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Original poster

Do you think your parents feel/felt the same way about you as you do about your children?

61 replies

Mirrormirror3 · 08/04/2025 08:28

I just had this moment of realisation recently that my parents feel the same about me as I do about my children. We maybe should it differently but it’s there.

OP posts:
Abenny · 08/04/2025 09:34

Yes. It's a good lesson in a) forgiving your parents for the things they didn't get quite right IYO, and b) realising that you may also not be getting things exactly right from your children's POV. (This is all assuming non-abusive relationships.) I'm quite often struck on here by the number of people who cut their parents no slack but seem to assume they'll be given infinite slack themselves or else won't need any because they'll never put a foot wrong.

hinterkitten · 08/04/2025 09:34

Yes definitely- it’s lovely! I remember my parents getting emotional when playing with DD when she was about 9 months old because she looked so much like me at that age and they said it brought them back to being parents. They are also amazing grandparents and I can see how much they are like my grandparents (my mom’s parents who were loving parents with her and as grandparents to me and my brother). Although my DD never met her great-grandparents there’s a beautiful intergenerational pattern of love being passed through the family.

Bradley28 · 08/04/2025 09:35

When I first had my daughter, my mum asked me why I was kissing her. So for me, I’m not sure if my parents felt the same.

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Lookingforwardto2025 · 08/04/2025 09:37

Like some PPs it was having my DS that made me realise how little my parents loved me. I realised that I could never do or say the things that they had done and said to me to DS.

pinkingshears · 08/04/2025 09:41

I htink the replies will divide neatly between those who NOW realise how their parents felt about them (via having their own much loved children) to those who realise that their parents were too damaged t/ absent / cruel themselves to offer any love at all.

Allthebrightplaces · 08/04/2025 09:43

Not where my mother is concerned. She was definitely my first bully, destroyed my self esteem, made me feel like an inconvenience and not good enough. My middle brother and I both have a strained relationship with her.
I have two rounds of counselling but I don't think I'll ever fully heal that wound. She was emotionally neglectful, called me names, never told me she loved me (or even showed it). I could go on all day.

My dad was great but worked a lot to fund her shopping habits (very snobby and keeping up appearances) and enabled her to some extent.

My eldest brother was definitely my mother's favourite.

I have two children and bloody adore them. I love them with every bone in my body and I also actually LIKE them as well as love them. I love their characters and personalities. If course I get frustrated at times and they can be hard work, but I love spending time with them, watching them grow and develop, support their interests and opinions. They actually get fed up of me telling them I love them 🤣 but I'd rather they hear it endlessly and never doubt what they mean to.me.

Serriadh · 08/04/2025 10:07

I think they probably did... up to a point. I suspect DS is now reaching the age (thinking for himself, having ideas, "answering back") where my mum and I started to stop being so close.

I am trying very hard not to repeat the pattern and also make sure my son isn't left guessing how I feel about him! I never knew what my parents felt about anything because talking about feelings isn't something they do.

TaggieO · 08/04/2025 10:11

No. I don’t think my mum did love me the same way I love my DS. I think she loved me the best way she could, but she came from a messed up home life and I don’t think she really knew how.

I tell my DS I love him about 50 times a day. There is no such thing as too many hugs. We celebrate all milestones and achievements.

What has been a revelation is seeing her learn from the way I love my son, and begin to shower him with the affection and praise she wasn’t able to give us as children.

BitOutOfPractice · 08/04/2025 10:11

I’m 57 now and so when I was growing up, people weren’t so vocal about love and feelings and stuff Like that. I never ever doubted for a second that I was truly loved. It’s made me teary just writing that.

When I had my own kids it made me love my mom and dad even more. Having the love I had as a kid made parenting my own much easier.

My dad has been gone for years but my mom continues to love me fiercely. She genuinely thinks my sister and I (and her 4 granddaughters) are the most fabulous creatures that ever walked the earth.

Supersimkin7 · 08/04/2025 10:20

It’s very healing redoing the relationship properly with a new generation.

TokyoKyoto · 08/04/2025 11:12

As a young child: yes. I was pretty well parented. I can remember them being very loving, and I get it.
As a teenager, my dad was awful. Miserable, carping, unloving. Mum was over-the-top gushing. I think I've been a much more reasonable and genuinely loving parent.
When I became an adult and then a parent, they were fine while the kids were little but have almost no interest now. It's so sad.
Now I feel like I don't have any parents, just these two people who aren't particularly interested in me or my life. The kids effectively don't have any grandparents, in a meaningful sense.
If there is any drama, they like to respond to that. Who I actually am and what I actually like has long passed them by. My dad's quite unpleasant, I don't like him. Actually I don't like my mother either, she can be very nasty about people. But you know if you've grown up with a terrible parent how low the bar can be. I'd probably bite their hands off if they showed me any attention.
So to answer the question, no I don't understand how they feel about their children - they gave up on us, really.

dairydebris · 08/04/2025 11:19

This thread makes me feel a bit tearful and completely unable to understand how my mother can treat me the way she does. Hugging my daughter is healing 🥰

User46576 · 08/04/2025 11:20

Sadly my parents were abusive and neglectful so definitely not

Sulu17 · 08/04/2025 11:21

Another here to say that no, my parents did not feel about me , the way I feel about my children. Their loss.

