Do you think your parents feel/felt the same way about you as you do about your children?

[Mirrormirror3]

I just had this moment of realisation recently that my parents feel the same about me as I do about my children. We maybe should it differently but it’s there.

I think that’s a lovely thing to realise. Unfortunately, my realisation when I had children was more along the lines of, ‘oh, this is how it’s meant to be/feel…’

I had a wonderful childhood and now against the backdrop of being a mother myself I have a new found admiration and love for my own parents. To finally understand (a bit more) about what it must have felt like to parent me and watch the various car crash moments of my early adulthood. I am trying to make it up to them on a daily basis!!

I frequently tell my kids they can’t love me as much as I love them because even though I love Grandma deeply, it’s not the same as my love for them.

Yes, they adored me. My mum died when I was 11, so I’ve spent most of my life without her. But I had my dad for 44 years and he worshiped the ground I walked on. He would have done anything for me (and did).

Now my son is a young adult, I appreciate all the worry my dad felt as I grew.

Tbh, in any given situation I tend to think, 'what would my parents have done'... and then do the opposite.
It makes me happy that people have the experience of passing on the love that they felt as children, to their children.

No. They were forced together and miserable for a very very long time until they finally divorced.

Their children were an unwanted byproduct of this and were made to feel it.

My children were waited for, planned for, wanted and loved.

I'm not sure I can imagine my mum feeling the same way

It's hard to

Why would you tell them this? That struck me as a bit cruel. Just let your kids love you and you them. Its not a competition who loves who the most.

No, having children made me realise that they must have felt very different to the way I feel about my children. Otherwise they couldn't have behaved as they did.

Sadly no. I am one of the younger ones in a huge family, when I was born I was just another mouth to feed on a very low income. They did their best with what they had though, who could ask for more?

If they did when we were children they hid it very well. Not once did they say they loved us or were proud of us, which I say to DD a lot.

My relationship with my mum improved hugely over time but my dad’s never really moved on much.

I’d kill for my children. My parents failed to protect me throughout my teen years, so nope, they don’t feel the same about me as I do about my kids

My mum had a tough life and wasn't always very 'present', but I knew she loved us - it was just that I wasn't the daughter she'd expected to have (ADHD, undiagnosed until I was 60) so she found me hard to love. My dad adored me; he loved all children. Now my children are adults I sometimes wonder if they missed me when I moved so far away. I have a DD who lives in Australia, and sometimes missing her is like a physical pain and I wonder whether they ever felt that way about me.

They were busy looking after my brother's children while DB and SIL worked though, so I don't think they really had time or space to feel my absence. They filled it with the GC.

Please don’t say that to your kids. It seems cruel to me.

I think my mum loves my children more than she loved and loves me. She has a beautiful relationship with my kids which is great, but it still hurts. This is not a difference between the carefree love of a grandparent vs parenting your own children. It’s something else in my case

Not at all, I adored my mum but she died years ago, I was a permanent disappointment to my DF and boy did he let me know it. My own DC, I tell them constantly how much I love them and how proud I am of them. It's very damaging to go through life thinking you're rubbish by the people who are supposed to adore you.

I would be ashamed if I felt the same way about my children as my parents did about me and my siblings OP.

I m assuming you were a loved and wanted child but there are countless people who were not. But whose own children mean the world to them.

I adore my children. My parents are/were (DF is dead) incapable of loving me and my siblings). For years I thought that there was something wrong with me, but feeling that immense rush of love when I had my first born made me realise that it was them who were deficient, not me.

This is a very cruel thing to say to your own children. They will feel that their love isn't enough.

I identify with this.
My own parents thought the world of their grandchildren. And made no secret of the fact they were more important to them than their children.
It's hurtful and very damaging.

Oh indeed. My dad always used to say to me and my sister “mind that road” and we used to reply “what road?” with irritation. Now I never stop telling my sons to “be careful”. I finally got it

No I think I have all the family feelings and no one else has any. My child being born when I was a teen meant I finally had someone to build a lovely relationship with and show them I love them and they are the most important person in my life. So I did the opposite of my parents.

I never had any of that, now at 50 I’m LC with my parents.

Mine too.

I know the feeling.

Glad it's not just me thinking that.

I had this ‘dawning moment’ when my own child moved away with her children (my grandchildren), which makes it difficult for us to see each other. She was so excited about it..and should have been, it was a fantastic opportunity for her! Inside, my heart was breaking into a thousand pieces as I’d miss them all so much! Externally of course I was a supporting mum/grandma and told her how proud I was etc.

The realisation was because I had done THE EXACT SAME THING to my parents when I was a similar age to my daughter. I moved overseas, taking my children, and didn’t realise what a massive, heartbreaking wrench this was to them. They had been so supportive to us and were a huge part of my children’s lives, as we lived just round the corner. I honestly couldn’t have done without them. And then I left! They were, as usual, utterly amazing and said all the right things…supportive, loving, encouraging. I was so caught up in my own excitement I failed to see through their mask, that they were also devastated.

It hit me like a tonne of bricks when I realised, ‘This is what mum and dad must have felt like!’ But also, thank god for them, because their strength and unwavering love was what gave me the strength to let go when I needed to.