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Original poster

Grandparents dog scares ds and they refuse to acknowledge it

74 replies

corinabride · 21/04/2025 03:10

I’m so upset and frustrated. My parents have a 2 year old terrier who’s always snapped at my 5 year old ds. The pup is calm when with my parents hut gets over excited with ds because he’s running around and being lively. He’s even drew blood on ds face before in excitement.

last east I invited my parents over for Easter Sunday dinner on the understanding they wouldn’t bring the dog (so my ds could enjoy the day without worrying)
they ignored my request and bought the dog anyway, my dad ended up leaving because I said ‘why have you bought the dog when I asked you not to’ my mum threatened to leave which got ds upset. Anyways it’s taken a year and only seen my dad once since then. I decided to invited them over again this year for Easter Sunday dinner and guess what… they bought the dog again!!! The exact same thing happened, my dad stormed off in a huff after only being here 2 minutes and my mum threatened to walk home which upset ds again!!!
my dads said that if the dog isn’t welcome then he isn’t.

is it me? I just feel they out the dog before their own grandchild, it’s really upsetting.

OP posts:
TheSandgroper · 21/04/2025 03:29

Sadly, DS is doomed to disappointment because it’s your job to put his safety first.

From now on, if you invite your parents over, always have an alternative occupation planned in case of disagreement.

LimeQuoter · 21/04/2025 03:33

That's pretty annoying alright. I understand why your upset. They could have definitely left the dog at home. I would stick to your boundaries about not bringing the dog over and keep reminding them. I'm having similar issues with boundaries with my parents. They're showing up to my house to 'help me' unannounced on random days/times, and with things of their choosing, like cutting my lawn. Driving me bananas!

Velmy · 21/04/2025 04:01

"If the dog isn't welcome, I'm not welcome" is a very immature response...but I expect your parents are of an age where they're fairly set in their ways?

Could the dog go in the garden, hallway or upstairs? Or could you meet them somewhere that dogs aren't allowed? If he's drawn blood, could he wear a muzzle until your DC is big enough to push him away?

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dogsandcatsandhorses · 21/04/2025 04:08

A dog drawing blood on a child’s face isn’t a safe dog around children. I’m a lifelong dog lover and owner but believe a dog is a dog, not a substitute child.
A terrier can easily go in a crate when visiting, chew toy or similar to keep it occupied then walked every couple of hours. Crate gives dog security and safety if children are running, shouting, crying, banging toys around.
I’ve always found the “ terrier mentality” can take a bit of handling ( never owned one but friends have, DD had one years ago) Very different to the dogs I’ve had.
Sounds like your parents treat the dog like a baby, not a dog.

IReallyLoveItHere · 21/04/2025 04:12

Some dogs cannot be left alone, so it may well be that you can't have them both round at the same time.

That is unfortunate but needs acknowledging, they took on the dog so need to care for him properly and if he cannot be left alone and has not been taught to behave properly then there are consequences.

Its shit that you tell them not to bring the dog and they do though. They're completely disregarding your wishes and their gc safety.

Be VERY clear next time, send a reminder text if necessary. I would be kinder about the reasons though, if the dog cannot be left alone what are your expectations?

Realism28494 · 21/04/2025 04:24

No way would I allow that dog anywhere near my DS. If they want to make an ultimatum then tell them they’re not welcome unless they come without the dog.

I would never let a visitor bring a dog into my house under any circumstances.

TasWair · 21/04/2025 05:18

Your parents are being really awful. I can't imagine the guilt my DP would feel if their dog bit my DC, nevermind draw blood! They wouldn't dream of having them together again. I'm sorry that your parents are so uncaring OP.

FeelYourWorriesDisappear · 21/04/2025 05:24

As you asked them not to bring their dog, they were very rude to do so. Your parents sound really irresponsible and immature. If they couldn’t leave the dog or didn’t want to, they should have just refused your invite.

Stillearninglife · 21/04/2025 05:58

Completely understand your frustration.

It’s an immediate no, non negotiable on grounds of safety.
So if it were me, it would be a very very clear message to them that they are invited, the dog is not, if they come with the dog then the invite is cancelled.
Sulk and storm off if they want to, that’s up to them, but they are no longer welcome and I’d also be clear at how disappointed I am that they put a dog over a grandchild and their safety.

WTF are they thinking? Selfish, entitled in addition to acting like spoiled toddlers. No, no way. Withdraw and set the boundary.

RedHelenB · 21/04/2025 06:00

Realism28494 · 21/04/2025 04:24

No way would I allow that dog anywhere near my DS. If they want to make an ultimatum then tell them they’re not welcome unless they come without the dog.

I would never let a visitor bring a dog into my house under any circumstances.

This.

