Should we give 17 year old an allowance

[Cctviswatchingme001]

So DD will be 17 next month. We have never given pocket money on a regular basis. We paid if the kids did chores in the house but it wasn't ever regular payment same with the chores unfortunately which I take blame for.

DD has tried and has not been able to secure a part time job. She has her last year of school starting in September and I would prefer she studied. DH feels the same. DD has started to help my sister at a market on Saturday mornings but the money isn't guaranteed, it's basically based on what they sell and is weather permitting.

DD is a good kid, doesn't drink, smoke, vape. She plays sport and goes to the gym. She's happy to stay in on the weekend while some of her classmates go out drinking. Obviously she has her moments with acting like a spoiled toddler but generally no issues.

Unfortunately DD is quite materialistic. She likes clothes, jewellery, perfume etc. She's the oldest and her siblings so far are not interested in these things. So she had a tantrum this morning saying she wanted a new phone for her birthday. DH told her absolutely not, she will get 100 in a card same as her siblings. DD feels hard done by because Aunts and Uncles don't give presents anymore (whole other story). She cried and screamed, I was appalled at her behaviour and DH who is very patient was disgusted by her greed. We pay her gym, phone, sports club every month. She was meant to get driving lessons for her birthday but has now said she wants a phone instead. We were happy to pay for driving lessons as its a life skill but the phone is just for her pleasure.

Please advise how to deal with this and be gentle with me. We have no real family support and can't ask anyone in real life. My upbringing was quite chaotic and abusive so I've probably overcompensated with my own children.

Obviously it depends on what you can afford (the gym plus phone costs more than I'd expect) but it's definitely a good idea to start an allowance so your Dd can get used to budgeting. I'd give her enough so she can buy her own toiletries etc, the odd birthday present for a friend, clothes for herself.

My Dd also tried and failed to get a Saturday job, they are not easy to come by plus she was doing a lot of voluntary work as it was needed for her uni application.

I would give her an allowance, but tie it chores - it’s not being paid for specific chores, it’s just pulling her weight as part of the family but part of what she gets as an adolescent still dependant on her parents is an allowance. If you can’t really afford it, then support her in a continuing search for a job (which is a good thing to have anyway).

With kindness you do sound rather judgemental about her fondness for jewellery and want for a new phone. There’s nothing wrong with these things intrinsically, and especially for teens things like phones are important. You can be clear there is a limited budget and you are going to prioritise things like driving lessons, without being negative about her interests.

Tantrums should be ignored, and if persistent then you remove privileges.

i think you should give her an allowance. She needs some independence and agency and it must be mortifying for her when she is out with others that they have some control over their finances and she does not.

Obviously it depends on your finances, but we give the same amount pocket money for age. So 14 year old gets £14 a week. At first when we started giving pocket money about 5 or so years ago he would go mad and waste it on things. But now he has a very well-developed sense of budgeting and saving for things he considers worth it. In the roblox years he carefully researched the best way to spend money on robux for example and discovered it was more cost efficient to buy gift cards than robux directly. He worked that out himself and has carried on with that approach now- he is not longer 'wasting' it on things like that but when he wants to buy something he researches it carefully and shops around for deals. It's a very important part of growing up.

Thing is too- if you give her the money you then can't just disapprove of what she spends it on. Some of it will seem a colossal waste to you, but she has to go through that as well. It's her discretionary spending and she should get to decide what she spends it on.

17 year olds don't need pocket money, they need to get a job.

Yeah this is what I do for my 17 year old, except it’s 25 per week.

On top of that I pay for his hair (bleached) once per term, his phone contract and the occasional uber on my account. He can earn extra: he gets £7.50 per hour for tutoring his younger sibling, gardening jobs and £15 for babysitting if DH and I have a night out. He can earn extra£60-100 extra each month this way.

If he wants pricey things like trainers, phone accessories etc then that’s for Xmas or birthday.

Surely birthday presents are meant to be about bringing pleasure rather than life skills? f you’re prepared to pay for driving lessons then I think it’s unreasonable to not let her have something that she really wants instead, ie a phone, that would cost the same amount. My dad used to be like this, and was happy to spend a fortune on presents for me - but only if they were things that he approved of, and what I really wanted was ignored.

At 17 then I definitely think your daughter should be given an allowance. I would never have dreamt of linking an allowance to doing household chores for my daughter or paying her for doing things when she was still at school.

My 17yo gets an allowance of £250/month which I know is on the high side. Pretty standard among her friends. She buys everything out of that. It's good for them to have some control over their money.

However I think the allowance question is secondary to what you've said about your daughter's behaviour. Screaming and having tantrums is really not normal at 17.

I think you should give her an allowance and also pay for gym and sports club, as these will be good for her health, physical and mental, in the coming year. Also if she's busy at gym, sports club, she not going to be mooching around shops. If you don't pay she could drop them.

I think you should pay for a basic phone package too - this is pretty much essential.

The allowance can be for non-essentials, socialising, buying presents for friends, make up, lunches at college if she doesn't bring one from home etc. Amount is what you can afford, but maybe £75 a month?

Alllowance can be linked to chores - make her responsible for something specific, my DS does the garden for example, with reminders!

I didn't get an allowance when I was a teen, it was awful having to ask for money to eg go to the cinema, I think if you can afford it you should give it to her. You need to give your other daughters allowances too, say £10 a week to start?

I think I’d do something like £120/£150 per month which includes her phone and gym. This may encourage her to look for a cheaper phone contract or gym.

DD always got pocket money without linked to chores. She started getting an allowance after Christmas, she is 17 and in Y13 to prepare for uni.

She has to pay:
food at school/when out
all clothing unless it's school related
make up
books
haircut
anything else she likes to spend money on

We pay for school trips, hobbies (Explorer and amateuer drama club) and her phone.

