If your child is autistic or has autistic traits ...

[miscelleni]

1. Do you and/or the child's father also have autistic traits.
2. How did you meet? Was modern technology a factor in how you got together?

I'm asking because I've been listening to the new BBC podcast, The Autism Curve, which is about the exponential increase in autism diagnoses. In episode 1/2 they considered the data and explored how definitions and diagnostics have changed over time. But Episode 3 takes a step back and looks at the science of whether there could also be a real underlying increase with an identifiable cause. An academic from KCL says there is a strong genetic factor to autism, but that it is "unlikely" to explain the numbers (implying, I think, that genetics are random). Another academic, from UCL, says that if there is an environmental factor to be found then it is something that began in the 1990s and is most prevalent in high income countries.

It seems to me that, since the 1990s, people with autistic traits are much more likely to find each other and form relationships due to modern technology. And this is something that has increased exponentially with the uptake of social media.

I felt fairly socially isolated as a teenager in the 80s. I managed ok at school but was averse to phoning people or taking any first steps that might turn acquaintances into friends for fear of rejection. University was difficult for similar reasons. However, I started using email in my first job in 1993 and used it to keep in touch with course-mates from uni who I would otherwise have quickly lost touch with. One of them introduced me to someone she thought I would click with. We started emailing each other and I'm now married to him. We both have traits that probably lie somewhere on the autistic spectrum, as do both of our children, though not impactful enough for us to have sought formal diagnosis.

If I hadn't met DH in that way, I probably would have ended up with one of the many single males I've met in my tech-related job over the years, many of whom have autistic traits.

These days social media brings together many people with strong interests in things, from train spotting, to bird watching, to celebrity fandom, to history buffs, to comic con fans, etc etc. Could it be that the "randomness" of genetics is becoming much less random when it comes to neurodiversity?

Yes this is exactly my experience too. My children are struggling in a way that I didn’t, despite presenting in almost exactly the same way. I’ve also wondered if it’s more about cultural change than the diagnosis. Eg mega-schools (10 form entry near us), are much harder on sensory issues than the 4 form entry school I went to.

1. We both have autistic traits. We didn’t diagnose ‘in our day’ though, and since we are successful and functional there’s no reason to drop £5k seeking a formal diagnosis.
2. We met at uni, as used to be traditional. We dislike technology, so that would never have been a factor.

I'd say a large amount of ADHD and AUDHD kids I know were preemie babies - which is apparently common. As more survive we get a rise in the effects.
Also microplastics in food have effects, we see what calcification does WRT dementia/Alzheimers, so finding microplastics in every organ of the human body is something I suspect will be discovered to be having an increase in disorders in parts of the brain.

Life, society and schooling has changed dramatically. It’s loud and stressful, full of changes, a huge emphasis on the importance of soft skills. In my parents’ time it was accepted some kids were quiet or “weird” and didn’t like to be disturbed whilst others needed to fidget or run round the playground every couple of hours to shake the fidgets out. Now it’s not. It’s silence and stillness until yet another transition (Ofsted sets 20m as a maximum for one activity for primary) which could well be noisy. Lots of participation, which means uncertainty and social skills, but very little free exercise. Awful.

This with bells on. The world have become more and more stressful. Education is pressured and is one size fits all - unless you’re lucky or rich. Workplaces have exchanges one or two man offices for hot dealing in open plan (I hate hate hate this). Email means you have to respond now now now, whether that suits you or not. Computers are annoying and impinge on quieter spaces constantly (adverts on the bloody bus).

im amassing money to be able to withdraw!

Personally, I think the increase is that we're labeling things differently rather than more often. Or have changed the criteria.

Dd is exactly, exactly the same as my dh's mother. And his sister. And his grandmother. And various other female relatives. They were ALL diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

I think twenty years ago she she would have been as well.

prior to getting a diagnosis officially for her issues that started at puberty, every HCP insisted she was autistic. She was then officially diagnosed as autistic.

Apparently lots of autistic women are misdiagnosed as BPD. And lots of patients have their doctors go back and forth on their BPD and bipolar diagnosis too. Swapping the diagnosis back and forth.

I also think about all the women who were locked away for years for spurious diagnoses and wonder how many autistic women were labelled crazy and stuck in a padded cell for what was basically mismanaged autistim and resulting meltdowns. We didn't deal with these women (and sometimes men) in the community like we do now, so may it just feels like it's more common. When actually like cancer, it was an unspoken taboo but isn't now, so we see it more?

I disagree children of previous generations were allowed to shake the fidgets out. Think you'd have gotten the cane for that. I think that the kids who couldn't confirm weren't expected to stay in school.

School leaving ages until a couple of generations ago were extremely young as well for the non academic (or those who were too figidity to appear academic)

*The leaving age was increased to 11 in 1893, 12 in 1899, 14 in 1918, 15 in 1947 and 16 in 1972 (but many were still leaving younger)

I had that steriod injection at 28wks for my kids who were prem - I have know read that studies are suggesting 50% of kids whose mums had that injection go on to develop autism.

