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Original poster

Mother’s Day expectations

76 replies

Newyorklady · 27/03/2025 21:55

Hi all,
What are your expectations for Mothers Day ?
I have sons and not daughters so expectations have never been high. As long as they get me a card etc and maybe small gift that’s fine.
My own mother is very different and always felt a level of expectation. Meal out, or meal cooked for her nice gifts, fuss made.
Mothers day has never been about me (even though I’m a Mum) it’s always been about her and what she wants. Me sorting the day for her. I’ve never had the day for just myself with my own kids.
I sound mean I know but she’s not been the easiest over the years and I have just taken her away for a weeks holiday at my expense yet the expectation is still high for me to deliver.
How do your Mothers days look ? What are your expectations.

OP posts:
RockStarMartini · 28/03/2025 06:19

I hate the expectation and fuss associated with these ‘special’ days - MD used to be about a card and a bunch of flowers, maybe a cup of tea in bed. Now it’s turned into way of guilt-tripping us to spend money and the source of so many family battles - you only have to see all the threads on here about pushy MILs who want it to be ‘their’ day, husbands who don’t do as much as their wife expects and so on.

My mum is reasonably OK about MD - we usually meet for a coffee and I’ll buy her a small gift, often something for the garden. She might wish we did more but she doesn’t put any pressure on. My adult DD asked if I’d like to see her and I said I’d love to if she’s free but if not another day is fine - she’s busy with her own life and I don’t want it to become something she stresses about, it’s really not a big deal. Obviously I’d be a bit miffed if she didn’t get me a card but I know she will and a nice gift too but nothing OTT.

I think people make it harder than it needs to be but it’s difficult when it’s pushed so much and you’re made to feel you’re missing out if you don’t get breakfast in bed, a huge bouquet, expensive gifts and a day of pampering.

Futureisborn · 28/03/2025 06:26

Nothing. I have none. It’s the same with Valentine’s Day. I find it a waste of money. At this time of year, a £1 bunch if daffodils given on a random Thursday means more and DS did that just a couple of weeks back.

terracelane23 · 28/03/2025 06:27

Im not bothered by it so I tell them not to bother.

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Events & celebrations
NoviceVillager · 28/03/2025 06:30

As a kid I remember going out for meals but tbh it’s so much effort. I am expecting a card with a nice message that shows my work is appreciated (this is the most important part) and hopefully a big bar of chocolate.

Roselilly36 · 28/03/2025 06:31

Not something I am bothered about at all. It is a commercialised day, quite honestly I would rather my adult kids save the money than buy me tat. I usually get a card and gift, but if they didn’t or forgot I wouldn’t worry about it at all, totally unimportant.

ohforfoxs · 28/03/2025 06:32

My DCs are young adults and will all be home. I'll take them out for a nice lunch. I don't want anything more. I'm just so happy we'll be around the table together.

Myengagementring · 28/03/2025 06:33

I have DS who is 12 he will choose me a card and some chocolates maybe. Although I did drop hints to him about a candle I would like. We are going to see the MILs on Saturday as DS has a footy match on Sunday. I've said I'm not bothered about going out for food as we are going away for a city break on Tuesday so I'd rather save the money for a meal out. And it's always chaos on mother's day 🤣

Sunshinedayscomeon · 28/03/2025 06:37

I don't have the easiest of DMs and EVERYTHING is about her and her needs. It's made me dread mothers day and not enjoy the day.

I've sent my DM flowers but wont see her on MD as it's never a positive experience. She can't help being mean.

This year, we're celebrating MD by whatever my DD & DS want to do. No pressure. No expectations.

Screwyoutwat · 28/03/2025 06:50

None, it is a crappy Hallmark day. Both kids are at Uni and I would much rather they keep their money than waste it on a poxy card. My own Mum I will meet up with next week and take her out for a meal. No fuss at all.

Midweekmayhem · 28/03/2025 15:38

Screwyoutwat · 28/03/2025 06:50

None, it is a crappy Hallmark day. Both kids are at Uni and I would much rather they keep their money than waste it on a poxy card. My own Mum I will meet up with next week and take her out for a meal. No fuss at all.