She doesn't work for a variety of reasons. Driving lessons are budget for

I didn’t offer driving lessons as a birthday present, they were mandatory for my DD as you rightly point out they are a life skill depending where you live. Obviously you’re probably not helping her by giving her options to decline them and ask for something of the same value. I think a decent smart phone is pretty normal and you can get refurbished phones for cheaper,

I was going to say to give her a small allowance to help her out and learn to budget etc but then saw this.

Why won't she help out more? If you've already said you would give her more id she helped our more, then she has already has a means to earning more money!

A friend of ours has a child, who's parents didn't want them to work during GCSE'S or A-Levels. Their thinking was their child needed to concentrate on studying and exams. The child is one of the older ones (born October), so could have started a weekend job, earlier than most after turning 16. Child left 6th Form in June 2024, at 18, turned 19 in October 2024. Failed A-Levels as the grades weren't good enough. Child is still looking for work. As the child never had a weekend job, they are now finding it incredibly hard to find work. They could have had 3 years work experience under their belt, if they'd started working at 16. As it stands the child has no work experience, and no one will give them a chance. Honestly, your daughter needs to find a regular part-time job at weekends - it will give her a better chance of finding employment later, and it's something to put on a university application. How hard has she tried?? Your daughter has zero idea of the value of money, and because she's never had regular pocket money, she's not learnt to budget. Personally, I wouldn't be giving her an allowance, I'd be focusing on her earning her own money and helping her find a part-time job. An allowance should be a last resort in my mind. Her outburst regarding a new phone is pretty awful considering her age. Driving lessons are far more important, than a new phone. I'd be sticking to those and telling her that a new phone is something she can save up for - it might give her some motivation to actually find a job! If you give her everything on a plate, there's no incentive for her to do anything! Is she expecting not to work part-time if she goes to university?? Will she be expecting you to fund her entire existence at university??

I agreee. FWIW my best friend during my school years also never had a job as her parents wanted her to focus on studies. Well, she got a degree but then when was in the workplace she did not actually know HOW to work. She quit on her first day in her first graduate job because they asked her to make a cup of tea. She said she was not there for that and quit. We are now both 52 and still in touch and the only job she has held down for longer than the probationary period in a job her uncle gave her in his jewellery shop. If it were not for the fact she was an only child and inherited from two sets of GPs she would be absolutely stuffed.

My older DS is 14 and has autism and adhd and learning difficulties. We have just sorted out a weekly volunteering job for him as a 'soft landing' (as it is via his former TA who has now set up a a weekly toddler dance class outfit), with the view he applies to McDonalds as soon as he can. He is always going to need support and input, but the volunteer work is particularly disability friendly as his TA knows him well so we can sort of usher him into a role with care and attention.

This is what we started as (£25 a week). Then after a while I thought, well the majority of things you pay/budget for in life are monthly, so I'd like to transition him so he gets used to that.

The £110 a month seems a bit of an odd amount but I did £25 x 52 = £1300, and £1300/12 = £108.33 (then rounded up because eugghhhh 😂).

@Sassybooklover It's easy to post that she needs to find a part time job, but it's not always possible. The OP has acknowledged that her daughter has been trying incredibly hard to find a job. Unfortunately, in the area they live, restrictions on businesses make it tough for people under 18 to find part time work.

I feel really quite sorry for her. You mentioned she’s in every weekend whilst her friends are out, is she really happy with this, or does she not go out because she has no access to her own money? She sounds like a good kid, who has tried really hard to find a job, she’s not lazy, getting up early to do car boots.

Mine are 13 & 15 and get a small allowance of £50 a month. This is for their personal spends, sweets on the way home from school, DD buys stuff off Vinted, DS buys PlayStation stuff, if they want to go for a burger with friends they pay for it.

We still buy their clothes, pay for phones and their (numerous!) sports clubs/kit/competition fees. She really does need access to some money of her own.

I think you should be giving her an allowance to let her buy some nice things / go out with friends and be paying for everything else including driving lessons if you can.

I ad an monthly allowance from the age of 11- this how I learnt to budget my dinner money, bus fare and later on my phone.

Agree you should support her to get a proper part time job instead of car boot slave labour

Eh? You’re already giving her allowance if you’re funding phone, gym etc. No wonder she hasn’t found a job and doesn’t help out with chores regularly.

We were similar but I started an allowance in year 10. She only gets £20 a month but I cover phone, hair cuts, driving lessons (she’s now 17 so that’s £60-£80 a week depending on length of lesson) and car insurance. She does have a job too. She saves half and spends half.

She has tried extremely hard to get a job. She wants a job. If she got one great but its not possible. I don't want to add on extra pressure for her last year of school. She's incredibly bright and will go to college. Obviously some posters haven't read the full thread. She will volunteer at the local summer camp this year as she has for the last three years. Once she finishes school and turns 18 I'm sure she will find it easier to fet a job. She gets up at 5 30am on a Saturday to do the car boot so she wants to earn money.

Myself and DH have agreed to give her an allowance of €180 per month. She needs to pay her phone and gym from this, €53 euro and the rest is hers. She also gets €20 per week from her Grandmother. We will pay for her sports and all school things.

This is what I do and will continue until she leaves uni, my DD has no wish to work yet though 😔 if she did I would give her more.

She won't appreciate the value of money if she doesn't get any. I also think you should consider an allowance for all of the children, not just DD17, to avoid this issue going forward. It doesn't have to be a lot - you just need to agree what it will cover - and what needs to be done in return. My son is 14, he gets £40 p.m. In return he keeps his room clean, does the washing up at weekends and two evenings per week and does his job which is basically goes to school and does his homework. It doesn't have to be a long onerous list. Knowing how much he will get each month means that he can budget and save.