Do you ever think that your life would have been better without children?

[miserylovescompanyishoukdknow]

Just that really. I wouldn't wish away the ones I've got 3 adult sons but after a very disappointing Mother's Day - zero acknowledgement of it in fact I just wondered how things would have gone for me without them .
Definitely a less flabby body
Possibly a more successful career - went part time when eldest was 18 months
Definitely better off as they are v expensive and we continue to help them
Out financially- although I'm reassessing this as of now.
No ongoing granny duties just been asked to help out with regular child care - I have just retired after working since I was 14 years old and was looking forward to pleasing myself.
Anyone going to talk me down - think I'm just in a grump right now!!!

Would it have been forever though? On the menopause threads plenty of women come to realise how much hormones ruled their lives. I suspect you’d have got over it and focused your life on other pursuits!

I think I would have been happier and in better nick. Love DD too much to wish her away though.

Maybe. I was very very desperate though, and I’d have probably just worked more. I’m definitely past that primal urge but I don’t know if that’s because I’m post menopausal or because I’ve got teenagers.

Define better! Different, yes.

It's not about my life being better or not. I am a much deeper person from having children. I have felt in many more ways and am more layered. It had changed me and made who I was always meant to be. Children are children forever and it's a season.

Gosh no.

I'm a single parent and it's fucking hard at times but the joy they bring me is immeasurable. Every sacrifice I make for them is worth it.

Ask me again at 3am when I'm being woken up for the 3rd time and need to be up for work at 6am and you might get a different answer mind you.

Absolutely not. I was a career driven high achiever, fell unexpectedly pregnant, I don't think anyone thought I'd ever have dc, especially me!
Adored the whole earth mother bf malarkey, packed up work for as long as I could. Dc now teens but still a joy. I'm going to miss them when they fly the nest.
I can't imagine not having them around. I'm a much nicer person, for a start:)

Ps- op- point out it was mother's day and just for them, there will be another one this Sunday. Tell them you feel a bit hurt.

No, my life would obviously be different without kids but not necessarily better.
Ivw had a load of fun with them.and they make me happy. Both well into adulthood and I see them or at least here from them most days.

Only because I'm worried about scary the world is becoming for them and my Grandchildren... other than that No.. l adore my family.. they are my world.. we are so close...they bring me the greatest pleasure. Brought my two daughters up on my own... love every minute

No. Short answer!

Easier yes. Better no.

I have been diagnosed with two disabilities because I passed them on to the kids. Wouldn't have known otherwise.

They had big heads so a wrecked pelvic floor.

My life is undoubtedly better without children, but I've known that since I was 14, so it's not as if I regret ones that exist.

I do very much enjoy interacting with partner's child, who he has 50:50, so between school, 121 time with dad and activities, it's enough to be thoroughly enjoyable and also quite sure that I wouldn't have enjoyed having to do it full time and deal with the less pleasant parts, rather than just enjoying doing fun activities with her and not having parental responsibility.

I'm so sorry. I don't think any of us envisage looking after our children past 18. It's often expected that they will look after us. That is extremely difficult. Do you get any form of respite from caring for your daughter? If not, you should look into it. Sounds like you need a break 💐

I have one DC who is 6. Had him at 18.

He's made my life exponentially better.

Mine are only teens, but I don’t relate to the downsides you’ve listed. My body is the same post babies, slightly weaker pelvic floor I suppose, but visually the same. I have a successful career. We have a good amount of money (stopped at 2).

I suppose my point is, I made sure a family worked for me. I had a very clear vision of what I wanted my life to be, what I still wanted for myself, for my marriage. I never saw motherhood has overtaking my whole life. I don’t see that changing with grandkids, I won’t do regular childcare, chances are I will still be working. Happy to do what we got which was occasional weekend and school holiday support to give parents a break, not subsidise childcare needs in the week.

I’ve never been afraid to ask myself what I wanted, and I’ve never thought I don’t deserve it. I don’t do the martyr parenting my mum does, perhaps you’re a little guilty of that too? I appreciate you can’t change the past, but you can change how you parent, or grandparent, going forward.

I would have had a better career if I hadn't had my three kids, but I wouldn't be happier. They're amazing and if I had my time again I'd do it all over again. Mine are teens now aged 15 to 19.

No never. They have enhanced my life in innumerable ways.
They are adults now and really wonderful, thoughtful, caring men.

I've never thought this. I love having my kids. Yes I wouldn't have had a prolapse, we'd have been better off and I wouldn't have so much worry. That's all true. However, I'd have missed out on all the fun and love. That sense of fulfillment and growth I get from being a mother.
I'm sorry they forgot mothers day though. That's poor especially as you're helping them financially and with child care. I assume it wasn't on their radar, rather than they just couldn't be bothered.

Well, I’d have probably had a career and therefore more money. Lack of career is something that’s always bothered me but I worked P/T to be home for them and that took priority. I wouldn’t have stretch marks either. But my kids are both wonderful and I wouldn’t want to be without them.

No, it wouldn't. I've never been very career driven or particularly bothered by my looks so those would never be something I'd mourn the loss of.

I'm also very lucky - so far - in that I got an easy ride in pregnancy and childbirth and my now young adult kids and teen don't give me any trouble.

It always strikes me that there is a lot of 'luck' involved in whether parenting works out. Maybe as my kids strike out into full adulthood and independence I'll have a different take on it. I can see why you'd be questioning things op, sounds like you're being taken for granted.

In terms of my mental health I don’t think I would be here if I didn’t have kids

As the great Bob said "life is worth much more than gold"

My life would be better with more support. More of a village to help take on some of the workload and pressure of raising children. More of a understanding world to raise them in.

I think without them I wouldn't have the confidence I have now. I'd have more sleep less burn out and anxiety. Although life may of filled those gaps in with burnout and anxiety from a career instead.
What I wish was different about motherhood is that there was less sacrifice involved.

Even without having children just being a woman I was at a disadvantage in the world but that certainly grows larger with motherhood. The world seems against us no matter what we do.

I've lost funding for childcare because I'm not earning enough yet I need the childcare to be able to earn more. We have more school holidays to cover than annual leave. If you have a sen child then there just isn't the childcare so many women just have to give up work. Countless examples of a world that seems to want to make it harder to have children, certainly harder to enjoy having them. It's no wonder women who pay the highest personal sacrifice are feeling their life would of been more enjoyable and straight forward not having them.

Society doesn't respect motherhood, women or even children.