Partner has baby blues - due in 2 months

[livealittlex]

So when I met my current partner I was pregnant, he chose to step up- and want to be this boys dad as the real father cheated and moved country, I'm 2 months from my due date and my partner has baby blues about it not being his, how do I help reassure him?

You’re a mum to a very young child and have another one on the way in a month or so.

And you’re worrying about this dude’s hurty feels?

How do you even have the energy to worry about what he needs? Your priority should be you, your existing child and your neonate.

If he was the biological dad no one would be saying this? And actually it’s even better as he’s made the choice to become a dad

True, because they’d probably be questioning how quickly you moved in that relationship and how well prepared you both were to commit to being parents before you fell pregnant.

You are asking the wrong question…why would a man choose to move in with a woman they hardly know , who is pregnant with someone else’s child and has a child already to a different father?

You strike me as someone who is so in love with the idea of a nuclear family that you’re prepared to take risks that you really ought to find unacceptable. It’s OK to have a vision of what you want for your life. I think we can all empathise with that. But the welfare of your kids has to come before it. Ask him to move out. Pump the brakes a bit. I suspect doing those things will reveal a great deal about his intentions.

1. You haven't got a toddler, presumably she will be going to school in September. Although she sees her bio dad, is your new bloke 'dad' to her at home?
2. How long have you actually known him?
3. How long before he moved in?
4. Why on earth do you think any of this is a good idea?

Yeah, I’d be saying the same thing.

Men who centre themselves when women are raising a young child and pregnant with the next are generally dicks.

But you know that, I’m pretty sure.

In your OP you say he’s worried about the baby not being his. But in every subsequent post you say he’s just worried about being a father for the first time and needs reassurance. So which is it? I think you’re lying to yourself.

But he's not the bio dad is he.
Keep on telling yourself what you want to hear, fingers crossed your daughter and newborn won't pay the price for your lack of discernment and blatant disregard for decent, healthy boundaries.

A newborn is very different to be around than a 3 year old - your boyfriend will most likely find it very hard to cope with. And if you are helping him to cope, how will you also be making sure your 4 year old and your newborn, and you, and your home are all OK? Maybe it would be better for all of you if he moved out for the first year or so, to let you settle into your mum-of-two routines?

I bet his family and friends are advising him against this setup

I know I wouldn't be happy if my son played house with a woman with two very small children that weren't his.

It's also much riskier for you and your children as others on this thread have already pointed out

Agreed.

OP, you quite clearly state that he is worried about the baby not being his. Or more specifically, he has the 'baby blues' about it not being his.

I hope you are on the wind up. A man moving in with a woman with a young child who is pregnant with another man's child is concerning. I hope for your children's sake that you are a troll.

Or he's a man who's willing to fake being a lovely man and a great step dad because he's found a naive woman who despite barely knowing him has handed him access to two young children.
Please take off the rose tinted glasses and look at what the hell you're doing here. Your relationship is so short you don't even know if he wears flip flops in the summer or not.

So my dad actually married my mum when she was young and pregnant with another guy's baby. They'd known each other before she got pregnant.

I'm their 3rd child and he's a shit useless dad to me and middle sibling, but he's always been a solid dad to my eldest sister. She's always called him dad and as an adult he's always there for her.

You'd think a guy who stepped up for a other guys kids would be good eith his own too, but I thought it was worth mentioning that he's always remained her dad despite breaking up from my mum when she was 8 years old.

You've got an unusual set of circumstances that everyone is focusing instead of answering your question, hopefully a Google will come up with similar past about your question that will have come useful answers?

I can’t help but wonder whether this is the way he’s found to keep a roof over his head. Certainly think he needs to be not living with them for a good long while yet, anyway. Let the relationship mature organically (or fizzle out as the case may be). It’s all well and good being all ‘when you know you know’ if you only have to account for your own welfare but this is all a bit feverish for a situation where two kids are involved.

If you already live with this man you can’t have been with him longer than 5-6 months max if you’re 7 months pregnant with someone else’s baby?! This is utter madness. Your poor 4 year old in the middle of this mess. Ask yourself why this man has wanted to move in with you and your toddler.

Unfortunately those circumstances fundamentally limit the possible answers to the OP’s question. She wants to know how she can reassure him, but the truth is that she can’t, really. And very probably shouldn’t. She can’t tell him it’ll be easy, or that it’ll all work out, or that the bio dad(s) won’t someday show up bumping their gums. She can’t wave a magic wand and make the baby biologically his. If we’re to take him at face value, he seems to want reassurances that OP just can’t offer. And the fact that he’s needing them at a time when her energy should be focused on herself and her kids doesn’t augur well, in my opinion.

It’s everything that is wrong isn’t it
one child dad estranged
second child no dad
new dad not a dad worried about being a dad
it’s a mess my advice to you get an education get a job be the best mum you can be and forget about dead beat dads

It’s a mess. My advice to you - get an education, get a job, be the best mum you can be and forget about deadbeat dads

I think that ship has well and truly sailed.

I’m sorry but you sound irresponsible. Putting your need for a man before your children.

Literally millions of threads on here about men who can’t be arsed to parent their own biological children.

And this guy’s ’biggest dream’ is to meet someone who is already pregnant to another man, and become a ‘dad’ to the new baby and another toddler?

I would laugh but only in a hollow manner. OP, catch yourself on, won’t you?!

Quite. 🤯

He’s not a dad.

This is madness.

This is a good point. His family and friends wouldn’t be unreasonable to warn him.

You've known this man for only weeks, why are you even expecting him to "step up"? He's moved in with you because his biggest dream is to be the dad of your toddler and unborn child? Catch yourself on and start at least trying to make some decisions that centre your children.

He's not a dad. This is not the "baby blues", this is just him being nominally more sensible than you, and realising that he's made a huge mistake and he doesn't want to do it.