12yr old arrested

[WineandMe]

Good evening.
Sorry for rambling if I do.
So, my son is 12, he is Autistic, ADHD with ODD and sensory.
He attends a SEN school which specialises in SEMH run by the LA
It's not the best high school but due to LA funding , it's all he can get into.

He is under CAMHs and a referral has been sent into Forensic CAMHs, which is still under review.

Today I was called at 1.20 to come to school to collect DS, no details were known, just that the head had asked reception to call me to collect DS.

I turned up, 3 police cars were in the car park, head, class teacher and other members of staff were around the car park area. 3 students including my DS were on the school roof.

Ive had issues with DS, which has now seen me have to hide all knives in the safe at home which school are aware of, especially in the last 2 weeks.

School told me that DS had been on the roof for 2 hours, before calling me.

Once he was down he was arrested for criminal damage and brandishing a knife at home.
The police said that the custody sergent would refuse him into custody but the shock factor of arresting him may shock him into maybe changing his ways.
Im hopeful that this is the case. He is getting a referral for the youth offending team to work with him regarding his behaviour in public and knife crime.

We have Early help hub working with us. But what I want to know is, will SS be called? Im not bothered if they are, as I think it could be extra help with DS and support for me. But it wasn't a question I asked and I wished I had have asked.

TIA

Are you safe? You say you have to hide knives at home, what's he doing with the knives?

Yes a referral will be made. I work in this field and DH works in youth criminal justice/mental health. Have they charged him or just arrested him? Youth justice panels usually try to avoid entry to the justice system unless unavoidable, he can get various out of court disposals and referrals which could be very helpful (it's very area dependent) without a criminal record

Yes i am safe thank you.
I also have 2 older boys who are very helpful with DS12 so that's good for me. School have been supportive too.

They jist arrested. Once he got to custody the sergent refused him in, and sent him home.

He was just walking around with the knife as if to say look what what I've got. He has in the past gone outside and showed it off into the ring doorbell which school are also aware of.

That's good, it's really area dependent you might find really help hub isn't enough for you, you can also ask if there's any preventative work carried out by the youth justice team. Early help is situated within children's social care, speak to them and detail all of the issues you are having, tell them you are willing to work with them or any other team they think are suitable. In my area there are specialist services for young people vulnerable to criminal exploitation or regularly carrying knives

Its not very likely that the shock of an arrest is going to change his behaviour and desire for seeking out weapons.

His diagnoses may mean that consequential thinking and cause and effect is difficult for him to process

Is he on any medication?

I would check what he's doing online.

Hes excluded from school.now for 4 days.
But Im willing to work with anyone to try to change his ways and help.him before he seriously get in trouble. So I'll take any help.

Yes he's on equasym 30mg daily.

Ive done that. Everything is what id say normal. Roblox, football. All.football related other than roblox.

When was it last reviewed? This is impulsive behaviour so may be worth reconsidering dosage, my son is 12 and on a slightly higher dose.
have you had any social skills support for him re appropriate behaviours?
Hope you are ok

Hes been on this now about 6 months now.

We've had no social skills support? Who provides that?
Im ok thank you. 😊 im use to his behaviour nowadays so know what to expect and how to try to deal with him. Even as he gets older and taller. Luckily my 18yr old is good with him too.

We have been through this and it is distressing. Unfortunately a lot of this is what DS has found gets everyone to make a fuss which is very exciting and gives him a dopamine hit which is one of the things the ADHD brain looks for.
DS did not like the police coming to the house because he doesn't like strangers. He did get to know the Youth Justice workers and liked them but he has little insight into his behaviour so he can't really talk about it.
What has helped for us is 1 adding a non stimulant to his stimulant medication (it acts in the background so difficult times like morning/bedtime are calmer and 2 rigorously rewarding calm behaviour and ignoring everything else. He still occasionally picks up scissors to do exactly what you said "hey look I have a pair of scissors" but I walk off now and he gets bored.
We find ADHD Dude (find him on YouTube, he also has a podcast and a membership site with office hours) to be incredibly helpful. DS is still very impulsive but he knows we are consistent and we are currently working on silly behaviour rather than dangerous behaviour which is not a place I ever hoped we'd be in.

We don't find social skills lessons or "talking about feelings" are much help to DS. He works on a very short reward span so it's fine to say "you get your game time if you leave your sister alone" but "if you're calm at school today you can go swimming at the weekend" is way too far ahead for him.

Thank you. That's helpful. Will deffo be having a look that YouTube page. He is very all for show, like he'll say "im going to kill myself today" Ive got the point now where I say "ok but if you want to talk about it we can talk" I'll get told to f off and leave him alone but im used to that.
For DS most of it is for show and ive said that, he'll swear and keep on doing it but if no one gives him the attention he wants, he stops it or calms down.
It's hard bloody work. But he's mine and I have to be there for him. He does have Social emotion mental health and its hard to deal with along side the ADHD and Au. But I do it.
A wine helps at weekend when he goes to his dad.

Dad BTW is a no go, he always says "ill have a word" but never does
He blames the medication and doesn't agree with me medicating him. So refuses to give his meds to him on a weekend.

Yes i get that. It's very here and now rather than in a week. Etc

BTW DS went into SEN school in 2021 after being excluded from mainstream 38 times in one school year (year 4)

When he went into sen school he was working beyond age related expectation. But now after been in SEN provisions since 2021 he is now 18months behind.

It is also concerning that several pupils at a special school were able to access the roof. This raises additional questions about the safety of the environment and general oversight of the pupils?

Aaargh the SEN school is exactly the same for my DS. Zero academic expectations. Training them to be car valets.
We have started paying for private tutors after school.

Thank you. Ive said that. And so has family members. I am also bringing this up with Senart and camhs worker who comes to the house.

He is also meant to have a 1-1

Im.thinking about it. But DS is very school is school and home is home. Hes always been like that since he started.

I've nothing to add OP just want to say how sorry I am to read this, I can't imagine the stress.

Dad BTW is a no go, he always says "ill have a word" but never does
He blames the medication and doesn't agree with me medicating him. So refuses to give his meds to him on a weekend

Does his dad hate him?

Or is he just a fool who hasn’t bothered to read the statistics that people with unmedicated ADHD have years wiped off their life expectancy.

You could ask him why does he want to shorten his child’s life