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Original poster

11 year olds coping with things they don't like

69 replies

purpleme12 · 17/04/2025 18:52

If you were in a kind of take away cafe place that you can sit down in.
We ordered food. One I thought she would like but we hadn't tried it before. She agreed to try that food.
Unfortunately she didn't like it much when it came.
So I was there eating mine cos I liked mine but she didn't like hers.

Would your 11 year old be able to cope ok with that?
How would your 11 year old react to that?

OP posts:
JandamiHash · 17/04/2025 18:57

Yes my 11yo would be fine, probably just a bit huffy about being hungry. I’d probably just order chips for her if this was the case.

AusBoundDD · 17/04/2025 19:00

Do you mean you specifically chose your 11 year old’s food order?

OnLockdown · 17/04/2025 19:02

My ds hasn't got any issues around food so would probably eat some even if it wasn't what he wanted. If he really didn't like it, I'd offer to swap for mine. If he didn't like either I'd get him something else either in the same place or later. But as I said, it wouldn't be the norm for him to refuse to eat something.

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Original poster
purpleme12 · 17/04/2025 19:02

Well no, sorry if that wasn't clear
She knew the options of what to have
She agreed to try this particular thing. That was what she wanted to try

OP posts:
HarryVanderspeigle · 17/04/2025 19:04

My kids make their own choices when we are out. If I steered them to try something unknown, I would still get them something they definitely liked.

To be fair, I would be miffed if someone encouraged me to try something, didn't like it and they sat there eating the thing they did like while I was hungry. Doesn't sound fun and I am much older than 11.

MereNoelle · 17/04/2025 19:05

Mine would probably have a few mouthfuls then ask for a slice of cake or something.

SleepyRooster · 17/04/2025 19:06

No, mine would be upset and hungry.

ScrewtopRose · 17/04/2025 19:09

Mine would be disappointed and a bit grumpy. I’d probably get them something else in the cafe or elsewhere if they hadn’t eaten very much. If this happens to us I always say some you win, some you lose and always it’s good to try new things!

AusBoundDD · 17/04/2025 19:12

HarryVanderspeigle · 17/04/2025 19:04

My kids make their own choices when we are out. If I steered them to try something unknown, I would still get them something they definitely liked.

To be fair, I would be miffed if someone encouraged me to try something, didn't like it and they sat there eating the thing they did like while I was hungry. Doesn't sound fun and I am much older than 11.

This. I wouldn’t want an adult sitting there just watching me eat if they didn’t like their own food so I certainly wouldn’t have done it to my DD! I’m 50 and wouldn’t be happy if someone did this to me! I would’ve ordered something different for her.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 17/04/2025 19:12

To reiterate to the people who seem to think I chose her something myself and that was that- she had many choices and SHE chose that one. I obviously did choose a place where I really thought she would like the things, and she has had those things before and liked them .(but this was the first time we'd been to this place)

I did actually offer alternatives when it became abundantly clear she was very unhappy. I offered a few different options from Greggs that she likes. But she didn't fancy them either at that time. So neither did that solve the issue.

OP posts:
HollyBerryz · 17/04/2025 19:13

What do you mean by she agreed to try it? Did you push her to have something she's not had before? I mean at 11 I'd have been livid but I do get hangry 😂

Gymmum82 · 17/04/2025 19:14

She would probably pick around the bits she liked and leave the rest. If she couldn’t eat any of it then she might get huffy or ask for something else. Or ask to swap with me

Original poster
purpleme12 · 17/04/2025 19:14

Again as stated, we had not been to this place before. So no she'd not had this exact thing before.

I really thought I'd worded it ok

OP posts:
Gymmum82 · 17/04/2025 19:16

If I offered an alternative like greggs then she would be fine. She wouldn’t continue to sulk or refuse food because she ‘didn’t fancy it’ she knows quite well that at home she eats or goes hungry I don’t do alternatives at home

ScrewtopRose · 17/04/2025 19:16

how did she actually react then?

palmtree2008 · 17/04/2025 19:18

I have 11 year old twins and if they genuinely really didn’t like the food I would just get them a replacement, it’s meant to be a treat eating out and not nice to have it spoilt for the sake of a few quid, but maybe I am too soft!

AusBoundDD · 17/04/2025 19:18

Gymmum82 · 17/04/2025 19:16

If I offered an alternative like greggs then she would be fine. She wouldn’t continue to sulk or refuse food because she ‘didn’t fancy it’ she knows quite well that at home she eats or goes hungry I don’t do alternatives at home

You sound delightful! I will never understand parents who can’t grasp the concept of not every person having the exact same taste in food.

gettingbacktobeingmeagain · 17/04/2025 19:18

DS10 has sensory issues with some foods, so I'd have said "well done for trying something new" (because I would be genuinely pleased that he had) and then I'd have ordered him some chips or something else easy instead.

WompWompBoom · 17/04/2025 19:20

I have a "rule" with my daughter, just 12, that she can try anything she wants, and if she doesn't like it then I'll order her something else instead. But her refusing food would be an absolute exception rather than the main behaviour. As a result she's tried (and loves) loads of stuff, some that wouldn't even have (squid, octopus, etc). So if she'd have said she didn't like it, I'd have shared mine, ordered her something she would have liked, or let her eat the bits on the plate she likes.

MereNoelle · 17/04/2025 19:23

How did your daughter react OP?

Gymmum82 · 17/04/2025 19:25

AusBoundDD · 17/04/2025 19:18

You sound delightful! I will never understand parents who can’t grasp the concept of not every person having the exact same taste in food.

Show quote history

To clarify I don’t mind them disliking things. But I don’t make 4 different meals because they ‘don’t fancy’ what we’re having. I make one meal, something I know they like and if they don’t fancy it there is no alternative

Original poster
purpleme12 · 17/04/2025 19:25

I can't get it across here
She has some problems with her emotions.
'huffy' doesn't quite get it across. Making faces. Pushing food away then to her again. Making it obvious she wasn't happy. But so much so it ruined the time for us both. I sympathised. Like I say I did offer a few alternatives from Greggs that I knew she liked but they wouldn't do either. Basically nothing helped. She wouldn't stop (which is a regular problem, bringing herself out of it).
She did manage to express it to me quite well for her while we were there (doesn't normally) she managed to say I find it hard to adapt. (Expecting to eat something she liked)
Hard when you're sitting having a great time and I'm not.
And yes I had offered her mine but she didn't like mine either she said.

I'm not convinced she was hungry it was the other issues

OP posts:
GoldenPineapple15 · 17/04/2025 19:31

It’s only happened to me once . We swapped meals . Her choice wouldn’t have been my first choice , but never mind , solved a problem because she liked my choice better . If that has not have been the case I would have ordered chips , garlic bread or pudding .

iwentjasonwaterfalls · 17/04/2025 19:32

My rule with DD11 is I will encourage her to try new things, but I'll always get a safe food too so she has a backup. She hates asking for things and is scared of being seen as an inconvenience so if she had one thing and didn't like it, she wouldn't ask for a replacement, which can cause some anxiety - so we always just get an alternative alongside it, which removes that anxiety.

I know that as a child if I'd tried something new and didn't like it, it would have been thrown back in my face as a waste of money, and then if an alternative had been offered and I'd accepted, I'd be costing them too much and ungrateful. It meant that I never tried anything new because the experience made me so anxious.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 17/04/2025 19:33

She's good at trying new things so that's not a problem

I wasn't mad or anything that she didn't like it

Wondered how others this age cope with things

OP posts:
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