AmusedGoose · 21/04/2025 06:19

Maybe agree to meet on neutral ground such as a park with a cafe or a dog friendly coffee shop. Keep it short too so neither dog or DS gets too bored. Your parents are being unreasonable but there is nothing you can do. This is going to be a problem for a very long time.

forgotmyusername1 · 21/04/2025 06:23

Tell your parents they have a choice
Either they visit without the dog and have a relationship with their grandchild or they put the dog first and you will see them in about a decade when the dog is dead although by that point their grandson will be a teenager and likely not want them involved in his life

If they bring to dog with a crate then the crate will get opened. If it goes in the garden your dad will let it in. There will be continual boundary pushing to make you capitulate

Their dog bit their grandson. Their dog is not welcome in your house. That is the end of it

Blobbitymacblob · 21/04/2025 06:23

I think you are right to draw boundaries around them. It’s shocking that they disregard your request about a dog that drew blood on a toddlers face. But it’s also very concerning that your mum would carry on in a way that upsets her gc, and more than once. I don’t think I’d want to expose a child to them, never mind to their dog.

What were they like when you were growing up?

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 21/04/2025 06:23

Your parents are pathetic, petty and spiteful.

Unfortunately they also don't care about the welfare of your ds.

I would certainly not bother to invite them again.

Idiots.

CurbsideProphet · 21/04/2025 06:28

Their dog bit their grandchild and they think you're being difficult? I would be concerned about their ability to think clearly.

Original poster
corinabride · 21/04/2025 07:14

Thanks for all your replies, I’ve barely slept with going over it in my head. My DH thinks I was a bit harsh and should have let the dog stay in the hope things would have been ok but I know it would have been the same.

my relationship with my dad has never been good, I was scared of him as a child and always feel a bit awkward with him as we have no bond. He wasn’t a natural father and I don’t believe he really wanted children as he used to sulk for days on end and be very moody. He’s 80 this year and nothings changed. I’d hoped he’d make a little effort with his only grandchild but he doesn’t. He just prefers his dog.

OP posts:
Dwells · 21/04/2025 07:54

It's not you OP, your parent's behaviour is atrocious. Let them have their sulks and strops, they are acting like petulant children and you and DS deserve so much more than that. Please remember that EVERY TIME.

Any dog has the potential kill a child even if their owners think the sun shines out of their arse. There will be no time as well.

I can't stand it when I'm at the park and a dog off the lead comes flapping about around my scared kids and the owners are like 'oh she's scared of children' or 'oh she's friendly' ... I don't care, my kids are frightened and who wouldn't be when an animal comes at you that is the same or bigger than you.

Dogs seem to have so much more 'space' and 'rights' and a 'voice' than our kids do...it's not fair or right.

myplace · 21/04/2025 08:04

You’ve done nothing wrong. They are useless, I can’t imagine missing seeing a child because I couldn’t correctly organise my dog.

As a general tip though, does your DS know how to be calm around excitable animals? He’s of an age to be learning about it. I had friends visit my house, and their children seemed to be deliberately winding my dog up- squealing and running. The parents were oblivious, perhaps not understanding the situation. I crated my dog, but they sat there looking at him and squealing, leaping up down and being generally a bit obnoxious. I haven’t invited them since, though we see them elsewhere.

myplace · 21/04/2025 08:06

Just to emphasise I’m absolutely not saying it’s the child’s fault, and it’s always the dog that needs to be contained, just that it’s worth children knowing how to behave around animals as well.

JoyousEagle · 21/04/2025 08:06

I wouldn’t have waited for my dad to leave in a huff, I’d have told them both to go home. This dog bit your child on the face, drawing blood. Are they insane bringing it to your house (when you explicitly told them not to as well) - what are they thinking?

TheSandgroper · 21/04/2025 08:14

Then you need to take your father as he is rather than the father you would wish for.

Issue invitations all you like and go visiting all you like but have your parameters set in your mind and as soon as one is broken either you walk out or they are told to walk out.

Every single time. It’s the only way.

Serpentstooth · 21/04/2025 08:24

Disgraceful parents. You are not outraged enough OP. Bitey dogs are dangerous to everyone but particularly so to small children. I'm sorry you have such ignorant parents, too stupid to train a dog or understand what acceptable social behaviour is. It would be a very long time before they crossed my doorstep, dog or not.

littlebilliie · 21/04/2025 09:32

Drew blood? Was this a scratch or bite? I think it’s a scratch then your DS needs to learn more about being around animals in general. Dogs can get very excited around children.

GentlemanJay · 21/04/2025 09:46

They sound bloody minded and stubborn. They should expect that not everyone likes dogs.

Serpentstooth · 21/04/2025 09:47

No 5 year old should have either a scratch or a bite from a dog. What is wrong with you pp littlebillie? All dogs should be properly socialised by the age of 2 and under the control of owners. Left to themselves they'll behave like dogs, especially terriers, give them an inch etc. Young children make squeaky noises and smell interesting. Not a good mix.