Partner has baby blues - due in 2 months

[livealittlex]

So when I met my current partner I was pregnant, he chose to step up- and want to be this boys dad as the real father cheated and moved country, I'm 2 months from my due date and my partner has baby blues about it not being his, how do I help reassure him?

Ooh that's a bit snobby.

That seems vanishingly unlikely to me.

You’ve had some harsh comments but I think there is some truth running through this.

1. everyone needs to accept this isn’t his baby, he isn’t dad. It’s your baby and he will be helping as your partner if you stay together. in time a fatherly bond may develop but this is years down the line
2. After less than 7 months he shouldn’t be living with you. Getting over the date stage isn’t something to be proud of. That’s where you get to know each other, their good and bad traits and build a shared history
3. he isn’t excited now, this will get worse/harder when a child who isn’t his is waking him up all night and you are shattered too and giving all your attention rightly, to your children.

step back and breath. If this relationship is strong and meant to be it will work even if you step back. As him to move out. Spend time together but take the pressure off this perfect family you are imagining, it’s a fantasy after this long together and you need to open your eyes to reality. It may work out brilliantly long term…but this might also signal he’s not in this for the long haul

Anyone can be a sperm donor but it takes a real man to become a dad which is what my partner is doing.

My daughter is 4 btw not 2 as someone else made up. He gets on amazing with her other parents (also step parent) we all have such a good relationship. I think he’s just worried as it’s his first time being a dad and I’m trying my absolute best to be there for him, I don’t think he’s the type of person to just leave due to being stressed or worried, I think he’s just looking for some reassurance from me as I have the experience, but I think once baby is here it will come natural to him

After less than 7 months he shouldn’t be living with you

He must have moved in within three months, by my calculations.

Where's the actual father of the baby? I hope he'll support it financially.

OP Not the point of your thread but toddlers are 1 or 2 year olds- toddling is the wobbly walk that children do when they start walking.

My daughter is 4 BTW, not 2 as someone else made up.

Maybe that's because you keep referring to her as a toddler ("he is a first time parent and I already have a toddler")

This situation has so many red flags and you are kidding yourself if you think that the midwife supports this.
You and him have rushed into a situation at break neck speed and your partner is panicking because his subconscious knows this deep down.

I would be deeply suspicious of any man wanting to move in so soon where there are young children involved….and worried why any woman would think this appropriate to do.

Yes, so would I.
OP you've shown terribly poor judgement here.

she’s in preschool that’s why I refer to her as a toddler

Sorry OP but are you actually going to put this man on the child's birth certificate?

It is actually very understandable that he is having reservations about a situation he has essentially become very quickly trapped in, that isn't even his own doing. He is not THE dad nor is he a first time father. He doesn't need reassurance, he needs you to accept that this is a huge adjustment for him and he likely needs your understanding and support on that rather than guilting him with more words of wisdom and pressure. It would actually be very interesting to hear his true views on this, without you putting words into his mouth for him.

He hasn't done anything yet. The baby isn't here.

We have decided that legally I will be the only one on the birth certificate

It’s bad that you moved a stranger into your children’s home so soon. But the whole idea of him pretending to be the unborn baby’s father, when you’ve known him a few months, is somewhat terrifying

You do realise he could quite easily be a paedo who has targeted you right?

Absolutely this. An unrelated man in the home is the biggest risk to young children - it massively multiples the risk of abuse to children.

By all means date this man, but please move him out OP, for the safety of your kids. You just haven't known him long enough - and your kids safety is too important

Without being rude, you don’t know him and have no idea what he’s like, he’s lovely and he’s a man who’s willing to step up and become a father to a baby that’s not legally his.

This can’t be real?! What the hell are you thinking?!

Kindly, That is probably the most sensible thing you've said on this thread.

Honestly OP, I think you should be treading with caution here instead of all gooey eyed. Yes there are a small amount of men out there who would willingly step up and take on this responsibility but many of those who do can be dangerous and I think your wishy washy attitude towards this is actually quite scary. Aren't you even a little bit cautious?

Trust me, I am a lone parent to a 4 yo and a 6mo, I understand how terrifying and overwhelming it is but inviting some random man in and playing happy families straight off the bat isn't the answer. You are at your most vulnerable now and after the baby is born, please have some sort of boundaries in place to see if it works before throwing all your cards in here.

What a fucking mess.

This reminds me of my friend Emileigh, what has 3 kids by 4 different dads…

Agree with all previous posters but also want to add that this is not “baby blues”:

From the NHS website:

*During the first week after childbirth, many women get what's often called the "baby blues".
Women can experience a low mood and feel mildly depressed at a time when they expect they should feel happy after having a baby.
"Baby blues" are probably due to the sudden hormonal and chemical changes that take place in your body after childbirth.
Symptoms can include:

• feeling emotional and bursting into tears for no apparent reason
• feeling irritable or touchy
• low mood
• anxiety and restlessness

All these symptoms are normal and usually only last for a few days*

A more accurate description of his feelings might be “panicking about what the fuck he’s got himself into”.

Op I have batch cooked meals in my freezer that are older than your relationship. A man who chooses to move at very short notice into a home with a 4 year old girl and her newly pregnant mum may well have an ulterior motive. I honestly don’t get how you can’t see this is concerning.

You don't know him either!!