Well I love that "crappy Hallmark day." I love my homemade cards from my young children, croissant or pastry breakfast, and no drama. Meals are a lot different with young children, lots of fuss that I wouldn't enjoy.

Maybe it is different when your kids are grown and you're not 'actively Mothering.' Although, I still get my own dm a card with lovely words and flowers, always have, and will continue. I still take flowers to my Dad on Father's Day, and lay them on his grave. These days have always been an extra opportunity for me to remind my parents how much I love them.

SirChenjins · 28/03/2025 15:40

We do breakfast in bed with cards and a small gift for both mother’s and father’s days - beyond that it’s just a normal day.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 28/03/2025 16:18

Gosh, isn't everyone so worthy! All the 'it's just another day, I don't want anything..etc'. Well I brought up my five kids by myself with no input, financial or practical from their father, so I bloody LOVE Mothers' Day! It gives my (adult) kids a little nudge to think about their ageing mother, crumbling away alone in her cottage. I don't 'expect' anything, as such, but three of them are coming for lunch (cooked by me) and have asked me what I'd like as a gift. I've said a drill because I need one.

My birthday is bang up against Christmas, and so it's nice to have a day when the weather is nicer and the days are longer to hang out with my kids, as many as can make it - it's not a three line whip. When they have kids of their own, then the day will be theirs, either as mothers or fathers, but for now I quite like having them come over for a bit of a laugh and an excuse for me to cook some nice food.

Birdist · 28/03/2025 16:20

I think DH will either cook or arrange a meal out somewhere and DD will get me a card and maybe a small gift. DH often buys flowers too. Big question is whether DS (away at uni) will mark it- suspect it will be a phone call and that will be fine.

Delatron · 28/03/2025 16:28

I have teen sons - they’ll be gently reminded by DH but they are normally quite thoughtful. I’m happy with a card and a bit of peace and quiet to be honest!

My biggest worry/annoyance is passive aggressive MIL. DH will try and make me go and see her. It’s Mother’s Day and she’s his Mum.

So for once he can go on his own or take the kids. But he will try and guilt trip me and then suddenly it’s not such a great day. We’ll spend hours there then I’ll have to come home and get on with stuff so it would take over the day…

2dogsandabudgie · 28/03/2025 16:29

RockStarMartini · 28/03/2025 06:19

I hate the expectation and fuss associated with these ‘special’ days - MD used to be about a card and a bunch of flowers, maybe a cup of tea in bed. Now it’s turned into way of guilt-tripping us to spend money and the source of so many family battles - you only have to see all the threads on here about pushy MILs who want it to be ‘their’ day, husbands who don’t do as much as their wife expects and so on.

My mum is reasonably OK about MD - we usually meet for a coffee and I’ll buy her a small gift, often something for the garden. She might wish we did more but she doesn’t put any pressure on. My adult DD asked if I’d like to see her and I said I’d love to if she’s free but if not another day is fine - she’s busy with her own life and I don’t want it to become something she stresses about, it’s really not a big deal. Obviously I’d be a bit miffed if she didn’t get me a card but I know she will and a nice gift too but nothing OTT.

I think people make it harder than it needs to be but it’s difficult when it’s pushed so much and you’re made to feel you’re missing out if you don’t get breakfast in bed, a huge bouquet, expensive gifts and a day of pampering.

I completely agree with this. I used to get my mum a card and a bunch of flowers or chocolates, not particularly expensive ones, and she was more than happy with that and I am now happy to receive that from my adult children.

I hate going out for Mother's Day lunch, it's over priced and too crowded for my liking.

Chocolate85 · 28/03/2025 16:31

I grew up seeing dad encourage us to make mum a card, pick some flowers from the garden for her and making breakfast for us to give her in bed. He reminded us how lucky we were to have her (she really was/is a wonderful mum). DH is quite similar in reminding and helping the kids show gratitude.

