I find sex….gross

[Soubriquet]

It’s odd I know. I’m 36 years old and still using the word gross but I do find sex to be really ugh. I do have autism so that probably doesn’t help, but I just don’t like the stickiness and the wetness.

On top of that, I haven’t had proper sex in years due to cervical pain when I’m having intercourse (yes I’ve contacted the doctor. I’m currently booked in). I don’t get turned on easily, and when I do, I tend to find a couple of minutes of rubbing my clitoris through my knickers better. I can’t bring myself to insert my fingers. It…feels unnecessary and yeah gross.

Im weird aren’t I? This isn’t normal is it?

I don't think this is as unusual as you think i enjoy sex but afterwards I often feel gross and the mess 🤢

Sex is very weird. It just doesn't make sense but it's supposed to make sense.

There are loads of asexual people, you could be one of them. You don’t have to like anything, just do what makes you happy and it’s nobody else’s business.

Im fine with sex but I can’t use tampons for some reason, they freak me out so I can sort of understand your point about fingers.

The mechanics are weird and a bit gross but when you have strong desire it overrides that.
ps you don’t need to insert your fingers to masturbate. Do what pleases you .

This has blown my mind. The worst thing about my prolapse diagnosis and subsequent surgeries is not being able to have sex.
I really really miss the connection with my husband, esp now that HRT has got me interested again. I'm devastated that I can't do it at the moment.

However OP i agree that sex is messy and grim. We've always used condoms and continue to do so even though I have a mirena coil. This removes any messiness. They are already lubricated and they catch all the grim mess. No wet patch.

@Weepixie no , it’s just that to me when you open up the labia and root around to find the clitoris to me that feels pretty much like going “inside myself” already! I mean people are talking as though it faces the front or something . But maybe theirs is less “inside”…? Cos we are all different .

I’ve realised late in life that I’m asexual -I’ve been married twice too ( still am) - I’m just not bothered about it at all -never really have been - I was interested ‘enough’ for about 18 months in relationships-but then it started to feel like an expectation -

God .... no wonder men can't find it!!😂

I understand what you mean op, or at least to a degree. I grew up in a very ‘traditional’ area and the expectations of girls to find a suitor young was really pushed. I genuinely had a member of my church suggest I needed to crack on before I was seen as a spinster - I was 20! One of many reasons why I’m now a non-believer. I was a late bloomer, just didn’t ‘get’ why this whole get a boyfriend stuff was needed. I kind of forced myself into dating, having sex but it all always felt like I was gritting my teeth and doing what everyone else saw as normal. Met a guy in my early 20s that on a personal level I got on with like a house on fire, and to be fair for a while I could push down the ‘ick’ of sex. Then he became the ‘ick’ (in a real sense that I won’t go into here) and i couldn’t even grin and bear it with him.

We split up, and moving away from not being pressured into seeing men as the ultimate prize has made me realise I’m actually attracted to women. It’s something I buried as a teen, again highly conservative social upbringing (though my family were liberal and my mother did ask if I was gay in a non-accusatory way). But I know (now, probably far far too late) that I do have sexual attraction.

Would a sex therapist be an option? What’s most important is that you understand what works for you. You could be asexual, it could be sensory processing with autism, it could be related to something that you’ve associated with sex being yuck. That doesn’t mean you should carry on if you’re uncomfortable with it, and certainly in pain!

Thinking about it in too much detail it is a bit grim. Especially when you consider oral sex is the same place people pee from etc. The body fluids element makes me feel nauseous. I feel that way about drinking water, cooked food/all food especiallly meat 😱 and shoes etc. When you pause to consider it all…I doubt we would ever eat or leave the house 😂

Also autistic and in agreement OP. I do like sex but most foreplay grosses me out. Fingers or oral on me. I generally find vaginas sticky and ‘gross’ I’m ovulating this week and the increase in discharge is revolting to me. Sex toys have been a game changer for our sex life. All the pleasure with none of the skin or skin touching during foreplay.

I am NT just to say

I’m the exact same I rarely get turned on and am dry as a desert all the time anyways, sex is painful and I don’t like the feeling of being sticky anywhere, having said that what I can tolerate is my bf going down on me it’s so much less overwhelming sensory wise and we just have wipes on standby. Deffo made the relationship better

On the whole, it probably is an overrated experience. For sure the majority of sex we have is overrated. But sex sells. And so we live in a sex saturated culture. Because of that, you grow up thinking it’s going to be the most mind-blowingly amazing thing on earth. The reality, of course, is often awkward, embarrassing, smelly and ridiculous.

I’d put sex in the overrated category, along with alcohol, Disneyland, picnics, Paris, hot sunshine and champagne. Books and art galleries have brought me far more pleasure.

Completely agree, well said

Similar here.

I'm not asexual, I do have a sex drive, it doesn't last though. When you first meet someone they can't do enough for you and TBH I wish they wouldn't! Buying little gifts, going interesting places for dates, on their best behaviour and making an effort with house chores and in bed. So I fall in love with Mr Nice. Then at some point they get lazy, start scratching their bollocks and farting all over the place, leaving mess everywhere, preferring to stay in than go out, barely remembering my birthday until the last minute and start getting more selfish in bed. It doesn't matter if they're still basically ok as a person and I still love them, my sex drive has higher standards and it ups and leaves 😆. The fact they can get all lazy like this and still expect me to want sex is a huge turn off in itself. So they get friend-zoned: love you, like hanging out with you, but no sex please! Would be so much easier if they were their natural selves from the beginning, then it'd only take a week or two at the most to realise we're incompatible as anything other than friends. I can't stand being taken for granted by a partner. Sex when I'm not properly turned on both physically and mentally is just shit. I put up with it a bit when younger, mainly because society still kind of makes us women think we have to and because I wanted children. But now that time is over I find I'd rather be celibate than bother having bad-to-mediocre sex with a low-effort lazybones.

You can be perfectly happy liking whatever you like
I've probably ruined most of my life being obsessed with sex 😞

I don't get coffee, it seems a big thing for most people

Just be happy being you, I'm sure you is wonderful x

As others have said totally ok to like what you like. .Everyone is entitled to their own preferences.
It makes total sense to me that an autistic person could experience the sensory side of sex in either a hyper or hypo way.