Should we give 17 year old an allowance

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So DD will be 17 next month. We have never given pocket money on a regular basis. We paid if the kids did chores in the house but it wasn't ever regular payment same with the chores unfortunately which I take blame for.

DD has tried and has not been able to secure a part time job. She has her last year of school starting in September and I would prefer she studied. DH feels the same. DD has started to help my sister at a market on Saturday mornings but the money isn't guaranteed, it's basically based on what they sell and is weather permitting.

DD is a good kid, doesn't drink, smoke, vape. She plays sport and goes to the gym. She's happy to stay in on the weekend while some of her classmates go out drinking. Obviously she has her moments with acting like a spoiled toddler but generally no issues.

Unfortunately DD is quite materialistic. She likes clothes, jewellery, perfume etc. She's the oldest and her siblings so far are not interested in these things. So she had a tantrum this morning saying she wanted a new phone for her birthday. DH told her absolutely not, she will get 100 in a card same as her siblings. DD feels hard done by because Aunts and Uncles don't give presents anymore (whole other story). She cried and screamed, I was appalled at her behaviour and DH who is very patient was disgusted by her greed. We pay her gym, phone, sports club every month. She was meant to get driving lessons for her birthday but has now said she wants a phone instead. We were happy to pay for driving lessons as its a life skill but the phone is just for her pleasure.

Please advise how to deal with this and be gentle with me. We have no real family support and can't ask anyone in real life. My upbringing was quite chaotic and abusive so I've probably overcompensated with my own children.

Yes you should give her an allowance and I don't think it should be linked to work around the house.

Should we continue to pay for gym and phone or add this in as part of her allowance. Gym and phone is €55 per month. We will pay for her sports club.

I’ve been giving my children an allowance since they were 11. They can spend/save as they choose as it is their money. One child blows it all regularly, the other is a saver. How do they go out with friend and buy themselves things and learn to manage money if they don’t get given regular money?

I’d encourage the part time job

My now adult kids always got pocket money/ allowance. They did not have jobs because they spent most of their free time studying. With their school work and extra studying they were already putting in more hours than my husband and I. They were not spoilt. They have grown up to be lovely adults. They went to good Unis and have good jobs. We also paid for phones and driving lessons. A birthday present doesn’t have to be something you need. I remember as a child I used to have to have school bags and other things I needed as presents.
It is different if you are struggling money wise but how about a bit of love.

My 17 year has a seasonal job so when he isn’t working we give him money, usually it’s when he is going out or needs something. When he was younger he’d get a small amount of pocket money, but if he was going to the cinema with friends etc he’d get extra for that and food. We also pay for his phone data, travel.

She has tried for months to get a part time job but has had no luck. She has dropped cvs onto at least 50 stores, has asked in our local pubs, has applied for 40 jobs online in the last 3 weeks alone and nothing so it's not like she hasn't tried. Everywhere wants you to be 18 or over, even our corner shops won't employ anybody under 21 because they sell alcohol, cigarettesa and the lottery.

I don’t think you should give her an allowance. If she wants makeup, clothes etc then she needs to either work part time or save up birthday and Christmas money. Or a bit of money here and there when she wants to go out. Continue to pay for her phone and sports clubs. She doesn’t need to start learning to drive yet so I think you should just get her the phone.

My dc are a bit younger, but I'm trying to get them used to the idea of saving and budgeting before they really need to.

I transfer them both £20 a week to a Natwest account, and my dm sends £30 a month. The idea at the moment is to save the majority but if they want to spend some they can transfer to a Starling account for spends.

At 13 and 11 they're obviously not paying for much themselves yet, and I hope that they'll have nice amounts saved by the time they're 18, but I am starting to talk about wants v needs and the value of money so they understand

The point of an allowance is that it allows them to learn not be materialistic and impulsive while young.

you give them an allowance. They spend it on crap and when it’s gone it’s gone. Then they work out what they actually value more and stop spending it on crap.

in most kids this process takes a few years and you give them an allowance early teens so by the time they are late teens they are less materialistic and have worked out that if they want expensive stuff they need to save for it,

your child has no way of saving. She’s not yet learnt that if you waste money on crap you can’t get the expensive things you want because her only way of getting things s by persuading you.

you haven’t taught her the value of hard work you’ve taught her to manipulate her parents to get what she wants.

give her an allowance. Then whenever she wants something you say “that’s what your allowance is for”

Gosh. My DD17 wouldn’t have coped without an allowance from about 14.

We give her £100 a month plus pay for her mobile and driving lessons (currently £1k and counting 😢) plus every day clothes, hair etc.

She is a social butterfly and loves clothes so got herself a temp PT job last summer which carried on as she is a good worker - that paid around £350 a month. She’s just started a new PT which will pay around £900/1000 a month so we’ll be stopping the cash allowance as she doesn’t need it, and she’ll be contributing half of the cost of her car insurance when she passes, which will be around £100 a month each.

I’m also making her give me £250 a month to save for her - otherwise she’ll just spend the lot.