My only expectations are a lie-in (unless DS is playing a match in which case I’m up for that) and a meal not cooked by me. Sometimes DC (teens) cook for me, sometimes we go for a meal. I cook for 6 every single day so the treat I want is a day off cooking.

It’s nice to show appreciation and be appreciated.

SleepingisanArt · 28/03/2025 16:55

When I was young (in the 70s) we went to church on Mothering Sunday and all the mums were given daffodils as they left the church. In the 80s it became much more commercial- I was a teenager at boarding school so would buy my Mum something I could post easily from school with a card. The tradition of a small gift or flowers and a card continued until she died a few years ago. (Her birthday also fell close to mothers day so double head scratching as I wanted to mark the day and she 'didn't need' anything - thank goodness for hampers full of treats she'd never buy herself!) When my own children were young they'd make cards and gifts at school and then when a but older went shopping with their Dad to buy little treats for me. As they got older one would always bake me something special whilst the other bought fabulous flowers. Once they left home I thought mothers day would fizzle out - but I get texts and flowers or chocolates (both live overseas) and that's enough - even just a text to let me know they're thinking about me would be perfect.

Midweekmayhem · 29/03/2025 10:46

2dogsandabudgie · 28/03/2025 16:29

I completely agree with this. I used to get my mum a card and a bunch of flowers or chocolates, not particularly expensive ones, and she was more than happy with that and I am now happy to receive that from my adult children.

I hate going out for Mother's Day lunch, it's over priced and too crowded for my liking.

Show quote history

Agree, my sibling takes dm out every year for lunch, it is always busy, sibling will make out "didn't realise it was Mother's eat free." Dm never enjoys it. She would much rather go on a different day.
We are going to see her today with card, flowers, chocolate and dcs; she enjoys this much more.

MrsSkylerWhite · 29/03/2025 10:47

One, because I think it’s a made up nonsense.
The kids are nice to me all year round.

MrsSkylerWhite · 29/03/2025 10:47

None.

Midweekmayhem · 29/03/2025 10:48

MrsSkylerWhite · 29/03/2025 10:47

One, because I think it’s a made up nonsense.
The kids are nice to me all year round.

I'm nice to dm all year too, still like an excuse to show extra appreciation! She loves cards, and to read the words, just as my late df did on Father's day, along with a cake I baked for him. I now put flowers on his grave Christmas time, birthday, easter, father's day, and when I want to inbetween! It isn't either/or.

sxcizme3010 · 29/03/2025 10:49

I expect nothing.... Couldn't give two hoots. Everybody has their own lives to live... We all need to stop this level of expectation on people

Midweekmayhem · 29/03/2025 10:51

sxcizme3010 · 29/03/2025 10:49

I expect nothing.... Couldn't give two hoots. Everybody has their own lives to live... We all need to stop this level of expectation on people

Completely agree on expectations, people should do it if they want to.

user1497787065 · 29/03/2025 10:52

I have one adult DS and one adult DD. We’ve never acknowledged Mothering Sunday. I love my DC and they love me. I don’t need a card and flowers etc on a particular day of the year.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 29/03/2025 10:59

My own mother is very different and always felt a level of expectation. Meal out, or meal cooked for her nice gifts, fuss made.
Mothers day has never been about me (even though I’m a Mum) it’s always been about her and what she wants. Me sorting the day for her. I’ve never had the day for just myself with my own kids.
I sound mean I know but she’s not been the easiest over the years and I have just taken her away for a weeks holiday at my expense yet the expectation is still high for me to deliver.

You don't sound mean at all. You sound sad that no-one puts you first.

Here's the thing - it's up to you to teach them how to do that.
To your mum - I've got you a card and a present but I'm not coming over today as we've just had a lovely week together. I'm going to spend the day being spoiled by my sons. [Some poetic license is fine. You're setting boundaries]
To your sons - I'd like to [go out for lunch] with you two and your dad for mother's day.

You may have left it a bit late but its worth a try. If not this year, you're laying a marker for next.