Great night ruined by ‘fat’ comment.

[Celia24]

Tonight I read poetry to a sold out show and felt on top of the world.

on the way home a group of teenagers tried to get my attention with a stupid comment. When I blanked them one then said, ‘damn, she’s got a fat ass.’

And you know what, I have. I’ve gone up to a size 16 and I’m slowly making changes to address my health.

But I’m so angry and upset to hear a negative opinion I have of myself commented on by a complete stranger and the power for it to hurt me and overshadow a proud moment.

I assume your Muslim friend was victim to a racist slur/ assault? If you genuinely think these two situations are the same then I despair ! And I feel sorry for your friend

It was more sexual like the comment to the OP but did also allude to her religion.

If someone tried hard enough, I'm sure they could twist it into a 'compliment' but that's just the way some people's minds work.

Your have to watch what you do to watch your weight.

Your achievement that night was reading your poetry in a sold out show. Their achievement that night was hurling a random insult for no reason at all as a way to feel important. Very sad for them really. Don’t let this overshadow your brilliant evening x

Look I have been called fat many times as an insult, whilst doing my job, I can work in hostile environments, I’m a size 10. As much as I know I’m not fat, it still hurts. They are idiots, and hopefully when they mature they will realise there behaviour was unkind. Try and focus on the good things, it sounds like you had an amazing night before this comment, so I’m hoping you can forget these stupid remarks x

People came up to me after the event to give compliments which made me feel good.

I need to do my best to remember those and not feel too upset. But it does sting.

a

if teenagers ever piss you off, watch this!

I'm really interested in hearing more about your show and your poetry! That sounds brilliant, please tell us more.

“Damn, she’s got a fat ass” from a modern day teenager is 100% a compliment.

I wouldnt care what teenagers say. The types of teenagers that would comment on a person walking by are not worth your headspace. They are children in adults bodies.

I am so sorry this has got you feeling down, sending hugs x

Please just focus on the positives of the day, ignore the comment as teenagers can be brutal.

I have a lovely friend who could be a Victoria's secret model ( tall and slim, blonde etc.) and she is a teacher at a high school yet she gets picked on!

On one occasion she told me she left a classroom in tears because of mean comments about her weight.

My point is it's not you, it's the silly teenagers. Hold your head high and be happy you're not as low as them to make rude comments at someone - it's pretty embarrassing behaviour from them.

Also, I would like to mention it was definitely a compliment. I have heard teenage boys and girls say this a lot and they mean well!

I was called fat once when in my early 20's and a mere size 10!
Oh if they could see me now they would realise they peaked far too early!
Fuck em op enjoy your moment of shining xx

You did an amazing thing, talking at a sold out show, I couldn't even dream of having the bravery. They are asshats, ignore it. You rock.

Size 16 isn’t fat.

"damn" can mean like "wow!," as well.
a huge butt IS desirable to many and something millions of women work very hard (and sometimes pay a lot of money) to try and obtain. Have you not heard of BBLs, etc? I literally had an add for bum enhancing shorts with padding come up on insta today.

none of us know whether the teenagers did mean it like that - from OP's point of view given what they were saying beforehand she felt it was intended as an insult, and as she was the only one there her interpretation is more valid - but that doesn't mean it can never be meant as a compliment.

Just because you "despair" doesn't mean there aren't hundreds of thousands of women who would (in a different context) absolutely consider it a great compliment, both to receive and to give to a friend.

OP - just fyi, another post came up on my social media today (I swear I'm not bum obsessed lol) of Taylor Swift - it was 2 photos, one of when a few years ago with a quote from someone on social media mocking her for being too skinny and essentially saying her boyfriend wouldn't want to sleep with her because her butt was too flat (the actual wording was more misogynistic). Then another one of her more recently when she's a lot more curvy mocking her for being fat.

The point is, women can't win -some people will pick on anything to try and bring others down, and, particularly with strangers, will focus on the most obvious things because they have a higher chance of hitting home. They don't know you, so can't give a personalised insult about your character or whatever but nearly every woman has some sort of body insecurity, so they'll say something about that whether they're a size 6 or size 20.

What a meaningless thing to say.

Plenty of people are clinically obese at size 16 due to their height.

But either way, it was an unwelcome misogynistic comment aimed at the OP by a complete stranger.

so far I’m coping by thinking my partner seems to enjoy my big butt but it was upsetting.

I was once told (half way through sex as he caressed my sizeable arse) that ‘men say they don’t want an arse like this but they do. They all do.’ 🤣

And those teenagers said that but from their point of view it could have been ‘damn she’s got a blue jumper’ or ‘damn she’s wearing black shoes’ or anything. What they actually meant was ‘hey friend group, look at me! I’m so edgy and confident and I can raise my voice so other people hear me and you don’t raise your voice as confidently as I do, I’m winning at being a teenager’.

It’s currently a popular sound byte on TikTok. They’d have said it to literally anyone who walked past because it’s their current ‘hilarious’ meme.

Try not to take it personally.

I'd rather have a fat ass than be a prick who name calls a lone woman (or anyone for that matter).

Also, for people saying this is a compliment, be for real. It's no better than a man cat calling 'fat ass' at you.

Teens may see it as a compliment and if they want to say it to each other, whatever (me and my friends used to greet each other with 'hi slags/bitches' as teens), but they should know better than to yell it a strange adult in public.

Maybe practice a few comebacks "l can lose weight, you're stuck with that face" or some such.

You should have said 'Yeah and your Dad loves it!'.

Kids will say anything for a reaction. I was 6 stone and a size 4 when I got called a fat ugly cunt when I was walking home from my first day of my first job. I was actually severely underweight

Let me tell you, the insults I came up with AFTER the fact were genius! Why do we always think of the best retorts 10 mins later…

Congrats on your show!