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Original poster

Mother’s Day expectations

76 replies

Newyorklady · 27/03/2025 21:55

Hi all,
What are your expectations for Mothers Day ?
I have sons and not daughters so expectations have never been high. As long as they get me a card etc and maybe small gift that’s fine.
My own mother is very different and always felt a level of expectation. Meal out, or meal cooked for her nice gifts, fuss made.
Mothers day has never been about me (even though I’m a Mum) it’s always been about her and what she wants. Me sorting the day for her. I’ve never had the day for just myself with my own kids.
I sound mean I know but she’s not been the easiest over the years and I have just taken her away for a weeks holiday at my expense yet the expectation is still high for me to deliver.
How do your Mothers days look ? What are your expectations.

OP posts:
Mumof1andacat · 27/03/2025 22:01

I have 12 yr old boy. Dh takes him out on the Saturday before or the Friday depending on work to choose a card and flowers. I choose what sweets I'd like and I get those too given to me. I normally select nice pastries for breakfast. My mum doesn't like a fuss. Small gift and a card. Sometimes I see her on day sometimes not. My dbro does the same. We've never been out on mothers day.

DustyMaiden · 27/03/2025 22:06

I get thoroughly spoiled by my 2 DDs and 1DS. I don’t mind what I get as long as it’s not forgotten.

Fagli · 27/03/2025 22:10

I think this is about your mum, not you and your children. Especially not because they’re boys. It sounds like you would expect more if you had daughters, that seems odd to me, especially since you have experienced your mother dictating her expectations to you. Why would you inflict this on the next generation.

Break the cycle, don’t inflict this guilt and expectation on your children. Either stop doing this for your mum, or carry on and stop resenting it. There’s nothing stopping you having a special day with your own children whether it’s on Mother’s Day or not.

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Events & celebrations
InfoSecInTheCity · 27/03/2025 22:19

I know I’ll get some small gifts and a card, neither DH or DD are very good at being surreptitious so there has been much sneaking around and whispering.

Then as a general rule they let me just pick what I want to do on the day, it might be pottering in the garden or going for a meal, I might decide I want to go out by myself and have some peace and quiet. Not sure yet will decide on the morning.

Vipersgonnavipe · 27/03/2025 22:28

I will be at work. I expect nothing and then if I get a card or some flowers when I get home, I will be happy. DH will cook, as he always does when I’m at work. I will phone my mum, he will phone his, the kids might give me a hug.

Expectation spoils everything. Be content with whatever comes your way, it’s far easier.

PLHJ84 · 27/03/2025 22:34

My husband will take the kids out on Saturday to chose a card & they’ll pick a small gift each (usually book, body lotion, candle type of thing) & they normally bring me breakfast in bed and flowers too. Just pastries i like and coffee made. Nothing fancy - used to get all sorts of pictures and poems made but only 1 is young enough i think to have the interest this year so who knows. I don’t know what to “expect” as they get older. My own mum died before i had kids but used to go for lunch or something & get her flowers & a small gift. If they chose as adults to see me or buy me a card or a gift it will be because they want to and not because i expect them to. It’s just an excuse (like valentines day) to spend money & i don’t need a dedicated day where people feel they need to tell me they love me on that particular day. I would be hurt though if my husband hadn’t made any effort as they are still too young.

Fizbosshoes · 27/03/2025 22:39

I have teens and tbh now they sort it out themselves I'm more likely to get something than when DH had to sort it! It will likely be a card and my favourite chocolate, and I've booked a restaurant for Saturday as that suited us better.

My own mum died 14 years ago and MIL died 4 years ago so no other mums to consider. Neither of them were demanding or expected a lot

TomatoSandwiches · 27/03/2025 22:44

I'm not fussed about the day for myself so long as I don't have to cook tbh, MIL is really sentimental so DH takes the children over to hers for the day, he is an only child so she really enjoys having them over and I get to relax by myself, it's a win win.
I wouldn't expect anything from adult children, why not scale back, send a card and flowers, that's enough.

Taytocrisps · 27/03/2025 22:48

I'd love to spend the day with my Mam, but she died many years ago. And my own DD is working, so I won't see her until Sunday evening. But she's a good kid and I'm sure she'll pick up a card and a gift, to mark the day. She works in a shop so she has no excuse 😄. As it happens, we're going to a show on Friday week and we'll go for dinner afterwards and enjoy a drink. So we'll have a nice Mother-Daughter day then.

I'll go for lunch with my Dad on Mother's Day instead and we'll raise a glass to both of our mothers. I'm separated and I miss seeing my MIL on the day, but it wouldn't be appropriate now. We'll probably exchange a Happy Mother's Day message instead.

Starfishfriend · 27/03/2025 22:48

I have sons and not daughters so expectations have never been high.
It sounds like you expect more from girls, and so does your mum

you (and dh if you have one) raise your sons and show them what is expected of them. And you don’t expect less of them in any area of their lives because they are boys.

