Do I send my DC to bed too early?

[Rockmehardplace]

DS is 8. I start bedtime at 8, and he's in bed between 8.20-8.30, asleep for 8.45-9pm. he's hyper till the minute he goes to bed
Talking to friends & other parents, their 8 year olds seem to go to bed a lot later (9.30ish). Am I being mean putting him to bed at 8? He's a ridiculously early riser but always has been. He's autistic & doesn't seem to need a lot of sleep. He doesn't need to go to sleep when I put him up to bed, he can read books, listen to his Toni box or yoto.
I think the reason I feel bad is that I can't wait to get him to bed to get some time to myself, which seems harsh!

That's not what I said.

I don't think it's early. I can't remember though when our kids went down when they were 8 but I'm sure it was about then. They are 15 and 13 now and we aim for them to be in bed by 9:30, asleep by 10pm.

But aren’t they starving if they’re not getting an evening meal until 7.30pm? Mine has lunch at school at around midday? On the nights when she bas an activity (twice a week) she either has tea at home at about 5.30pm, then to the activity or else tea is provided at the activity. Some of her friends go to after school club so have tea there, then go to the activity? So some toast and a yogurt is fine for when they get home afterwards?

On activity nights DH and I eat after she’s in bed, although if I’ll be late back from work he’ll eat with her earlier. The other five nights a week we’ll all eat together at around 6 or 6.15pm.

It’s not my idea of quality family time keeping a tired child up to spend more time with them! I’d rather enjoy time with a well rested child on the other nights a week.

My 8yr old (she’s 9 in Aug) goes up at 8, changed, teeth brush, story, lights out around 8:20. If she’s struggling to sleep she can read.
Friday/Saturday and school holidays she goes up at 8:15. Most of her friends are similar, odd one goes up c9pm but is a nightmare to get up for school.

Oh and Brownie night is a late one, going up to bed at around 8:30, no story though and she does go straight to sleep.

A long wind down sounds like a good idea so if it works for him I wouldn't overthink it. Some people go to bed and are out like a light so it might be too early for them, but giving him some time away from sensory stimuli when he can wind down is probably a good thing. If he's spending more than an hour before going to sleep then you can adjust accordingly - which may or may not happen as he gets older.

If he genuinely gets ill if he goes to bed later than 6.45pm, he should see a doctor and get some blood tests to make sure he's not deficient in anything.

I would want to see the faces on mine if I suggested a 6.45 bedtime.
The very earliest DS2 gets back from their activities is 6.30, DC1 (10) finishes some of theirs at 8.30. And there's no way they would manage with toast and yogurt after a couple of hours of sports.
They go to bed when tired. As long as they can get up on time on their own and don't need to be dragged out of bed, they have had enough sleep.

@RidingMyBike - no. We eat normally between 6-7pm ( have done since he weaned). So eating at 7.15-7.30pm is Barely any different. He gets a snack mid afternoon before he goes to sport

Looking through this most kids sleep 10-11 hrs a night. So it's just a matter of when they go to sleep v wake up.

My question is - what does going upstairs mean? And do kids age 6 or 7 really spend an hour or so playing by themselves? I only have the one and we live in a flat so no upstairs nor does he really play by himself.

Mine likes to read or listen to an audiobook

I found that there was a point - around 6/7 - where he became a bit more like an adult re going to bed, i.e. was less able to just snooze when his head hit the pillow and needed something like reading or listening to wind down for sleep.

Maybe some of it is learned behaviour too in that DH and I both read in bed before sleep as well

My 8 and 10 year old go to bed at 7. They're both autistic and need school routines to stay the same on holidays and weekends. My barely verbal complex 10yr old will sometimes say 'nightie on' any time after 6 and gets quite loud and difficult if I'm late going upstairs with them. Neither of them mind going to bed at this time. They both play around in their rooms, the 10yo has a small trampette up there and I can hear her bouncing or playing with her noisy toddler toys and my 8yo will make paper dragons and blind bags (paper crafts) so she's quieter. It goes quiet from 8 or latest 9 and they get up at 7 on school days and at the moment in the holidays around 8. My eldest who is now at uni and NT went to bed at 7 until she was about 8, then 7.30, and probably 8pm from age 10-11. As a teenager in secondary school she was always in bed by 9 at the latest. It was from 16 she could stay up past 9.

As an aside, I think anyone who needs a parent after 9pm should be in bed! I'm sometimes asleep myself by 10pm.

So, same amount of food, just in a different order. Mine has tea before the activity, then the snack after it, yours are the other way round!

I would spend hours playing by myself at that kind of age, and my dad tells me he would often come to check on me/turn out the lights and find me fast asleep with a book dropped somewhere, lol.

Mine has done this since about 6 or 7. The times have gone a bit later, that’s all. Now, aged 9, she goes upstairs at about 7 (later on activity nights), has a wash, brush teeth and hair, into PJs. She does all that on her own. When she’s ready she’ll call one of us and we read with her - take it in turns, sometimes the adult reads, sometimes the child reads to the adult. That’s about 20 mins, until about 7.40pm. Then we say good night and she has another 20 minutes to read on her own in bed. She turns her light out at about 8pm.

Bedtime it’s more about reading but she’s been quite happy playing on her own in her room in the morning since she was about 4 or 5 - we have a gro clock and she’s allowed to play quietly after a certain time. Same if we’re at home. She’ll play on her own for a couple of hours.

Same here. I've never worried about it too much. Occasionally wish I had a bit more time to myself in the evenings but I think that's more about them not being old enough to entertain themselves than when they go to sleep.

Mine are 9 and 11 and go to bed at 8. The 11 year old will read until she’s tired. The 9 year old is usually pretty tired and goes to sleep straight away.
I can’t see me ever allowing them up later, I go to bed at 10 and I need my time to wind down without their constant mither. I am absolutely done with parenting by around 6pm so those last 2 hours are unbearable

My children were in bed by 6pm last night and they're 7 and 5.

maybe I'm doing ti wrong, but once homework is done, I don't actively parent the kids all evening every evening. Sure we talk or might play some boardgame, but they are happy to also watch or read something or play with each other. So them staying up does not bother me.

We are in the Easter Holidays here. Normally it is only the weekend and if we have no plans that they are in bed for 6.

Ok, what is the difference between going to bed and falling asleep then? Maybe my kid is unusual but he doesn't really do much once he is in bed.

Going to bed means going upstairs, teeth brushed and in pyjamas, ready for bed. I used to read, or colour, or just entertain myself quietly before I went to sleep.

Thank you. As we live in an apartment and most of the toys etc are in the living room, am never quite sure what it means. Plus dc is usually with us when going into bed and we sit and chat while going to sleep.

@DrCoconut its hardwired into them, I think. I have one of each 😩the first two years of DC2 nearly destroyed me!

My 10 year old’s bedtime is 8pm. My 12 year old’s is 8.30pm. Children need far more sleep than adults.