Great night ruined by ‘fat’ comment.

[Celia24]

Tonight I read poetry to a sold out show and felt on top of the world.

on the way home a group of teenagers tried to get my attention with a stupid comment. When I blanked them one then said, ‘damn, she’s got a fat ass.’

And you know what, I have. I’ve gone up to a size 16 and I’m slowly making changes to address my health.

But I’m so angry and upset to hear a negative opinion I have of myself commented on by a complete stranger and the power for it to hurt me and overshadow a proud moment.

You know they would have said this if you were a size 12. They were hustling looking for something shite to yell.

The reality is I’ve never been called fat by anyone when I’ve been size 12 or 14.

Now I already know this about myself and hearing someone shout it at me in a public place was awful.

Might it have been a compliment....

Teenagers are awful. They were looking for a reaction.
One day they will grow up with their own insecurities and deeply regret the way they treated others.
Dont let one thoughtless comment from someone who doesn’t matter and doesn’t know how amazing you are, ruin what was a great achievement tonight.

don’t let idiotic teenagers take away the glow from your night, they’re attention seeking,nothing more. They’re trying to impress each other or get approval within their group, it’s socially flexing.

a sold out show is amazing, truly well done! You should’ve laughed out loud back at them and said yeah me n my fat ass are on top of the world tonight sweetcheeks and blown them a big dramatic kiss.

They're just trying to impress each other. If they weren't shouting at you, they'd be shouting at someone else.
Don't let the little shits get you down. So what if you have a fat arse? I have a fat arse and it's completely irrelevant and unimportant. Who cares?

Yeh teens think fat arses are awesome - it was probably a compliment. I was called 'thin/thick' recently by daughters boyfriends friends and I was clueless. Apparently being hourglass with a big butt is desirable. So there you go. Still objectifying - but maybe it was a compliment?

I can understand that feeling. I think we’re wired to focus on the one negative thing over the positive. Maybe some kind of self preservation.

Could you channel it into your writing?

Congrats on your show though, that IS an amazing achievement, and you should be feeling very proud.

@Celia24 I’m so sorry - I know exactly how you feel 💐 having always been slim, I went up to size 18 (pregnancy related) and managed to slim down to a 16. Went out for the night with DH in a (not revealing) outfit that I felt reasonably confident in. Two teens behind me muttered ‘move over you fat bitch’ and I was DESTROYED.

it hurt then and still hurts now (though I’m slimmer again!) - I think the only thing to do is chalk it up to the callousness of youth. They don’t know you or your wider worth and it’s in no way a reflection of who you are. You have the power to box that comment up and separate it from what you’ve achieved tonight - it’s not relevant. Huge congrats; I would have neither the skill nor the balls to do what you have tonight 👏 👏 👏

I think it’s a compliment

To those wondering whether it was a compliment, it makes no difference when shouted out by complete strangers.

I went out with a Muslim colleague yesterday lunchtime and I won't even repeat what someone randomly called out to her, but it was sickening and left us both shocked for the rest of the day.

Teens want fat asses. They are literally training glutes every day to get a bubble butt. I’d take it as a compliment

@WeddingGuest25 im sorry, that’s awful! Why are people so nasty.

@SallyWD I know you’re absolutely right. I soon forgot the glow and am now fixated on this!

so far I’m coping by thinking my partner seems to enjoy my big butt but it was upsetting.

And even if it wasn’t, who cares what a bunch of gormless teens fancy or don’t fancy? Well done on the reading op. You have now reached a stage of life when you have transcended trivia like appropriate fatness of an arse. They are designed for sitting on and for transitioning your legs into your torso. Does yours do that?

I'm a size 16 (albeit i'm quite tall) and i've never been called fat. At a pretty average dress size, I can't imagine it was actually personal rather than them just being silly teenagers.

It makes a very big difference, be serious. Some one shouting a compliment in the street to someone is very different than someone shouting racist abuse. Ok, both unwelcome perhaps but very different

I was going to say this. Big bums are very much in and not a bad thing 😂

@Calliopespa i know that in theory.

but if I’m honest it’s partially upsetting because I was often cat called for being good looking ten years ago (not that that was good either!). I’m getting older and have struggled with weight for a few years. It’s a reminder.

We all get old @Celia24. If your butt wasn’t fat your face would be more wrinkly. It’s sad for everyone!

ETA that wasn’t meant unsympathetically!

It is such a juvenile and pointless comment (especially when big bottoms are extremely de rigeur.) I am quite jealous of your bum. No matter how heavy I squat (and I do a lot) I am never going to have more than the flat arse of a pre pubescent boy. We are never satisfied!
Well done to you for recognising that this simply hit a raw nerve. No matter how good our self esteem, it’s human to be hurt by things that we may be sensitive about.
An even bigger Well Done on your performance. Please don’t let these silly eejits spoil the glow for you- I bet they haven’t even thought twice about the comment, so don’t give it any kind of gravitas. By all means make whatever positive changes that make you feel healthy and good about yourself, but I’d bet you’re perfect just the way you are.

It’s so upsetting when anything like this happens, I’d like to think I had the nerve to channel my inner sergeant Catherine Cawood ( Sarah Lancashire in Happy Valley) and come back with one of her finest lines, ‘ and you can kiss my ample arse goodbye’ .
in reality I would be shocked and have only thought of smart remarks afterwards.

Congratulations on your poetry reading, if only we could populate the whole world with the sort of lovely people who would have been at your reading. As soon as I rule the world I’ll sort that out for you.

‘damn, she’s got a fat ass.’

Is misogynistic bullshit from a total stranger.

If that's your idea of a 'compliment' I despair.

I’d focus on the success of your show! But also maybe use the comments as a wake up call?

I am
overweight, try to use it as motivation to lose weight you’re not happy with

I try to view my body quite neutrally and focus on health and strength rather than what's attractive and I think these types of situations hurt because you know that even though their words may even be accurate on a basic level (i know my body carries fat and that I'm overweight so that would be factually correct), the intention was to wound you (unless as others have said they meant it as a compliment like thicc).. And usually we surround ourselves with people who treat us kindly so that's pretty jarring when a stranger wants to hurt us. Also for me it reminds me of being younger when it was seen as awful and unattractive to be fat because that's the last time I was spoken to in that way.

At the end of the day all bodies are valid and its all trends - my niece is very slim and really struggles with her shape but that would have been seen as the ideal when I was her age. They sound very immature.

In fairness these two things can be true at once - someone THINKS they're giving a compliment and is also unaware enough of themselves to see how misogynistic and offensive they're being.

Like when men run to guide me out of a car parking space without any need or request - so helpful in their minds and yet so patronising.