Do you ever think that your life would have been better without children?

[miserylovescompanyishoukdknow]

Just that really. I wouldn't wish away the ones I've got 3 adult sons but after a very disappointing Mother's Day - zero acknowledgement of it in fact I just wondered how things would have gone for me without them .
Definitely a less flabby body
Possibly a more successful career - went part time when eldest was 18 months
Definitely better off as they are v expensive and we continue to help them
Out financially- although I'm reassessing this as of now.
No ongoing granny duties just been asked to help out with regular child care - I have just retired after working since I was 14 years old and was looking forward to pleasing myself.
Anyone going to talk me down - think I'm just in a grump right now!!!

I wish I had the pelvic floor of my youth, no amount of squeezing helps, and I’d have a lovely big NHS pension. But I wouldn’t be without my kids, I’d hate to not have been able to have them. The one thing that upsets me is that two of mine don’t seem bothered about seeing me. One is the worst. People say she’ll come back when she has her own kids, but I’m not sure.
I thought I did everything right, but obviously not.

I was pregnant at 18 so I’ve never lived as an adult without my daughter.
I guess I’ve never had those thoughts because I don’t know any different than to be a parent.

No, we’d have more money and more sleep without them but my life is so much better with them. A better career, more money and more sleep do not come close to what my kids give me.

It would have been better in many, many ways. Not as good in others. It's not binary.

I occasionally look back on life pre-child with rose tinted glasses, but no. I don't think my life would have been better if we had remained childfree, but definitely a lot different! I wouldn't change it for the world, it did take me a few years to 'come to terms' with it though and adapt to parenthood; now I love it. I wouldn't be happy with more than 1 though i don't think.

No I don’t think mine would be.
Easier yeah, but not ‘better’.
And I say that as a long term single parent.

The only thing I wish is that I didn't worry about them so much. I can't seem to stop. I worried when they were babies, worried when they were at school and now they are 17 and 19 I probably worry about them more than ever.

I just want them to always be safe.

I wouldn’t do it again, I’d skip the kids and get more dogs

The only person who acknowledged me on Mother's Day was my son's girlfriend.

I have no pelvic floor and no career. I have fallen arches and symphysis pubis dysfunction. And piles.

Would my life be any better without the things that caused all these? No, I don't think so. Wealthier? Probably!

Mine are now all adults or on the verge of adulthood. The last 25 years have been the most exhilarating, most challenging, most exciting and most terrifying rollercoaster ride of my life. I feel privileged to have ridden it. I doubt I'll ever fully get off it. It's just slowed down and become a little less extreme.

This is an interesting thread. I don’t have kids myself and sometimes I do get a bit ‘broody’, but then I think of some of the people I know with children, teenagers and adult children and I wonder if it’s worth it. It seems common for adult children to not bother speaking to their parents much or harbour resentment for some reason (yes I know sometimes it’s justified). I would wonder if it was worth it if I made the sacrifices (with money, career, body, sleep etc) and then they don’t bother to even talk to me as an adult or send a card.

Never! They have absolutely made my life complete

The mothers I know say they would not do it again.

I love my kids dearly. But if I had my time again, in hindsight I wouldn’t have them.
I’ve very lovingly discussed with them all to think long and hard about what they want out of life and having children.
Of course I haven’t told them how I truly feel.

Perhaps I might feel a bit more secure in work, as my working memory since having my daughter has been awful and never recovered.

Then again, I wouldn’t trade my daughter for anything. She makes me so happy that I feel down to my bones and she’s such a bundle of fun. She has her off days (don’t we all!) but there isn’t anything anyone could offer me to take her away. I need some positivity in my life since my husband can be a right moaner sometimes!

Mine are what makes my life meaningful. Without them I'd have meaning in my other relationships but it wouldn't be the same, so no I don't think it would be better.

My life absolutely wouldn’t be better without my children. That’s not to say it’s always been joyful or been easy, but it’s very much been worth it. For me, it’s also been a chance to do things right that my parents (and dh’s) got wrong.

I recently got a potentially life threatening diagnosis. The only thing I could think about in those initial weeks was that I couldn’t die and leave my kids. I don’t care about anything else, but I want to be around as long as possible for them. Nothing or no one else mattered one bit.

I actually don’t acknowledge my own mum on Mother’s Day or any other day. Her life is very dysfunctional and she isn’t safe to have around my children. It’s very sad, but her choice. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Are you otherwise close to your sons? If you are, I’d call them out on it. If you aren’t, is there something you can do to heal the relationship?

No, it’s the best thing I ever did.

I do sometimes think about how much further I might have got in my career if I had prioritised that more over always being available at home. But you pays your money and you takes your choice- I chose family and I’m lucky that I’ve still managed to have a decent, interesting and well-paying career, and if I’m not the boss maybe that’s also ok.

We spent many, many years trying to have children and then got two at once 😁

I have never regretted having them. They are lovely, interesting intelligent people.

Nope. Who need money, sleep or spare time?! Honestly, give me my crazy fantastic dudes any day!

No never.
I looked at my absolute best between baby 1& 2.
I can't blame the babies for age related changes to my body.
They continue to give me so much joy.

Signed
Mum of DS21 and Dd 18

I adore my kids (they're still small and cute) but the thought goes through my head from time to time what I could've achieved without them. Mostly just that we'd have more money without the breaks and I could've pursued a higher paying career. Our house would look much nicer with money and time to spend on renovations!

Apart from love, my kids have given me more sense of purpose. They've also made me more assertive. Some days I'd recommend them to everyone, other days I'd recommend not having them, unless you really want them, just to let yourself get ahead.

It is sad not to get a basic acknowledgement on mother's day. I think I've always acknowledged my parents each year but probably could've put in more effort some years.

I don't regret having my daughter, she is the best thing I have ever done, even with the changes to my body and the expense.

However, if I were you I'd be bringing your sons to task about mother's day. It takes very little effort to buy a card or even text you on the day. I would also have a think about taking on the childcare. Don't do it if it's going to create resentment in you which is toxic to any relationship. Choose guilt over resentment every time!

The "motherhood penalty" is very real.

Had I known back then what I know now I might have thought twice about having kids. (Including the prospect of a marriage breakdown / single parenthood with zero help and a totally destroyed career path.)

Love my kids madly.

However I wouldn't recommend it to any woman who isn't massively committed to being a mother and devoting at least 20 years to self-sacrifice and putting your own life in the bin.

Absolutely not, they are all I ever wanted and more 🥰

No, not for a moment.

But my 16yo ds took me for a surprise lunch at the weekend, my career is intact and I am happily single, so expect nothing from anyone else.