Grandparents dog scares ds and they refuse to acknowledge it

[corinabride]

I’m so upset and frustrated. My parents have a 2 year old terrier who’s always snapped at my 5 year old ds. The pup is calm when with my parents hut gets over excited with ds because he’s running around and being lively. He’s even drew blood on ds face before in excitement.

last east I invited my parents over for Easter Sunday dinner on the understanding they wouldn’t bring the dog (so my ds could enjoy the day without worrying)
they ignored my request and bought the dog anyway, my dad ended up leaving because I said ‘why have you bought the dog when I asked you not to’ my mum threatened to leave which got ds upset. Anyways it’s taken a year and only seen my dad once since then. I decided to invited them over again this year for Easter Sunday dinner and guess what… they bought the dog again!!! The exact same thing happened, my dad stormed off in a huff after only being here 2 minutes and my mum threatened to walk home which upset ds again!!!
my dads said that if the dog isn’t welcome then he isn’t.

is it me? I just feel they out the dog before their own grandchild, it’s really upsetting.

They are sending out the message that their antisocial, barky and bitey animal is more important to them than their grandson. That's pretty awful.

I’m a dog person but their behaviour is out of order. They could leave the dog at home for a couple of hours while you have dinner. When you visit them, one of them could take the dog out. At the end of the day if it gets out of control and the dog attacks your son, it’ll be PTS.

Seems to me that your dad still thinks he can order you about.

Time to teach him that he can't.

I’m an enormous animal lover OP but there is no way this dog would be around my child. Dogs and children always need careful supervision at the best of times, if you know this dog will bite then there has to be zero opportunity for anything to happen. A bite to the face can easily blind or disfigure, a bite to the arm or leg can cause permanent nerve damage, why risk it?

If the dog can’t be left alone at all and they won’t make an effort to train that out, then there are a few options:1, crate training, 2, keeping the dog in a separate room or the the garden. 3, Even kept short leashed in the house where it’s out of reach of your child.

Personally, even though my dog is now good with my DD I opt for option 1 or 2 around other children - and that’s with no bite history. Why even take the risk if you don’t have to? It shouldn’t be seen as cruel or a big deal, otherwise the owners are v v v unreasonable.

Only emotionally retarded idiots put a dog before their grandchild. I’m sorry op but it looks like they don’t care and won’t change. I’d give up.

If the dog is snapping at your son then you're totally justified in not wanting it around your son. I can't believe your parents bring the dog with them when they come over! My parents
had dogs when my kids were little but they never brought them over to my house!
I love dogs but I wouldn't t trust any dog 100%, especially if it's already drawn blood!
But the real issue here is your parents complete lack of respect for your wishes!

They aren’t going to acknowledge it.
if you want your child to have a relationship with them then invite them to places where the dog can’t go- like a zoo or soft play.

Stop making this about your child’s emotions. This is about basic safety.

The dog has snapped at your child repeatedly.
the dog has drawn blood on your child’s face.

There are no circumstances where that dog should be around your child or any child again.

What a couple of selfish twats. A dog draws blood from my child’s face, that would be the end of any contact between them and any decent, reasonable loving grandparent should feel the same or they would be binned off too.

So I am a major dog lover/owner and also a mother. This dog drew blood on your child's face, and you shouldn't even have to explain that to your parents.

IF the reason is not wanting to leave the dog alone, yes, some dogs struggle to be left home alone but then he needs to work on training the dog to be okay with it for a couple of hours. Also, it's not like he explained he had to bring the dog, apologized, asked to put it somewhere away from your son, etc. Quite the opposite!

I can totally see this playing out. I have extremely entitled parents who want everything on their terms and don't respect me enough to honor any boundary, even in my own home, which is why I no longer have them over or speak to them. So I fully agree that your father isn't going to change, and the mere fact that he not only brought the dog against your expressed wishes and then had a tantrum over it with absolutely no regard for your justifiable concerns shows that he is not capable of having a real relationship, only on his terms.

