My mum's made me feel uncomfortable.

[Sunshadows]

My dh belongs to a cycling club, they meet weekly for a ride and drinks afterwards. They're a large group, so there's often multiple rides.

The other day I was out for coffee with Mum, she asked about our weekend plans and I said Dh would be out with the group on Saturday, (I was going to a friend's birthday meal).

She said 'Oh I know what goes on in Cycling Club, I've got a spy! A bit taken aback I asked what she meant. She then refused to enlarge, just said 'Oh I've known someone a while now who's also in that group, can't say who as must protect her 'privacy'! She then went on to mention a televised event in the summer, that many cyclists are involved in. Dh IS involved in that, it's all being planned, but because my mum's never shown much interest in his sport I haven't thought to mention it! This person's told Mum dh is involved though, and that myself & the kids are looking at accommodation that weekend so we can all watch.

No problem with Mum knowing, but why is someone discussing details about us to her?! Mum was almost rubbing her hands with glee, telling me this but is keeping a secret who this person is?!

I know most of the group, am not a member myself but join them for BBQ's Xmas meals with partners, etc.

Dh doesn't do 'gossip' and gets highly irritated anyway (as do I), with my mum's tendency of 'who said what to who', she does it a lot, also in family situations. If i repeated this to him he'd be fuming at the fact someone (who he & I must know) is on the sidelines repeating stuff to anyone, let alone my mum!! He'd probably say something to her and she'd accuse me of 'stirring', and insisting to dh I made too much of ir and she just happens to know someone. She's done similar before.

SHE's the stirrer, but if I quiz her on it this weekend and say we want to know who she's talking about she'll have won, won't she! She WON'T enlarge, but will take pleasure in making me feel uncomfortable. There are times at socials when we all chat (partners too); about family/friends etc. I'll be looking round the table now, wondering who Mum's 'spy' is!! Not a nice thing for her to say.

@Hwi

Are lesbians allowed to go to mixed sex hobby groups? What about bisexual women? Do they need to give up hobbies entirely? As surely lesbians and bisexual women can’t attend single sex hobby groups according to your logic?

I'd just ask them next time you meet who is it who knows your mum.

My logic does not include those scenarios, apologies.

Bit of a stretch to call it logic.

I'm interested as to why straight men and women can't socialise, but gay and bi women (and men?) can?

Surely you think its about opportunity.

What logic?

Hobby groups are not the hotbed of perversion you seem to think they are (well, none of the ones I’ve ever been to have been…)

OTOH I know quite a few people who have had affairs with people they’ve met at work. Does your “logic” ban married couples from working in different workplaces / teams as well? Must be difficult finding employment.

That’s ridiculous. Not everyone thinks about cheating just because they do hobbies with mixed sex friends nor does everyone feel insecure with this like you obviously do! My son lived with 4 people at Uni, two of them girls whom he has remained very close to and looks upon them as sisters, in fact he’s godfather to one of their children and regularly visits as they live a good few hours ago and his friends partners have become friends with him too. He recently met one of the girls in a different city from the both without their partners. His girlfriend couldn’t care less as she’s not insecure and knows these girls are just very good friends and has met them and likes them

Your post does not have any relevance to what I posted - your son is not married. I was talking about MARRIED people, not some rando bf and gf, but grownup committed people.

My son is 33 and has been with his girlfriend over ten years. They live together and have a son. That’s the same as being married so yes it is relevant and my points still stand. Anyone that thinks that their partner shouldn’t not have any hobbies that are mixed sex is ridiculous, insecure and controlling. You do know that most affairs start in the workplace don’t you? Do you allow your partner to work with women? I’d be very worried if I were you because I’d be getting as far away from my partner as possible if they thought the same as you

Firstly, I was talking about MARRIED people, not bf and gf, fgs! I don't have a partner - I am self-employed, not in a partnership. Secondly, my dh works with female colleagues - this however is different, because work is work and you don't choose who you work with. A hobby is different, you are choosing with whom you want to spend your free time. So your points do not stand again, I am afraid.

Well, your worldview wouldn’t ‘stand’ at any point since about 1900, or outside Saudi Arabia. It’s sad that you trust yourself and your spouse so little. You must be incredibly sex-obsessed.

Her points absolutely do stand.

Your point of view is bizarre.

And being MARRIED is nothing to do with it. Many couples spend a lifetime together and never get married. What are you talking about?

Your mother is unhinged I know this because my mother is also unhinged. My mother stalks my husband's work Facebook then SS photos of him & sends them to me "did you know/see this?" When he's away for work conferences etc 🙄

ignore her she wants power over you (you & DH probably look like a good healthy couple) don't give it to her

My points absolutely do stand and I’m not the only one who thinks the same. Most of us don’t live in the 1900’s.

Your mother is jealous of you for some reason or other and is just trying to wind you up. Don’t give her the satisfaction