I have just hosted my mum for 4 days

[whyeyeeyeeyeeye]

NEVER AGAIN

I say this every time

But she is just so FREE with her advice on everything. Unsolicited of course. She was (and is) a perfect mother and I am a terrible one. She’s deeply perturbed by the fact I don’t agree with this.

Just going to eat half a Colin to relax.

🍷🍷🍷

@whyeyeeyeeyeeye you are a very brave lady. Time to stop hosting maybe??? I can only tolerate my dad for a few days before I get overwhelmed by it. Sending hugs 🫂 and solidarity x

I used to have a very large glass of wine after my mums visits 😑

My mum died 11 years ago... and I'd have felt completely the same as you if she'd stayed in my house for 4 days, God rest her soul 😂

Just posting to forestall the inevitable 'You're lucky, my mum's dead' posts - you're welcome 😉

I used to give my DMIL glasses of Iced Peach Tea when she came on extended visits (Liptons).
She never knew I had vodka in mine 😃

Apparently when my siblings and I were children we never misbehaved at the table. I just don’t think that can be true can it? Or was there so much smacking and threats of smacking in the 90s that we really didn’t?

Anyway there was a lot of cat’s bum mouth when my DC did some mild bored naughtiness when in a pub, not to mention when I then let them have ice cream after our meal even though we’d already had a lolly at the park that afternoon.

Of course you misbehaved, she's just forgotten, or choosing to forget, those times.
Shes doing that thing that all older people do-looking at the past with rose-tinted specs on. "Things were so much better in MY day" etc.

I don’t know when the ‘hand out unsolicited advice’ phase kicks in, but it seems a consistent theme among a certain age group.

Absolutely anything I do parenting-wise my mother doesn’t, she rolls her eyes at.

‘My house, my rules’ quite satisfying to say though.

Have you tried saying 'I learned how to be a mother from you'

Have the row, you might get some peace.

The rose tinted hindsight is so inconsistent. When mine were small she used to say that I should get them on a feeding schedule because they were manipulating me and now DSis has a baby DMum says she’s leering her starve because DSis will try dummy before offering milk.

Having the row with her does not scratch the itch. It’s like arguing with a toddler. She just doesn’t engage or give any ground and the misremembering history is too frustrating.

Have the row. Let her flounce. My dm flounced. I had peace.. Complete peace for 10 years..
Had a bash at reconciliation but didn't work out..
Been 13 years this time!
I won't be going back for more...

3 nights is my limit.
I love her, but longer than that and I turn into a sulking teenager and we start shouting at each other and slamming doors...

I’ve lucked out this Easter: mine is refusing to come to ours because we don’t do things properly (ie. her way). I should be sad because I’m not sure how many Easters she has left, but actually I’m relieved that I won’t have to look at the cat’s bum mouth!

@whyeyeeyeeyeeye What the f**k is "half a Colin"?

50% of a full Colin. Hopefully the face bit as that’s the best bit.

How far away does she live?

What is it like if you go there instead?

I think a lot of eye rolling and a lot of remembering that she won't always be here can get you through quite a long way!!

But for now, just keep telling yourself 'never again' an opening another bottle of wine!!!

I’ve never done it. Nor have my friends. I always go by what the parents say first my DGC and never offer unsolicited advice. Please don’t say it’s an age thing. It’s very rude.

Ok, but what's a "full Colin"?
Yes, I'm seriously that thick that I don't know🙄

Colin the Caterpillar cake. Yum!

Any time I had to spend the weekend with my late mother, I would take a hip flask full of brandy with me.

google colin the caterpillar
but it might make you feel hungry 😁

I'm an old person. I don't think things were better 'back then', nor do I think I was the perfect parent. You can't generalise about any generation; that's the very definition of ageism.

and the misremembering history is too frustrating.

I discovered that cheerfully commenting that we ‘all remember things different’ used to really get to my mother, as there was really nothing to argue about.

Bliss

She’s 4 hours away and we recently convinced her to move out of the house we grew up in so she can no longer host.

“we all remember things differently” is a great phrase! She loves to rewrite history.

(nearly) half a Colin has done the trick. 🐛 I feel zen. If a bit bloated.

Genuine question. How do you all manage not to care what your mother thinks? I’m in my 40’s and realise I’m still trying to get my mother to say I’ve done / am doing well… would quite like the confidence you all seem to have to not give a hoot either way…