Page 2 | I have just hosted my mum for 4 days

whyeyeeyeeyeeye · 2025-04-14T20:01:32+00:00

NEVER AGAIN I say this every time But she is just so FREE with her advice on everything. Unsolicited of course. She was (and is) a perfect mother and I am a terrible one. She’s deeply perturbed by the fact I don’t agree with this. Just going to eat half a Colin to relax.

LizziesCat · 14/04/2025 22:00

applerose01 · 14/04/2025 21:55

Genuine question. How do you all manage not to care what your mother thinks? I’m in my 40’s and realise I’m still trying to get my mother to say I’ve done / am doing well… would quite like the confidence you all seem to have to not give a hoot either way…

Therapy, it’s awesome

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 14/04/2025 22:00

@whyeyeeyeeyeeye had to laugh at this bit!! Just going to eat half a Colin to relax. we all know it is colin the caterpillar cake* *and the first response if from Hungry caterpillar's mummy!!!

shellyleppard · 14/04/2025 22:02

@applerose01 its not easy. I'm 56 and had a difficult relationship with my mum. Moved 150 miles away from home. The final straw came when she nearly fell coming down the stairs at my house due to poor mobility. I said if you come up again you need to use a commode downstairs as not safe. She never came back. I decided then that I wasn't going to bend over backwards to help her anymore. Its difficult but I think sometimes you have to, just to keep your own peace of mind. We kept in touch mainly on the phone or the occasional letter. Stay strong x

Original poster

whyeyeeyeeyeeye · 14/04/2025 22:03

@applerose01 i really do recommend Colin

but also looking at all the lunatic decisions your mum has made and all the batshit opinions she holds and asking if you really want her approval to be the barometer of your success

OP posts:

WoolerOwl · 14/04/2025 22:06

VWT5 · 14/04/2025 21:08

I used to give my DMIL glasses of Iced Peach Tea when she came on extended visits (Liptons).
She never knew I had vodka in mine 😃

The other way round also works. My husband used to give my mum double strength gin and tonic at 5pm, while we stayed sober, so she'd fall asleep on the sofa and shut up for half an hour. Blessed relief.

PollyCreo · 14/04/2025 22:06

Oh OP 😞 Well done ✅

Mine's coming to stay next month for 2 weeks 🤬 I still haven't got over her last stay two years ago when I was recovering from surgery and waiting for biopsy results. I nearly put her in a taxi to the airport. FML 😡

Pandimoanymum · 14/04/2025 22:07

ThatSchoolOfficeLady · 14/04/2025 21:48

I'm an old person. I don't think things were better 'back then', nor do I think I was the perfect parent. You can't generalise about any generation; that's the very definition of ageism.

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As an old person myself, I saw it more as a light-hearted poking fun at myself-type comment. I'm sorry if it offended you.

neilyoungismyhero · 14/04/2025 22:11

Cesarina · 14/04/2025 21:46

Ok, but what's a "full Colin"?
Yes, I'm seriously that thick that I don't know🙄

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Colin the caterpillar cake?

Startrekobsessed · 14/04/2025 22:18

I feel you OP. Whenever my parents leave my husband and I have a very enjoyable bitching session about the things they’ve done that annoyed us during their stay, it’s cathartic!

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 14/04/2025 22:22

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 14/04/2025 22:00

@whyeyeeyeeyeeye had to laugh at this bit!! Just going to eat half a Colin to relax. we all know it is colin the caterpillar cake* *and the first response if from Hungry caterpillar's mummy!!!

Haha!!

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 14/04/2025 22:27

whyeyeeyeeyeeye · 14/04/2025 21:13

Apparently when my siblings and I were children we never misbehaved at the table. I just don’t think that can be true can it? Or was there so much smacking and threats of smacking in the 90s that we really didn’t?

Anyway there was a lot of cat’s bum mouth when my DC did some mild bored naughtiness when in a pub, not to mention when I then let them have ice cream after our meal even though we’d already had a lolly at the park that afternoon.

Mild bored naughtiness?
Interesting definition
Did you tell him off?

Original poster

whyeyeeyeeyeeye · 14/04/2025 22:34

Do you know what I mean? How would you describe it? Mild sibling squabbling when grown up chat is boring, grandma is being weird, your food is taking too long, mum won’t let you race round the restaurant etc. Yes I did tell them all off, not that it makes much difference.

OP posts:

Kitschnsync · 14/04/2025 22:35

I feel you!
My parents very kindly looked after my 3 so my husband and I could have a night away together. When I came back, I was immediately dealing with tantrums and whining. My mum told me, “there was none of that the whole time you were away, anyone would have thought they were the world’s most well behaved children.” the insinuation being she’s a better mum than me??
I used to feel almost paralysed around her because I knew however I parented my children, I’d get judgement or snide remarks or unsolited comments. I had to get therapy to learn how to deal with her- on one hand I’m grateful for her helping with the kids, but on the other she made me feel like I was useless.
Now I treat her like a colleague- upbeat, light, don’t overshare, and parent my kids the way I feel is right.
Well done for getting through it!