BlondiePortz · 08/04/2025 11:21

I think they do, if feel i parent like them also, just an observation

They are not perfect, i don't try to be but we just get on with it I guess

G5000 · 08/04/2025 11:42

No, I don't think so. Not abusive or anything but I didn't feel loved. My children do.

NotMeekNotObedient · 08/04/2025 12:22

I had a lovely childhood and I think my DF absolutely loves my DD, but probably not quite as much as me. He's a great grandad but just not quite got the same energy levels and tolerance for a toddler. If my DM was still around I feel like she would have loved DD the same as she loves me.

DH on the other hand has had a really hard time seeing his DF showing a lot more love and affection for his grandchild then he ever did to DH. He's angry at his Dad for not showing up for him then or now. For context his dad sees our DD about 10 days a year max and that's more effort. DH has never had a decent father figure in his life despite his parents still being together and it's definitely skewed his view of what is normal.

TeeBee · 08/04/2025 12:24

Ha! They absolutely do not feel the same way as I do about my children. Their behaviour towards me would have been vastly different if they did.

Comedycook · 08/04/2025 12:26

My childhood was difficult in many ways but I never doubted that I was loved unconditionally.

Radiantblur · 08/04/2025 12:34

My childhood was absolutely fine. It was safe and comfortable but I never felt loved by my parents anywhere near as much as I love my DS, not even close.

My DF died before my DS was born and my DM doesn’t really see my DS that much considering she lives local. We were older parents and her view is that we should be self sufficient so that’s what happens.

springbringshope · 08/04/2025 12:35

FusionChefGeoff · 08/04/2025 08:41

I had a wonderful childhood and now against the backdrop of being a mother myself I have a new found admiration and love for my own parents. To finally understand (a bit more) about what it must have felt like to parent me and watch the various car crash moments of my early adulthood. I am trying to make it up to them on a daily basis!!

I frequently tell my kids they can’t love me as much as I love them because even though I love Grandma deeply, it’s not the same as my love for them.

Are you me? 😂

breakfastdinnerandtea · 08/04/2025 12:36

I lost my DF young but I’d like to think my mum loves me as much as I love my kids (probably more now than when I was younger), but I know she absolutely adores my children. I love that. My kids have a mum, stepdad, and grandparents who love the bones of them, who think of them of the best thing since sliced bread, and sing their praises to anyone who will listen.

Diydanny · 08/04/2025 13:13

BumbleBeegu · 08/04/2025 09:31

I had this ‘dawning moment’ when my own child moved away with her children (my grandchildren), which makes it difficult for us to see each other. She was so excited about it..and should have been, it was a fantastic opportunity for her! Inside, my heart was breaking into a thousand pieces as I’d miss them all so much! Externally of course I was a supporting mum/grandma and told her how proud I was etc.

The realisation was because I had done THE EXACT SAME THING to my parents when I was a similar age to my daughter. I moved overseas, taking my children, and didn’t realise what a massive, heartbreaking wrench this was to them. They had been so supportive to us and were a huge part of my children’s lives, as we lived just round the corner. I honestly couldn’t have done without them. And then I left! They were, as usual, utterly amazing and said all the right things…supportive, loving, encouraging. I was so caught up in my own excitement I failed to see through their mask, that they were also devastated.

It hit me like a tonne of bricks when I realised, ‘This is what mum and dad must have felt like!’ But also, thank god for them, because their strength and unwavering love was what gave me the strength to let go when I needed to.

I hope that we have been/are the parents you had to our adult children

Diydanny · 08/04/2025 13:27

I am absolutely positive I love my two children far more than my parents loved me. I was one of 6 and there wasn’t much affection or attention to go around. We were never a priority, coming second to their separate social lives. Pride was never expressed even though there was plenty to be proud of. Never a hug or being told we were loved. However it was a good lesson in how to be with my own children when they came along. They are in their 40’s now but still I would walk over hot coals to save them an iota of hurt.

hoodiemassive · 08/04/2025 13:52

No. I think my Dad may have loved me but he was an alcoholic so it was difficult to know for sure.

My Mother didn't love me, although she did a great job of pretending too.

My kids know I and dh love them beyond measure. I tell them all the time and they roll their eyes and laugh Grin