Perimenopause- how do you not kill your DH/DP because mine is getting on every last one of my nerves

[saltwater1985]

His snoring
The way he does obnoxiously loud sneezes
His slight beer belly
The way he washes up

Honestly I could just walk out at any time.
Is this permanent?!
Just started HRT for facial flushes and hoping the irritability will subside a little 😬😬

Ah. Welcome to the Rage Stage. HRT might help. If not, we’ll help bury the body.

Bloody hell. So it's not just me?

Have had a hideous fortnight/month and was thinking we were heading for divorce. Maybe I'll try having a chat to my GP at least as a first option...

I don’t know how I haven’t killed mine yet. I veer from giving no shits about anything and telling him that he’s this close 🤏 to being dumped after 30 years, to having to physically walk away from his noisy eating and obsessive hatred of Trump otherwise I will whack him hard round the head with the remote.

Ahh, the joys of the menopause.

How do you know when the right time is to start HRT?

I don't want to jump in too soon if I've got years of this to go, think I'm at the start of the journey.

How long does the rage era last (years I mean) on average do you think?

Mine lasted for about 2 years I think. I went from just being knackered and headachey to hot and irritable then wanting to kill everyone around me and now I’m through it and much more chilled. Still knackered though! And I’m pleased to report there were no casualties and all my nearest and dearest came out of it alive!!

Ye gods, the obsessive hatred of Trump. Yes, WE KNOW Trump is an orange dickhead. You're not bloody Nietzsche for working it out.

I would say sooner rather than later. I believe there is evidence to suggest the earlier you start it, the better it is tolerated.

I sympathise and commiserate with you all. If it's any help I have realised that instead of PMT the week before my period I now get intense rage and intolerance. If I miss a period or am late we all suffer until it arrives.

Also frustratingly sugar make it lots worse at the very time I am craving chocolate and comfort food. I stay off it for a few months and then forget and indulge and regret it bitterly swearing I'll never eat another bite of sugar if only DH will please god stop slurping every bite of food and drink he consumes.

He has started to eat like an elderly person without teeth. He brings the fork or spoon to within an inch of his mouth and then hoovers/slurps up the last bit. Yet he does actually manage to get the fork in sometimes because he scrapes it against his teeth ( that he does have) on the way out.
Then all this sucking of air causes non stop loud burping for hours afterwards.
Surely it's not just me, this would get on anyone's nerves?

I read once that people who believe in reincarnation say we change sex each lifetime. It's a small comfort to think DH might come back as a woman and have the same appalling manners visitied him by some blissfully self absorbed other half. With the added bonus of karma dishing out threefold of previous sins.

I think about Henry Cavil .. alot.

Mine likes to go on lots of activity holidays. I encourage this. He loves that I am fine with these holidays. Win win.

I'm not laughing at you, OP, just your description!
Sometimes the fact that they have the temerity to breathe is bloody annoying.
It should pass!

I wasn't able to take HRT thanks to a cancer-treatment induced menopause.
Only long walks and trips to Nice (thank god for avios points!) with best friend saved my dp from an early grave!

My DH has started to mither about stuff. Like, ensuring the cat is in at night. I can't work out if it's his own midlife thing, or if he's always done it and I'm only just noticing.

And banging on about cycling. Either his own, or his bike, or the big races (TdF, Paris-Roubaix, whatever). I nod and smile but inwardly I'm screaming 'WHY DO YOU NOT REALISE I COULDN'T GIVE THE TINIEST SHIT".

Oo, that was therapeutic.

yes HRT is a godsend - along with the lots of wine and podcasts, long walks and time for yourself.

Why the fuck to doctors seem so obstructive to it? I’ve been asking since I was about 38 and was just getting “your very young”

It’s the mouth moistening noise that makes me want to bludgeon him

I got it in my early 40s, but I wrote a huge explanation into an E-consult so I suspect it was much more detailed than I'd have been able to put across in an initial appointment.

Worth a look - maybe write it all down and then submit it?

I had UTIs, I stank to high heaven (smelly sweat), the absolute rage and fury was scaring me, disturbed sleep, once I'm awake now that's it whether it's 3am or 8am, dry itchy skin, itchy scalp, itchy nether regions.... I listed it all and described the impact of each symptom on my life. And that I really didn't want to go to prison.

I’m about 2 months into starting HRT and I still have the urge to run away. It’s so consuming! I feel like I’m living on a knife edge and I could go at any moment. Should this lessen as the HRT takes effect?

Thank you all so much for your response.

Partly I do wonder whether I really would be better off leaving him, as I’m so resentful of him. He does the loud eating. And weird sniffs and groans ugh.
I’ll give the HRT a while to bed in then decide in a year. Main reason not to leave is it would devastate DS.
i do think a lot of it is just not having the happy oestrogen that makes us able to cope with their (men) shit, it’s all a revelation! But difficult to unsee too…

If it helps, I think many do the weird sniffs, groans, mouth moistening, noisy eating etc
My instinct is a significant proportion of women (post menopause) prefer to live alone (I have two close friends, happy in their solo homes)…so little is written/ acknowledged about how menopause changes your chemistry, psychology and wishes in life…I had a quick Google last night, nothing online. I’m 58 and through it all and now consider menopause to be a gift, long term.
x

I suspect a lot of men also prefer to live alone.

I know I am hard work. I moan a lot in the menopause, though I try not to.

I think peri helps us wake up to the truth.

Get a dog? I love mine so much and he has helped me with menopause. I didn’t get on with HRT, made fat and depressed. Will try a different type

I'm single and have no intention of getting into a relationship

I just can not tolerate men anymore, the trying to charm, the telling of their not at all funny stories, the bravado, even the knowledgeable annoy the fuck out of me and any mansplaining gives me very violent murderous thoughts

I have to tolerate them but I am no longer charmed by men