I also don't think he is doing his beloved dog any favors by putting in a position where it could harm someone again. So he's not thinking about anyone but himself.

This is extremely sad. Your dad is a complete arsehole.

Have you tried teaching your child how to behave around animals? terriers in particular will chase a child that's running round like a lunatic if you taught him to sit and calmly pet the dog and give it treats and walk rather than run you might find they actually enjoy each other's company and can play outside with a ball etc
My oldest is in her 20s and I've had dogs ( bull terriers and bull breeds) since she was a baby and I've taught all of them how to behave around animals from being babies this keeps them safe in the home with resident dogs and also dogs in public .
Failing that can your dad just not stay at home and your mother visit without him he doesn't sound all that pleasant anyway

Tell your dad to take a good long walk over a short cliff. He was a horrible father, so he was never likely to be a good grandfather either unfortunately.

Do whatever you have to do to prevent that dog ever being anywhere near your DS again. I wouldn't be subjecting myself to your father very much either.

Some dogs find children unpredictable and are therefore more reactive. For this reason your parents should be making every effort to keep the dog away from their grandchildren. I don’t accept that they can’t leave their dog for a couple of hours. The dog is attached to them because they have allowed this. It’s only two years old and it can still learn healthy separation. They could also put the dog on a leash around company, or put it away in another room, or even put a muzzle on it for safety reasons around your child. Your child is the priority here for you.

It had to be a bully breed owner trying to blame the child 😂

Sounds like my father and to my father the dog was number one as it loved him and no one else did, your father is also controlling and your mother goes along with it as he's in charge, your home your rules and no dog, he also reminds me of my friends dad years ago when I lived with her i put up a no smoking sign on the front door which he ignored!!

Wait. He is 80 and has a 2 year old dog.

Hope he isn't going to ask you to look after it as chances are the dog will out live him.

Seems selfish to take on a young dog at that age and is probably why it is snappy

Way to blame the victim!

Completely agree. My mum has chosen her dog over seeing me and her grandchild in that I dared to voice the opinion a few years ago that it wasn’t great that every time I went it jumped up scratched me ripped tights etc and I couldn’t sit down as it would be trying to get to my face. Her response- dont come round then. This is a woman who has treated me like an unpaid pa since I can remember. It’s five or six now and I saw her out with it at weekend, it was still going mental to get to me and nearly pulling her over (she’s 83, five foot two and about seven stone). She did go through a stage of keep bringing it round, it went for one of my daughters friends but as with alll dim people her reaction was to blame the child and not remove the dog so my husband dragged it away, cue her not speaking to him. I just hope it dies before she does. And I’m a huge dog lover.

that was long sorry but just sad it’s a common thing.

Common trait unfortunately to blame the child. Not very emotionally mature / aware people allowed to have pets sadly.

The dog had a chance and it bit your child's face! That's a hard no from me too, also a dog lover with a bouncy pooch, albeit she's not a biting terrier, she's pretty pawsie but absolutely respect if people don't want her in their house. In fact if we visit we either ask or just leave her home, it's only a few hours!

Would they bring a dog to a restaurant that didn't allow them? No? Just for a few hours? This might be the only solution.
Seeing your update OP I don't think there is respect there and so the dog will always come first. I think your mum sounds under the thumb of a dominator and won't stand up to him and has had a lifetime of going along to get along

It's sad but this is predictable so the only way is they both don't get invites and your son isn't upset by them having to leave. It's not worth it bless him.

Don’t invite them any more. Either meet in public (so dog is on a lead ) or if you feel it’s manageable go to theirs and plan it in a way that works for you.

Work colleague, woman in mid 40s, married for 29 years plus. "I'm sad I shall never go to Paris"
Me ? Whyever not? It's an hour away
"Sigh. We can't go because Ian, my husband, hates the French"
????? What? Turn away, biting my tongue.
Some people surrender their autonomy in a marriage OP. Your mother sounds like one of them. You won't change them.