Do you ever think that your life would have been better without children?

[miserylovescompanyishoukdknow]

Just that really. I wouldn't wish away the ones I've got 3 adult sons but after a very disappointing Mother's Day - zero acknowledgement of it in fact I just wondered how things would have gone for me without them .
Definitely a less flabby body
Possibly a more successful career - went part time when eldest was 18 months
Definitely better off as they are v expensive and we continue to help them
Out financially- although I'm reassessing this as of now.
No ongoing granny duties just been asked to help out with regular child care - I have just retired after working since I was 14 years old and was looking forward to pleasing myself.
Anyone going to talk me down - think I'm just in a grump right now!!!

Yeah, often I do, but I needed to have children to know that if you know what I mean. I thought I really really wanted to have children and that my life would be incomplete without them but hindsight tells me I would have an equally or maybe more fulfilled life without them. As I have got older I've learned that I love having a career and I love travel - I'm making the best of what I've got but I do think about the very different life I could have had.

@BlondeMummyto1 I'm the same, but i guess I might be much much older than you.

even through the hard days of working, coming home feeding and looking after my child, they were and are the person I'd most like to spend time with.

I think I was very lucky. I fell head over heels for them the first time I saw them. 50+ years later, they now look after me, but it's still their company I'd sooner have than anyone elses. Well, their partner comes a very close second in my list of favourite people.

Nope. They are the best thing to have happened to me and my life would be so much worse without them in it.

Better? No.
Easier? Yes.

I had my DCs young (20, 22 and 24). So while my 20’s and early 30’s have been taken over by being a mother, when mid-life arrives they’ll be grown up and I’ll still be young enough to do all the things I haven’t done in my 20’s and early 30’s.
I’ll only be 38 when my eldest is 18 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ve got acres of time!

Back in the day I wasn't bothered about having children, it was DH who was keen to start a family (and got me pregnant on honeymoon, to boot).

The early years were incredibly hard and I did not enjoy them, it just felt like hard graft all day, every day. But when they started school I really hit my stride and it just got better & better.

I absolutely loved their teenage years the most. But that's probably because they were both very easy going, nice natured girls and I genuinely enjoyed their company. We just all got on really well and they honestly rarely gave us any cause to worry. They did really well at school, nice friends, nice boyfriends. But, I know we were lucky.

When they left for university the sadness was very hard to bear for a time. I'm so pleased that we still see lots of them and they seem happy to hang out with us when they can. Having my daughters is the very best thing I have ever done and the relationship I have with them is what I'm most proud of.

Never regretted it at all. Parenting isn’t easy but nothing worth having comes easy. They have brought me joy beyond measure, made me a better person and added a depth and richness to my life that I could never have imagined.

No, not for a second!

My kids have made me a better, kinder, more confident and content person. I love being their mum, it’s a privilege. I love seeing the world through their eyes and it’s opened my eyes up to new experiences too.
They really do mean the world to me.

I will contradict this. I do not have my own children, but the happiest time of my life was when I had a step-son.
So 2 chaps, who answered to my call of "darling" :-) As well as a 16 year old, who came and flomped down on me on the sofa for a cuddle.
He's a vicar now and married, so nothing untoward.

No, never. My children are the best thing I've ever done. In fact, I wish I'd had more. The older I get, the less I think anything else has any real meaning.

The funny thing is that if I'd posted on here when I first got pregnant - no career, casual min wage job, living in a houseshare, by a man I'd only known a few months - I expect a lot of MNers would have thought, if not said, I shouldn't go ahead with it. Well, I'm extremely grateful every day that I did.

That is wonderful to read .

Nah, I think like would be boring without them.
Yeah there would be loads of time to do exactly what I wanted… but I’d have wanted kids so it would not have been that good.

I don’t think my life would be better overall, just different. Some things would be better and some worse. On balance I’m very glad I had them!

Body: having kids didn’t have a particularly negative impact on my body. I don’t think I’m any more flabby now than I was before I got pregnant, and don’t have any pelvic floor issues.

