Being poked at during conversation

[slonestranger]

I have a family member who pokes the person she's speaking to in order to emphasise a point. I have told her not to do it to me (and try to maintain distance when she's talking now) but she got all affronted and still hasn't stopped.

To explain, it's like a tactile exclamation mark in her case, that's the only way I can understand it.

Is this normal? Do other people use prods while conversing? I'm baffled.

What other weird behaviour do people display?

I’d grab her finger every time and put it by her side

How bloody rude! Have you tried doing it back, or would that not bother her? I would just walk away every time she tried to do this saying I'm not listening to you because you are poking me AGAIN. Does she just do it with family or would she do it to a complete stranger?

I get annoyed when people wag their fingers too - just rude. I say don't wag your finger at me, who do you think you are?

Is it like finger waves stabby motion or actual contact.
Grab her finger in motion and if she doesn't stop , bend it

Weird speech rather than behaviour- I know someone who appears to be incapable of pronouncing 'th' sounds in words where they exist so says fick, fumbs, fighs, funder instead of thick, thumbs, thighs and thunder.

BUT instead of using the correct word 'however' she inserts a th sound where it doesn't exist so says 'howhether'.

Bewildering and irritating.

This would earn a swift sharp slap from me

Mocking someone’s speech impediment isn’t the same as someone who physically pokes people during conversation!

It's like a fast jab, it doesn't hurt, but I don't like being touched! It's too quick to anticipate so I couldn't grab and deflect. I don't even think she's aware she does it sometimes.

My Dad used to do this, always drove me bananas but my god, what I’d give now to be prodded in the arm for emphasis just one more time while he’s excitedly telling a story 🥹

Anyone else doing it can fuck off, though!

It'll be something along the lines of

"Oh I saw X today" jab "She said something funny" jab.

Then goes on to describe the "hilarious" event. Meanwhile I'm inching away to move out of range.

Oh I’d smack her

I agree with pp , grab her finger each time or if as you say she is to quick just shout POKE ! each time she does it.

I'm sorry about your dad @NameChange1412 you miss all the small things don't you.

But yes, this is exactly the same behavior.

Honestly, call it out each time. Does not matter if they take offence or not. Clearly they do not care about how you feel.

X you have just poked me. I have told you not to, do not do it again.

If they do it again walk way from the conversation. X you have poked me again. I have already told you not to. I am no longer want to carry on this conversation as you keep poking me. Goodbye

I have particularly bony fingers so I am very aware not to prod someone - I have been accused of poking someone with a pen ! No that's my finger !
So I make sure I desist

It's not a speech impediment and I wasn't mocking. I said it is bewildering and irritating. Because it is.

As the recipient it's not nice being poked, but at least you took it on board and have stopped doing it.

my partner does this, I don’t like it but put up with it. Maybe if i was in a bad mood when he did it i would grab his finger, but i like him too much 😂

If as you say it’s very quick so difficult to catch or stop, I’d react by shouting OOOWWW very loudly each time she did it, followed with ‘timeout - why did you just poke me then for no reason? It’s not nice and it hurt. You keep doing it. I ask nicely that you don’t touch me and yet you continue to disrespect me and continue to hurt me. Do it again and this conversation is over’.

Make sure that you actively stop the conversation each time she does it so she is aware of how often it is. If she complains make sure you point out that it is her fault that this has happened; if she didn’t poke you then you wouldn’t need to interrupt the flow of the conversation. And having warned her that you’re going to stop the conversation, make sure you do so - if you want to continue it say that you’ll continue when she can control herself and have a normal civilised conversation without the need for physical contact. Otherwise point out that she has had her chance to have the conversation but lost it thanks to her continued unreasonable behaviour.

i knows it’s horrible having to react back of your not someone who would normally do that, but sadly it can sometimes be the only way to get a message through.

It's actually my Mother in Law and she lives with my family. It can be tricky as she does take offence and struggles with boundaries despite being pulled up on it.

She thinks of herself as the head of the household which is a very cultural view.

I have a colleague who does this. I don't mind people who are tactile but after a while - prodding fleshy bit of upper arm - it gets quite painful!

Have a glass of water in your hand and when she pokes you throw the water on her. Better if it’s ice cold of course.

Ha ha! I can only wish I had the balls to do that.

She doesn't struggle with boundaries. She struggles with being told no.

Same as all the sensitive people who can't take it but are confident enough to dish it out...

Grab the finger. Bend it back.

I would have slapped her by now.
Scream at her loudly right in her face when she does it, give her a shock, make it unpleasant to her to keep doing this.
Just because SHE thinks she's head of the house because of her culture doesn't entitled her to keep poking and touching you.

Someone's culture is not an excuse to abuse people.