She’s got 3 separate festivals booked so she really did need to earn more as I wasn’t subbing them - though I did pay for one set of tickets 🙈

£70 per week. 17 year old. I pay for her phone, clothes & driving lessons. She also has a Saturday job.

The money I give her is for going out with her friends - restaurants, cinema, days out etc.

I know she's very fortunate & I appreciate everyone has different circumstances.

But every teenager needs some sort of pocket money/allowance.

The world is not the same as 30 years ago. When I was 16 I walked into Tesco and they gave me 6 hours every Saturday. They struggled to get weekend workers to man the checkouts and so relied on students. Now there are almost no checkouts and Saturday and Sundays are regular days so they just schedule the full time staff. Insurance is now harder for under 18s so companies don’t want to employ them. Both me and my sibling has Saturday jobs in 6th form but I’ve said my children don’t have to as almost impossible to get anything and they have extra curriculars now on weekend that I didn’t have. It is a shame but I say their allowance is dependant on them working hard at school.

Has she definitely tried hard to get a job? Mine worked through 6th form just one shift a week term time, then more in holidays. If not working now, I would definitely make it clear she needs to work following her exams next June, to save up to fund her next steps. No funding summer trips out and about.

You're already paying a lot of stuff for her. I would turn this into a monthly allowance including a bit extra, move the direct debit to her account, let her get on with it.

She can get a new phone with Voxi for a low amount each month.

Chores IMO shouldn't be paid, they're part of sharing a house with others and important to learnt they're not optional. In exchange for the above I'd make clear she must take her turn cooking meals, loading dishwasher etc. and she must keep her living areas clean and tidy. I only pay for one off jobs that I might get someone in for if one of us didn't do it.

She has tried extremely hard to get a job. I've access to her online jobs forum and I can see all the jobs she's applied for. Out of 40 applications recently only three replied with a generic email to say her application had been rejected. The other 37 didn't even view her application. Same with handing her cvs in. They take them but then say go online. She wants a job but they are not as easy to get as people think. I worked from 14 in our local shop but those days are long gone now.

Are you in a town? McDonald's do zero hour contracts. Pays well.

B & M?

I pay for - phone contract, music streaming (family account), sports club, bus pass (covers whole city) plus the house is stocked with food and basic toiletries

Allowance has to cover clothing and any luxuries or going out with friends. I also educate on (and encourage) saving and investing.

I always gave mine an allowance from that age but chores had to be done at home in return.

My 3 also all managed to get summer jobs in Burger King/MacDonalds/Next respectively in recent years. That didn't interfere with studying obviously.

An allowance is good training in budgeting and realising that money doesn't grow on trees but everyone is obviously different, I could afford to give my daughter £70 a week but that will never happen . A little sacrifice, having to save up for things and work for them is invaluable. It gives them a sense of pride, independence, confidence and a solid work ethic.

I'm not sure I agree that the phone is purely for pleasure. Could you cope without yours?
My daughter is getting a new one from me for her birthday. She's had the last one for 6 years and looked after it with great care. I haven't looked at the prices but I am willing to bet that £100 would buy the square root of FA.

My personal feeling is you’ve done her a disservice by not addressing this years ago. We got pocket money in primary school. I wanted to buy books. So by the age of 8 I understood that by not blowing it on sweets every week, I could buy a book a month. The basics of budgeting and saving. Which is much easier to learn when you’re not a teenager.

Yes I think you should continue paying if you can afford it. My ex and I have just finished paying for driving lessons for DD (she had her test on monday with a pass), she has a loan horse for £150 a month which we cover and her phone. I don't think this excessive, exercise is important to mental health and so many kids drop out of it, a phone is pretty normal and we always knew would help with driving lessons. She gets a very small allowance off of me or help from us both to when she needs it, and she has a part time job.
Reading that back I can see that that maybe shocking to half of mumsnets but I honestly don't think there is a magic age where we stop supporting children these days. Life is so expensive and this pretty much falls inline with the help her peers are getting around here.

I would definitely give her an allowance
Our DC did not work while still at school as we wanted them to concentrate on exams /sport
We gave them all an allowance

“DH who is very patient was disgusted by her greed.”

Honestly… of course she is frustrated. She doesn’t have access to any money. I think you are being wildly unfair to call her materialistic. She is almost 17, she is going to want to start to buy things and develop her identity. By your own admission she has tried exceptionally hard to get a PT job and is likely still trying.
£100 in a card every birthday just isn’t going to cut it I’m afraid. If you don’t want her to have a a PT job you are going to have to start treating her like a 17 year and supporting a more expensive lifestyle than your younger children currently have. Anyone who thinks £100 for a 17 year old once a year is enough isn’t living in the real world.

Most 6th formers have jobs rather than parents who pay out for everything.

My niece is in 6th form, her and all her mates have jobs.

Your language is quite negative - materialistic and greedy when this is fairly normal teenage behavior. Most kids want phones and clothes. They can’t always get what they want - but it’s not greedy to want things.

i remember throwing a spectacular temper tantrum over Levi’s when I was a teen😂

do you not give any of your children any pocket money? That seems unusual.

does she have a bank account? How will she learn to budget and manage money. Will she be going to university? How will she manage the transition?