Career: I was never ambitious and don’t think I’d have been happy in a very senior role. I was secretly glad of the excuse to go part time in a less stressful role after having kids.

Money: definitely would have been better off without kids. They are so expensive and it never seems to end!

Friends: I would have a better social life if it weren’t for the kids I think. I’ve lost touch with quite a few old friends and I’ve never really cracked the baby group / school gate friendships thing.

Nope. Not for a single second do I ever think that.

I don't think it would have been better, children are such hard work but it's a natural instinct to want children and to care for them (no dig at all to those who don't have children and didn't want them, I admire them for knowing their own mind).

Physically I had a child birth injury and have often wondered if anyone had modelled the long term impact of reduced sleep and increased anxiety, etc, etc so there's been a big impact there for me.

For my career it saddens me that the structure of work doesn't let parents be parents easily and I get riled to see my old male colleagues in leadership positions they're been able to achieve more easily because they didn't have time out and work full time. So I'd have more money and wouldn't have as big outgoings.

My leisure time and holidays would be different and focussed on me rather than children.

All in all it would be different but I don't think it would be better because I wanted children and to make those changes in my life.

I think a lot of things would have been better without children - I'd be richer, I'd worry less and I wouldn't have various guilts about my shortcomings as a mother. But I would have missed out on so many things too. It's easy to focus on how things could be better, but they could also be a lot worse.

Mine are still little but so far not for a single second.

When I’ve worried about them (one has scared the absolute shit out of us the last few months very ill in hospital though now all okay) I’ve wondered if I can remember what it was like to not feel the constant watchfulness and low level background fear. I must have felt lighter?

But the all encompassing joy they give me every day is breathtaking. My youngest is 2 and the delight he finds in pigeons, yogurt, daisies has made me see things in a way I wouldn’t have without having had children. He drives me absolutely batty one minute and the next he throws his chubby little arms around my neck and squeezes tight and I could just eat him up.

Who knows how I’ll feel in future, I know I gave my mum some sleepless nights, but I love having them more than anything in the world and if I was any good at having babies and could have had them sooner I’d have had a handful more.

I'm not a big goals and dreams and career person and not a huge traveller, though I like my holidays, so for me kids have been very fulfilling and given my life more meaning. I think I'd have drifted through life feeling a bit unsastisfied without having kids. Keen to stress, that is just me - I absolutely think people having meaningful and satisfying lives without kids. But it was right for me.

ETA: My kids are in their teens now.

No. Never. My kids are amazing and this, for me, is a life well spent.

I couldn't imagine anything worse than a life without my children. They have improved my life in every way. I love being around them, and as pp have said they are my favourite people. I started my family in my 30s, the only regret I have is not having had them 10 years earlier!

Better ? No

Different ? yes

Yes. I wouldn’t have had all the worry and heartache (and no, the joy doesn’t balance it out, you have no idea what I’ve been through).

If I had my time again, I would be child free. Doesn’t mean I don’t love my children, but my life would have been better.

I wish I hadn't bothered.
The eldest has been bedridden for 6 years and we care for her, worried she will never get better .
Next ,two sons who I never see,
Next, two learning disabled/ autistic daughters whose future I'm worried about.
5 kids altogether.
Never get birthday cards from any of them or mothers day card.

I'm now late 60 s and really worried who is going to look after them when I'm gone .😥

Then it's time to enjoy your retirement now, be selfish and do what makes you happy. Make yourself a priority and don't regret it ❤️

They didn't acknowledge mother's day but asked you to mind their kid going forwards!?!? WTF?!

It’s very poor that they didn’t do anything for Mother’s Day - if they have small kids of their own then yes the main focus should be on their wives/partners. But they can still do a card and flowers!

You don’t have to agree to the childcare, it shouldn’t be a presumption on their part. Often it causes more problems when relying on family for regular childcare. Being back up - if the childminder is ill or a parent is asked to work an extra shift - can benefit you all and would often be more appreciated.

In terms of my DC…. They’re certainly not the best financial investment I ever made! I was desperate to have children, a real biological and emotional urge, so I would have been forever grief stricken if I’d not had any.