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Original poster

11 year old when both parents are ill.

70 replies

Lazlothevampire · 21/04/2025 07:50

We’ve all been wiped out by a stomach bug over the last week. 11 year old was first, followed by the 4 year old. Dh volunteered as tribute and holed himself up with 4 year old dd in the bedroom in the hope that we wouldn’t both come down with it at the same time and he’d be on the mend when I undoubtedly got it so one of us would be functioning.

Ha, well, the universe had other plans, and on Friday night, me and dh both came down with it within half an hour of each other.

Both children by then were okay. 11 year old totally over it and 4 year old just a little tired still.

Dh and I were useless, it’s a horrendous bug, the full on sickness, headache, body aches.

We took it in turns for 2 days, one of us upstairs trying to sleep, one of us on the sofa keeping an eye on the children, swapping every few hours.

11 year old dd was a brilliant help. She made all food for her and her sister. just easy things - cereal, Sandwiches, toast and soup, and generally kept her sister occupied, fed the dog and let her in/out to the garden. We have an open plan kitchen/family room so one of us was always there, feeling like death, but supervising.

During this time she was sending MIL photos of the food she had created for her and her sister, photos of the activities and games she’d set up. MIL showed them to SIL in a “oh, how sweet” sort of way and SIL blew up at dh last night saying what terrible parents we are and that we’d been neglectful. Dh, still feeling shitty, told her to piss off and stop being so fucking dramatic and hasn’t engaged any further with her constant texts.

I don’t see anything wrong with an 11 year old, year 6 child making a few easy meals and occupying her sister for a couple of days, supervised, while both parents are sick. She enjoyed the responsibility and had fun with it, and she was such a great help and we have made it clear how much we appreciated her help.

But no, we are now terrible, neglectful parents and dd will be messed up for life. Is it really so terrible for dd to have (happily) taken on a bit of responsibility for a couple of days? I really don’t think so.

OP posts:
Fitzcarraldo353 · 21/04/2025 07:53

It sounds like she's lovely and confident and this is a great lesson in a bit of independence. She wasn't unsafe and if she hadn't been able to handle any task you would have stepped in to support or take over. It's not like they'd have gone hungry if she hadn't done it - it just really helped that she did.

SIL can piss off.

Jeezitneverends · 21/04/2025 07:53

YANBU at all. The universe handed you the shitty stick this weekend and you handled it the best way you could. Despite the circumstances it sounds like your dd enjoyed stepping up the way she did and made a bloody good job of it!
Your dh dealt with his sister perfectly

FionnulaTheCooler · 21/04/2025 07:54

Sounds like you did what you needed to do as a family to get through. Your 11 year old sounds responsible and mature and your SIL needs to fuck off. Does SIL have children?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

11 year olds 4 year olds Families Primary education
Bigearringsbigsmile · 21/04/2025 07:55

I think your husband's reaction was perfect

Hercisback1 · 21/04/2025 07:55

Wow, I'd be so proud of your 11yo who seems to be more mature than SIL already.

Solocatmum · 21/04/2025 07:55

Your DD sounds great. It sounds like she loved it based on photos to MIL, and it’s great at that age to organise things and take a bit of responsibility.

Your SIL is ridiculous.

WhySoManySocks · 21/04/2025 07:56

I think it’s great for her confidence. She must be so proud to have been trusted and to have managed it so successfully. It’s the opposite of “raising snowflakes” parenting.

Your SIL is 1) wrong 2) a nosy cow.

Gettoachiro · 21/04/2025 07:56

Your sister in law sounds like an idiot.

Your 11 year old sounds like the complete opposite. Well done to her! You should be very proud 🙂

moggerhanger · 21/04/2025 07:56

Absolutely not a problem, and your SIL is overreacting. Some years ago, DH and I both had proper flu at the same time, and were really ill. There was a 48 hour period where we couldn't even sit upright for long. DS would have been about 7, DD 4. We managed to throw sandwiches and crisps at them periodically, but otherwise DS ensured his sister was entertained and out of trouble. It wasn't ideal, but with no family help and friends who had their own childcare issues, we didn't have much choice. DS remembers it fondly as the time he could eat what he liked, and watch as much CBeebies as he liked!