Now kids are expected to be in school, college or training until 18. My 2 asd teens can't wait to finish school!

Isn't there evidence it's more likely with older fathers, and I assume average age of men having children is going up?

Yes, this was in the podcast too. It said older parents rather than older fathers. There wasn't anything conclusive about the causality though - one potential answer could be that adults with autistic traits are more likely to meet their life partner and become parents later in life because they are more socially isolated.

Men have always been older as first time fathers and I don't think it's changed drastically.

The quality of sperm is going down though, isn't it? I remember reading about older fathers' sperm being linked to higher rates in an increasing scale.

Our son (3) is on the ASD referral pathway. I’m almost certainly autistic, husband has ADHD. Our dads are both the classic ‘autistic engineer’, extremely rigid etc etc.

My grandmother’s brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia but I imagine today he would be diagnosed instead with autism - his symptoms were that he was very rigid wearing the same clothes everyday, he rocked back and forth a lot and flapped his hands (stimming), collected model trains and knew everything about trains. He was able to have a job but didn’t have a family of his own.

My husband’s grandmother’s sister (stay with me here!) is almost certainly ND. ‘Eccentric’ and brilliant with numbers, spent her life doing the stock market which is unusual for a woman of her generation - she’s 101 years old. Very funny about food , has exclusively eaten soup and ice cream practically her whole life. Didn’t marry/have kids which again is unusual for her generation.

perhaps our elderly relatives would have met a partner and had kids of their own in today’s world

Possibly, I did read that mens' testicles are significantly smaller than their grandfather's a while back!😂 Walking around like their carrying a fruit basket in their trousers.

No.

Yes.

I was horrified to be confronted with huge, garish, moving image billboards at the side of the road when returning to commuting recently. I could hardly keep my eyes on the road to concentrate on the driving. It’s just awful. How is it allowed…?!

Both my child and I have ASD. My husband does not, but he is not a mainstream person, he just doesn’t have a diagnosis or classification.

We met at university and have a wonderful life together with excellent careers. Our child is doing very well and I suspect will follow a similar life pattern.

I don't really buy the theory that people with autism/traits are more likely to meet a partner with autism these days. Thinking about the double empathy problem I don't think it would have been that unusual to meet someone else with autism or autistic traits and be drawn to them in previous generations unless you lived in a very tiny isolated community. My autistic teenage children have 10-15 neurodivergent friends each, none of whom they met online, all through school or clubs or family friends.

What I also think is interesting is that lots of people who have autistic traits but no support needs are having children with higher support needs, which is my personal experience.

Edited to add:

1. Yes, but undiagnosed
2. No

My intuitive feeling is that the higher support needs are caused by the way the world is nowadays. When I was at school it was generally quiet in class, you worked alone and discipline was reasonably tight. You weren’t expected to do much public speaking and a lot was about memory and analysis, and I got on well with the teacher, better than my peers. School is very different nowadays. And then there’s the world in general: brighter lights, muzak everywhere often competing with phone noise, overstimulation via content on TV and streaming platforms with no natural boundary - TV used to turn off automatically and books had an end so there was not the same temptation to hyperfocus into the night etc, less junk food, less choice of eg things to buy/eat/drink/wear, more strict social rules without the same potential for people being “offended“ and which were easier to learn by rote (not saying I agree with that but it was a system you could more easily predict and analyse).

Both DH and I have traits. Mine are more on the social communication side and his are more to do with rigid and repetitive behaviours- he has OCD. We have two DC who are both diagnosed with autism. My brother has never been diagnosed but quite clearly has autism, just not in a way that would have been recognised in the 80s and 90s. When I look back at wider family members there are some with quite obvious traits.

How did you meet your DH?

At a bar. I was always more sociable after plentiful drinks!

My daughter is suspect to have autism. More specifically aspergers. She is very academically brilliant even at 6. Although, she is very talkative and friendly she is socially strange. I think she has some other issues as well because she struggles with fine motor skills. I also think the youngest has autism and ADHD. I haven't raised it yet. She's only 4. Again academically very forward.

I function very well. I had a very forward facing job. I did a people related degree. I am very performative and socially would be considered fun, outgoing. But, its all an act. I find it exhausting. I don't really like talking to people. I analyse my conversations. I've struggled with OCD and anxiety all my life. I now wonder if it's undiagnosed autism. I honestly feel like an alien a lot of the time and question why other people aren't normal. I'm very logical and practical and fund other people odd. The thing is I'm also very empathetic. So I'm not sure if that fits.

My H is exactly the same. We met at uni as mature students. We did the same job and degree. We both have traits but he says everyone has their quirks.

There were jobs you could do in the past - solo ones where you just got on with it - painter, road sweeper, seamstress, gamekeeper probably didn't need a string of certificates like they do now, even cleaners need health and safety certs. So someone with traits could muddle through school then leave early and have a job for life. Wouldn't come to anyone's attention, no diagnosis.

Aspergers is nolonger a seperate diagnosis in the UK.