11 year olds coping with things they don't like

[purpleme12]

If you were in a kind of take away cafe place that you can sit down in.
We ordered food. One I thought she would like but we hadn't tried it before. She agreed to try that food.
Unfortunately she didn't like it much when it came.
So I was there eating mine cos I liked mine but she didn't like hers.

Would your 11 year old be able to cope ok with that?
How would your 11 year old react to that?

I leave that to DH, I can’t cope with the cries that everything doesn’t fit or is uncomfortable or ugly - it’s a nightmare, I left this nonsense behind in toddler years 🤣

That would be nice

Unfortunately she's not managed to self soothe yet 😞

I actually think there should be a survivors support group of mothers of 11yo girls. I feel so bad for her all the time because hormones are a motherfucker but honestly the mood swings make it like living with a school bully that you really love very much.

My 11 year old girl is lovely 😁. Maybe it’ll hit us at 12

I haven't got girls and I haven't had this exact scenario but I can imagine my 11DS doing this. The last 18m have been an emotional roller coaster and he's usually a delightful boy but sometimes there is literally no pleasing him. Tonight the ink cartridge had dried out in the printer because its not been used for a year and all hell has broken lose, I think its hormonal and sometimes he completely can't regulate. This isn't helpful but sharing because I feel you and its hard.

My DD does and she was assessed as being autistic aged 10. Sometimes it’s easier to think about trigger stacking of sensory things so everyone has a level of things they can cope with through out the day but the final thing breaks them when they run out of the internal energy to cope with the final thing. We don’t go shoe shopping because the getting to the shop, the noise, the other people, the smells all they sensory input before we have even got to the point of the demand for choosing & trying on shoes would just overload my DD completely. I order a couple of different pairs she try’s on at home and I send back what doesn’t fit. We rarely eat out unless it’s something she knows what it is advance. She’s a very intelligent young lady but can’t cope with sensory overwhelm then add in a extra dose of hormones and life is challenging.

She is probably normal, but you are trying to adapt to a changing teen?

Well this has been going on for a fair few years now so I don't think it's adapting to a teen no....

Although I'm constantly learning, certainly!

My dd would just want and probably ask for something else, whether that be chips or something from somewhere else after and that would be fine with me. She wouldn’t huff about it. She’s very thin though so I’m always trying to get calories into her. She does however get huffy and moody about other things.

Is she neuro diverse, Op? Her behaviour sounds very unusual and extreme for an 11 year old. More what you'd expect from a much younger child

You think?

I wasn't sure with some of the replies!

Honestly, if DD orders something she's never had before and therefore might not like, I order something I know she will eat so we can either swap or share if need be 😳

Thing is I thought she'd like both the things we had! Educated guess but we'd never been there before so you never know till you try do you

I have one who really struggles with emotional regulation. Lying down in the shoe shop sounds like her a few years ago (and she is 12…) My younger one finds it much easier to rationalise and move on.

The one who struggles is ND

I'd probably swap and let them eat mine, as I like almost anything.

My 11yo dd would not react at all I don’t think, particularly if she’d made the choice herself. She’d probably push it around her plate a bit, say she wasn’t hungry after all without admitting she didn’t like it and then I’d maybe offer to share mine or swap, no stress. However, she is post-puberty now and was quite unpredictable and anxious a couple of years ago - not around something like this, but other things triggered her massively. There is zero chance she’d make a scene about anything in public now. I also have a 9yo dd who would probably react as your dd has done and spoil the meal. She isn’t at all ND, just gets very hangry and probably at the start of the hormonal mood swings.

Yup

Moan a bit but probably eat it

Or at least time of it I.e. plain rice

We'd have cobbled together enough of everyone else's meals to make an OK mains, and make sure everyone had the option of pudding.
Yes, I've swapped with a child occasionally - especially on planes. But probably because they think mine looks better rather than their not being right.

Shoes: DS2 (13) is particular about clothing and shoes, but he's never laid down in a shop in protest (to be fair, he'd want to be out of their, and lying down would extend the time having to be in a shop!). I buy all his clothes for him - he just isn't bothered so long as it's pretty much the same as the previous 8 years...

I don't think the (obviously the most notable) examples given sound typical for an 11 year old.

Thanks

Interesting