Temporaryname158 · 21/04/2025 08:01

As a single parent, when I got flu earlier this year I could barely move but managed to sit at a dining table chair whilst 10 and 7 year old made dinner for themselves (scrambled egg, potato waffles, beans) so similar to as you describe.

i was proud of them stepping up to help/being mature and working together when they could see I was ill.

you SIL is being ridiculous and I would ignore all future messages on the subject. If you feel you can’t I’d reply with a sickly sweet…. Hi SIL, I see it’s upset you so next time myself and Dave get Norovirus we’ll make sure we’re in touch asap so you can come over and cook/play with DC! Thanks for being concerned.

she’ll never do it in a million years!

Original poster
Lazlothevampire · 21/04/2025 08:01

FionnulaTheCooler · 21/04/2025 07:54

Sounds like you did what you needed to do as a family to get through. Your 11 year old sounds responsible and mature and your SIL needs to fuck off. Does SIL have children?

Yes, she has children and would have sent them to her parents house, which she told dh we should have done.

This is a horrible bug. We are still feeling awful this morning, albeit able to function now, there is no way on earth I would have risked passing this on to PIL, so we are all holed up in the plague house until it’s all gone.

OP posts:
Hathall · 21/04/2025 08:03

There’s nothing wrong with this whatsoever. I’m glad your family was able to come through. Something similar happened to me when I had the worst food poisoning I’ve ever had and 10 yr old ds looked after both younger siblings for a couple of days with help from my lovely neighbour prepping some dinner for them for a couple of nights. Ds did breakfasts and got everyone sorted for school.
Children are more capable than they’re often given credit for.

Sunnyside4 · 21/04/2025 08:06

As long as she was genuinely happy to do it and you know she's sensible around things in the kitchen, then I wouldn't worry what someone else thinks.

Timeforabiscuit · 21/04/2025 08:06

So, what was SIL solution? Was she going to help? Interesting that she put elderly parents in the line of fire 😷

I'd safely ignore her, focus on getting better - and your 11 year old is a diamond.

helpfulperson · 21/04/2025 08:07

I remember when I was a child this happened and me and my brothers lived off cereal for 48hrs. We all remember it as one of the fun memories of our childhood akin to camping in the house. (obviously with the young child lack of concern for how bad our parents were feeling!)

Glittertwins · 21/04/2025 08:08

sounds like your DD did a great job

Hillsaremyhappyplace · 21/04/2025 08:11

You daughter sounds awesome and your SIL a lunatic. How dare she?! I would disengage but have nothing to do with her until she apologised.

BitOutOfPractice · 21/04/2025 08:13

Sounds like your DD has been really well parented. Good for you and her.

ThePoshUns · 21/04/2025 08:14

Your SIL is clueless. Does she have children of her own?

breadpie · 21/04/2025 08:15

Your children sound delightful so instead of questioning yourself about your parenting, give yourself a big pat on the back for a job well done 👍

Tell SIL to fuck off

minnienono · 21/04/2025 08:17

What a lovely 11 year old and a good catalyst to get her cooking properly. At 11 my dd was cooking pasta dishes, curry, basics like sausages and mash etc and i myself cooked Christmas dinner when I was 12.5 because my mum was ill. Kids are very capable, great life skills to learn too. Hope you are feeling better

EatingHealthy · 21/04/2025 08:17

Your SIL is crazy op. It sounds like you and your DH have a supportive marriage where you both step up and take responsibility and in turn you've passed this fab trait onto your DD.

Like others have said, it is not only not a negative but actually a positive for their development for children to have opportunities to - in an age-appropriate way - step up and take responsibility.

I hope you're all feeling better now.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 21/04/2025 08:17

I ended up with mastitis home alone with both kids (6months & 3years) I had to take them both in a taxi with me to an out of hours (husband in work abroad at the time)

awful few days ! But similar just threw ready meals , toast, sandwiches, air fry food at them and left the tv on for a few days

all of us in the bed at night pushed against the wall

you have to do what you need to get through!your 11 year old sounds great

WimpoleHat · 21/04/2025 08:19

Yes, she has children and would have sent them to her parents house, which she told dh we should have done.

Rather unfair on your MIL and PIL if it can be avoided - an awful big is usually even more awful for an older person. From what you say, she was in touch with MIL, so if MIL had been worried that they weren’t okay, she could have stepped in. I don’t think you did anything wrong at all.

MumChp · 21/04/2025 08:19

Be proud of your daughter. Ignore SIL.