AmusedGoose · 14/04/2025 22:44

Hopefully you will be a better mum to your adult children. I suspect your mum can't relate to you and finds it very hard work to be with you too. See each other in small doses in future. You clearly neither respect or like her. Shame she wasted her life being your mum as you are ridiculous and acting like a petulant teen instead of a grown woman who can appreciatethe wisdom of experience. I don't understand some modern parenting methods either such as obsession with contact naps and find it very difficult to have a conversation with DIL who equally disagrees with some 90s parenting. Hard to talk about the weather for 4 days. Are you horrible about older work colleagues too?

TheeNotoriousPIG · 14/04/2025 22:44

4 days? 😮

Hats off to you, but you sound like you need to take a holiday as a result of this! Erm... can you adopt various children's friends/less critical relations/waifs and strays/a crying baby to sleep in all spare rooms and on the sofas every time she declares that she's going to visit? Then point her in the direction of the nearest holiday accommodation. Alternatively, you are decorating and can't possibly have guests to stay.

Family members always like to dispense unsolicited advice. My mother was busy advising me not to say anything about something that we had seen while out in public. I had to remind her that I live here full-time and manage without her advice the rest of the time, and I'm still alive and doing OK.

Sonolanona · 14/04/2025 22:51

I'm in my late 50s and a granny myself... but ended up having a full bown row with MY mum on Xmas day (which was day 3 of her visit)
She blatantly favoured one great grandchild over the other , had cats bum face most of the time, and played the ' Oh well I can't remember saying that, I'm old (sad face) if I said anything... she's sharp as a tack and has the memory of an elephant and in the end I lost it...and I have never lost it with her before.
I hope Colin has helped.
PS I am not at all like that with my DD2, we get on great, and I think she's an awesome parent!

ChickenBananas · 14/04/2025 22:54

AmusedGoose · 14/04/2025 22:44

Hopefully you will be a better mum to your adult children. I suspect your mum can't relate to you and finds it very hard work to be with you too. See each other in small doses in future. You clearly neither respect or like her. Shame she wasted her life being your mum as you are ridiculous and acting like a petulant teen instead of a grown woman who can appreciatethe wisdom of experience. I don't understand some modern parenting methods either such as obsession with contact naps and find it very difficult to have a conversation with DIL who equally disagrees with some 90s parenting. Hard to talk about the weather for 4 days. Are you horrible about older work colleagues too?

Projecting much?

canthavethatonethen · 14/04/2025 22:56

I see the OP's mum (or someone very like her) has arrived on the thread.

That old saying needs repeating, I think. Houseguests are like fish. After three days they start to stink.

Horses7 · 14/04/2025 22:57

It’s worth having your Mum over if it means eating Colin. Btw I prefer my half of Colin to be the the quarter of face end and the quarter of his bum end - his middle is nowhere near as good. Ps We have one for every birthday/event and have got our Easter one already.

Original poster

whyeyeeyeeyeeye · 14/04/2025 23:01

AmusedGoose · 14/04/2025 22:44

Hopefully you will be a better mum to your adult children. I suspect your mum can't relate to you and finds it very hard work to be with you too. See each other in small doses in future. You clearly neither respect or like her. Shame she wasted her life being your mum as you are ridiculous and acting like a petulant teen instead of a grown woman who can appreciatethe wisdom of experience. I don't understand some modern parenting methods either such as obsession with contact naps and find it very difficult to have a conversation with DIL who equally disagrees with some 90s parenting. Hard to talk about the weather for 4 days. Are you horrible about older work colleagues too?

Oh wow. I certainly don’t hate or disrespect her. I would say I’m at a heightened emotional state after a long time spent with DM. I definitely don’t think all 70 year olds are the same either. Are you ok?

OP posts:

RareGoalsVerge · 14/04/2025 23:06

4 days is too long. Restrict future visits to maximum of 2 nights, so you get one clear day without travel. That's enough.

My sister fortunately has a lot more guts than me and firmly says to our mum "when I want unsolicited advice I will ask for it" so frequently that the message got through eventually.

TheStigarette · 14/04/2025 23:06

I would never attempt four days. My dc are wonderful apparently. It's just me who is the disappointment.

Seemingly my wonderfully behaved dc have nothing to do with me. They're just like my sister 😂

CherryBlossomPie · 14/04/2025 23:12

The mistake you made was 4 days.

I've got this down to an art form. 3 days is the maximum before cracks become fissures.

Although I've messed up and booked 4 days in the May Bank Holiday 😂

Poonu · 14/04/2025 23:14

Not just your mum mate - but what can you do?
Typical response on Mumsnet would be go NC lol

CookieCrumbles23 · 14/04/2025 23:31

Recently, I was brushing my girls hair (detangling spray, detangling brush, holding the hair in a ponytail so it didn’t yank her scalp). Anyway, I caught a bit of hair, my daughter made a face and said ‘ouch mummy’, I said ‘sorry darling’ and that was that. My Mum looked at my like I had just ripped half my daughters hair out. I later had to remind my Mum that when she brushed my hair as a child, she’d yank a brush through it, and then smack me round the head with said brush if I dare express my pain.

I think this highlights two things 1) No matter how much I’ve tried to do better for my kids, my Mum will always think she did it better 2) My daughter would not have survived my childhood!