Just tell your mum you’re scaling back, and tell your sons you’d love to see them for lunch

Sifflet · 27/03/2025 22:52

Starfishfriend · 27/03/2025 22:48

I have sons and not daughters so expectations have never been high.
It sounds like you expect more from girls, and so does your mum

you (and dh if you have one) raise your sons and show them what is expected of them. And you don’t expect less of them in any area of their lives because they are boys.

Just tell your mum you’re scaling back, and tell your sons you’d love to see them for lunch

Yes, you’ ve created a situation in which your sons aren’t expected to do much. That’s not because they have boy brains which are incapable of making a lunch reservation.

DH is away for work so it will be me and the 12 year old, who will buy me tulips and bring me coffee in bed, which is e actly what I want.

TokyoSushi · 27/03/2025 22:55

Card, small gift of around £10 and for people to mither me less than usual!

My birthday is always close to Mother’s Day so I’m happy not to have another ‘big thing’ as they always make a lovely effort for my birthday.

CarpetKnees · 27/03/2025 22:57

I have sons and not daughters so expectations have never been high

Why would you bring dc up and expect differently from daughters or sons ??

I have both. I have the same expectations of ds as dd.

Confused
caringcarer · 27/03/2025 23:00

My Mum died almost 12 years ago now. My MiL is lovely and we've got a Moonpig off to her. She lives 150 miles away and DH will get up to see her next week one day and take her flowers. I've got 3 DC 1dd and 2ds's and 2 FS's. DD has already been to see me last weekend and brought me a card and flowers. She's in hospital on Friday for a minor operation. I'm going down on Monday to help with DGC. Eldest DS lives 140 miles away and has sent younger DS money to get me flowers and he's sent me a card. I've told younger DS not to buy them for me until I get home from DD house. Younger DS is taking me out for a meal. Foster sons are likely to get me chocolates and maybe a new coffee mug with Mum on. I'm happy with whatever I get tbh. We don't make a big thing of Mother's day in our house. I do get a big fuss made of me on my birthday though.

Midweekmayhem · 27/03/2025 23:10

Card and flowers for dm on Saturday. Dh, I, and our dcs will just relax on Sunday. He doesn't have a dm. It is all relatively no frills for us.

I have told dh the dcs choosing their cards and writing/decorating them is all I want. I'm all about the cards, and relaxation! 😂 I won't be cooking, and think dh mentioned some bath salts. I binged on ALOT of chocolate the other day, so I'm happy without that. My dcs are only little, and I'm thinking some nice food from somewhere for us all will be amazing, maybe pastries or croissants for breakfast. I can have a lie in if I want, probably a cuddle with dcs in the morning. I'm relatively low maintenance tbh!

DappledThings · 27/03/2025 23:12

Cards and things made at school/Brownies/Cubs. Nothing else. It's not really on my radar as a thing.

Tisfortired · 27/03/2025 23:14

I get a card from DC and sometimes my eldest will attempt to make me breakfast. That’s as far as it goes and it’s fine by me!

Hollyhedge · 27/03/2025 23:17

No fuss. It’s just comercial as far as I am concerned. Cup of tea in bed would be fab!

haggisaggis · 27/03/2025 23:25

I prefer not to cook on Mothers’ Day but other than that to me it’s not a big deal. It’s a big deal to DH though who hounds the (now adult) dc to ensure presents are organised and makes sure a meal is booked. Problem is because Mothers’ Day is not a big deal for me I tend to be a bit lax over Fathers’ Day.

TB4 · 28/03/2025 01:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the author.

MinnieMountain · 28/03/2025 05:48

To be made a bit of a fuss of and not have to do anything.

We’ve got an 11yo. DS as it happens but my expectations would be the same for a DD. DH is taking him to buy breakfast ingredients and chocolates tomorrow. I’m choosing the takeaway. We’re having sparkling wine and watching Mama Mia.

My DM is dead, but to my shame I only ever sent her a card.

Purplecatshopaholic · 28/03/2025 05:56

Just out of interest why would sons do less than daughters? To my knowledge, having a penis doesn’t stop someone booking a restaurant, buying a card, or a gift…

Sirzy · 28/03/2025 05:57

I have an autistic 15 year old who doesn’t cope with any sort of fuss on days like Mother’s Day so we will be doing nothing and that’s fine by me.

LunchtimeNaps · 28/03/2025 06:13

For the past few years my DP has been working. My only expectation/wish is for a lay in. Although this yeah I am going for a meal with my kids and mum but I've told her I'm not driving. We can all get a cab so I can have a few glasses of wine with my dinner. I always drive everywhere.

eyesoncctv · 28/03/2025 06:18

No expectations but I do make several hints beforehand that I would love a lie in, maybe a Cup of tea in bed but that’s as far as my expectations go. I think Mother’s Day is a challenging day, trying to squeeze in a visit with my DM and MiL then usually a Pub Lunch with my little Family - there can be a lot of rushing around!