Do I send my DC to bed too early?

[Rockmehardplace]

DS is 8. I start bedtime at 8, and he's in bed between 8.20-8.30, asleep for 8.45-9pm. he's hyper till the minute he goes to bed
Talking to friends & other parents, their 8 year olds seem to go to bed a lot later (9.30ish). Am I being mean putting him to bed at 8? He's a ridiculously early riser but always has been. He's autistic & doesn't seem to need a lot of sleep. He doesn't need to go to sleep when I put him up to bed, he can read books, listen to his Toni box or yoto.
I think the reason I feel bad is that I can't wait to get him to bed to get some time to myself, which seems harsh!

I stand by what I said

That's still insanely early. He's two years off secondary age

Thanks all, I'm a single parent so question my parenting decisions all the time,! Glad to see it's about normal, with maybe even a bit of room to try him earlier 🤣

No that’s quite late for an 8 year old. Mine is in bed by 7.30

From the very start i made sure day and night were very different for my children, they slept downstairs during the day, they were dressed in baby gro's or clothes and were in a carry cot. After their bath at 6.30 they were fed upstairs, dressed in a nightgown and put to sleep in a Moses basket in the dark.
Bedtime was always 7 until they were 7, they were allowed to read until 7.30. The eldest 2 still had to be woken at 7.30 every morning, the youngest has always woken at 7. Every birthday bedtime was moved by quarter of an hour until they went to secondary school when bedtime was 9 and lights out by 10. Even when they went into 6th form they still chose to go up to their rooms at 9.
Children need sleep, it is when they rest and repair.

I think it's hard wired for a lot of kids.

I didn't especially want my kids to be early to bed kids, they just were. DS1 basically made it very clear at about 3 months that he was all done with the day at about 6 and even now he is 8, if you try and keep him up for something, he will often just ask to go to bed! He goes to bed after 7:30 these days though usually reads until 8:30/9

@ERthree - no. You just had very placid children who slept. My Ds also had a routine. Also slept downstairs in daytime as newborn etc. he still never ever slept until he was 3+ years old.
Bath, story, feed, and bed. And the bed part would still take hours. He woke hourly for years.

No one told DD she needed sleep until she was about 4.

Depends on the child, my youngest is 7 and goes to bed at 7:00 she has ADHD and is hyper all day but crashes about 7 and is totally tired out by then and will choose to go to bed. My oldest is 9 and stays downstairs with us until 10:00 and still isn’t tired so will probably end up reading upstairs. There’s no right or wrong answer as no two children are the same. Just do what works for him.

Oh gosh i feel for you.

My 12 year old goes up at half 8 and is in bed for 9. But he has to be up at 6.45 for school. School is in the next town over and is a 2 hour round trip in rush hour.

I'm still waiting on someone telling my 14yo he needs sleep.

Sounds a bit late if anything.
We used to start bedtime routine no later than 7 ( earlier if having baths) to allow plenty of time for tidy up, teeth, stories, chats etc so that parents got to be downstairs with bedtime duties finished by 8pm, and preferably earlier.

My 14 and 13 year olds go to bed at 9.30 on a school night. They ask to, need their sleep to be up at 7.15 and leave the house at 8am for school. At 9/10 bedtime was 8pm

Well my DS is 13. We have all screens off by 8:30 and he needs to make his way to bed by 9:15. Lights out by 9:30. He needs this much sleep as it’s still an effort to get him out of bed by 7.

At 8, I’m sure he was in bed by 8pm.

He’s not the only one I know of. But if he goes later he still gets up early, but with the bonus of being grumpy and ill.

Thank you for your feedback. I’ll take it into account when you know him.

My dd is 9 and goes to bed around half 9. That’s only because she doesn’t come in from clubs until half 7, by the time we do food, shower, wind down time the night just runs away with us. It’s too late and I would love it to be an earlier bedtime, I think I’d keep doing what you are doing.

My 7yo goes to sleep at 9.30pm so that seems early to me. By age 8 she will be in an age group where some of her clubs finish at 7pm, with a 20 min journey home, so starting bedtime at 8 would feel early. We don't really send her up to her room either, we tend to hang out as a family and do games or watch something together, in the living room or playroom. I have a much older dc and I know it won't be long before she won't want to hang out with us any more, so I am appreciating that time together while it lasts.

How does a club finishing at 7pm result in a bedtime of 9pm if it’s not that far away? Mine has one that finishes at 7.15, 15 minutes to get back home. Some toast and a yogurt as main meal was school dinner and then something quick like pasta before going out to the club. Quick wash, teeth brushed, into PJs, some reading together. Lights out at 8.15pm, so only an hour after the club finished.

@RidingMyBike - most children eat a meal after club? Regardless of if main or cooked it’s still time to prep, eat. Relax after.

My Ds football finishes 6.15pm. Home about 6.40pm. Usually I have already made something easy so just heated ie pasta bake just in oven 15mins. He has shower or bath first as filthy. And he’s not yet 5 so needs our help. It’s around 7.30pm we sit to eat. 8-8.15pm finished. Then he needs time to let food go down and relax a bit. Take him up around 9pm. He’s not even that tired at that point and still takes ages to sleep

I myself wouldn’t want to finish an activity when your energised ie a sport and expect to be rushed, sped eat and have to be in bed within an hour of finishing

We do actually want to spend some time with our kids, oddly.

Let's not make it about that.

Different children just have different sleep needs.

I was actually quite sad that DS1 is such an early to bed child, I really would have liked more time with him in the evening. But it would be selfish of me to keep him up when he wants and needs his sleep.

Your kids clearly manage fine on later schedule that's all

It was an answer to the question asked. I'm not rushing my kid to bed after a yoghurt without spending any time with them.
No nine year old needs to be sent to bed before 7pm.

I do sometimes "rush mine" to bed that fast though and it's not because I don't like him, which is what you said.

It's because he does better on more sleep