to exclude you as your baby will be so tiny. If she wants people to watch her get married and celebrate with her, she should be flexible, and a 4 week old is very portable, and breast fed needs to be with its mother.

3 months is really different to just one month.

I can’t imagine not allowing my friend to attend my wedding with a baby so young.

You sound like a good friend OP

She's saying the bride is being a bit inconsiderate. She's allowed to of course, but it doesn't come across well at all. This is her best friend, not just another guest.

Could someone else have your other kids and DH hang around nearby with the baby?

This

Agree, I wouldn't go if my month old baby wasn't invited