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Original poster

Do people look up to their older siblings?

60 replies

Floopodboe · 20/04/2025 21:13

This can be either your own siblings or what you've seen with your own DC.

I've encouraged my eldest to be a role model to his younger siblings. (Doing well at school/uni, succeeding in his career). I want my other DC to follow in my eldest's footsteps.

OP posts:
henlake7 · 20/04/2025 21:17

My older brother still lives at home in his mid fifties and is no help to our parents at all, complete waste of space.
Growing up I was always treated as the responsible one so I can't say I do look up to him!😄

tinyspiny · 20/04/2025 21:17

I love my siblings but no I don’t look up to them or use than as a role model and never have .

LeaveTaking · 20/04/2025 21:17

Nope!

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Families
Willyoushutthefrontdoor · 20/04/2025 21:20

Not particularly. I love them very much but can't say I'd ever aspire to be like them because I'm me...

CalypsoCuthbertson · 20/04/2025 21:20

Urgh. I was an elder sibling treated like that, and it’s so much pressure to be the perfect one all the time. Do you tell the youngest to be a good role model for the eldest or others too? What if the younger one has completely unique skills/talents that would thrive on a different education/career path?

mynameiscalypso · 20/04/2025 21:21

I would hate my younger brother to think he had to follow my example. I was academic at school, Oxbridge degree, professional career etc. His path has been very different but that’s absolutely fine. We have different strengths.

OneFingerOneThumbKeepMoving · 20/04/2025 21:21

Nothing could be further from the truth in my situation. He's been a total let down since my lovely dad passed away. We haven't seen him in nearly five years. After the things he's done, I could never ever respect him.

Darkambergingerlily · 20/04/2025 21:23

Definitely not. I am 2 years younger than my brother and started realising he was a bit of an idiot when I was 16.
i love him but I am far more mature than him.

he’s funny and fun to be around but now in our 30s he’s still dreaming of his uni hey day while I am a grown up with children etc. he’s all about the day drinking and wild times.

lotsnof family and family friends have mistaken me for being the older sibling for years (I could drive 10 years before him, had a proper job before him. Got married before him (he’s not married))

lots of family holiday I had to remind him to bring his passport (he was at uni) and send him flight times and check his train times. Once he went on holiday with my dad and I didn’t go. They both had a huge go at me as I didn’t remind brother about his passport and he missed his flight.
I have to text him about everyone’s birthday and Mother’s Day etc

Vettrianofan · 20/04/2025 21:23

My eldest has had lots of health problems, physical and mental health related and been in trouble too. Usually the eldest is responsible, but it's not the case in my own family. This has really surprised me. DC2 and DC3 are more responsible.

sunshineandshowers40 · 20/04/2025 21:24

I'm the oldest and I'm sure my siblings don't look up to me (and I wouldn't want them to).

My younger DC don't look up to the eldest. The expectation must put so much pressure on the older sibling.

HouseAshamed · 20/04/2025 21:24

I did and was encouraged to do so. She was mean to me a lot. I haven't spoken to her for about 15 years.

skippy67 · 20/04/2025 21:24

God no.

Ecrire · 20/04/2025 21:25

Floopodboe · 20/04/2025 21:13

This can be either your own siblings or what you've seen with your own DC.

I've encouraged my eldest to be a role model to his younger siblings. (Doing well at school/uni, succeeding in his career). I want my other DC to follow in my eldest's footsteps.

And have you considered the lifelong psychological impacts this is leaving on your eldest? Or indeed the younger ones?

YouBelongWithMe · 20/04/2025 21:25

I am the oldest and don't think anyone particularly looks up to me! (Although I do have a professional career and have made a moderate success of my life).

I have three teens. The oldest is quite, not very, academic but has an excellent work ethic and is very motivated. He also sought out part time employment as soon as he turned 16 and earns his own money, which my younger two definitely admire and aspire to. He is a great role model to them. Our middle child is exceptionally academic, and I hope our youngest won't feel the pressure to live up to her attainment.

Vettrianofan · 20/04/2025 21:25

And I was the eldest, and my brother two years younger than me. I was very responsible growing up. My brother got into lots of bother. Completely the opposite of my experience as a parent of children!

Whenindoubthugitout · 20/04/2025 21:26

What an awful burden and responsibility to place on your child!!!!!

(as an eldest child -whose mother had a similar view to yours)

CarpetKnees · 20/04/2025 21:27

No. I wouldn't put that pressure on my oldest dc.

I get on with / love my siblings, but we are equal.
My dc are equal too.

Not sure why you would put a child on a pedestal just because of birth order.

verycloakanddaggers · 20/04/2025 21:27

No, siblings are individuals and should be encouraged to view each other as equals.

I've encouraged my eldest to be a role model to his younger siblings this isn't healthy, it's pressure for both sides.

ihmysrn · 20/04/2025 21:27

Floopodboe · 20/04/2025 21:13

This can be either your own siblings or what you've seen with your own DC.

I've encouraged my eldest to be a role model to his younger siblings. (Doing well at school/uni, succeeding in his career). I want my other DC to follow in my eldest's footsteps.

What could possibly go wrong!

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 20/04/2025 21:29

I don’t have older siblings but I think as an adult that would be weird.

hopethathelped · 20/04/2025 21:31

I have an amazing adult step daughter and my dc absolutely look up to and idolise her.
i don’t expect her her to do anything differently though for their benefit, she’s actually been a traditionally ‘bad role model’ a lot of the time.
I want them all to grow up and be themselves

LuckysDadsHat · 20/04/2025 21:31

Not at all. In fact we are no contact now and have been for years. He's a twat of the highest order and doesn't care about anyone but himself. I don't want to be that person, so would never ever look up to him.

SkaneTos · 20/04/2025 21:33

My older brother is one of my best friends. I look up to him in some ways, he has a succesful career, and a great family, and I admire that because I know that he has had many challenges in his life. He has a really good life now.

But he is not perfect, and I am not perfect, and more than looking up to him, I love him for being my brother and my friend. We have a lot of fun, and we support each other, and that is what is most important.

persisted · 20/04/2025 21:34

Success looks different for different people.

I was always very academic, went to university etc. 4 younger siblings were not and did not, 3 have dyslexia.

1 is an excellent craftsmen, and 2 of them make more money than I will ever see.
Thankfully we were all encouraged to pursue our interests and be the best we could be. They were never going to be like me, why should they be?

ItsUpToYou · 20/04/2025 21:34

As a kid I idolised my older sister (unbeknownst to her.) That faded in my teens when I realised she was not that admirable.

DS admires DD. DD is pretty admirable to be fair so I can’t imagine it fading in his teens.