I find sex….gross

[Soubriquet]

It’s odd I know. I’m 36 years old and still using the word gross but I do find sex to be really ugh. I do have autism so that probably doesn’t help, but I just don’t like the stickiness and the wetness.

On top of that, I haven’t had proper sex in years due to cervical pain when I’m having intercourse (yes I’ve contacted the doctor. I’m currently booked in). I don’t get turned on easily, and when I do, I tend to find a couple of minutes of rubbing my clitoris through my knickers better. I can’t bring myself to insert my fingers. It…feels unnecessary and yeah gross.

Im weird aren’t I? This isn’t normal is it?

There are more sex repulsed asexual people than we think. You don't have to enjoy sex, and it doesn't make you wrongly wired to not enjoy it.

I do know what you mean OP. I have a sex drive, I'm definitely not asexual. But at the same time I want to just do the deed with the least fuss and mess possible! As you can imagine, most men aren't really into that 😂

When I was younger I did things I didn't really want to do to appear "normal" (still nothing outrageous though) and to keep partners relatively happy. But I'm done with it now.

I don't want to see a penis every again! In fact the mere thought of it makes me feel a bit sick.

I feel like this but I’m not autistic.

Yes I am a woman but I’m starting to get worried that my body isn’t normal now

Meant to add this to my last post, oops:

Sex repulsed asexuality

Did they never show you diagrams of the vulva in school? Sex ed/biology? If it looks roughly like that i’m sure you’re grand

And even if it doesn’t look like that it sounds like it’s working fine, so also grand

I’m quite old so the clitoris was never mentioned in school sex ed! Sadly.

Erm

This may be outing

Mine isn't. I'm almost sure of it.

Google is a wonderful creation you know

@Itsnotwhatitseemslike

this is your clitoris. Not inside you

Yes I am attracted to my husband. I love him. I don’t get aroused easily though so sex for me is moot. He’s….i wouldn’t say ok, as he does wish we had a more sexual lifestyle, but he does understand and has accepted it

This.

Some autistic people see sex as a mechanical act. It sounds like you may be like this OP.

I guess it all comes down to whether you think going inside the labia counts as “inside you” which to me it is … strange that so many people define it differently but I suppose it isn’t something I tend to discuss in real life.

Diagnosed autistic here .
I think the trick is to not think about it .
I can talk myself out of anything by overthinking
That and being drunk seems to help
But of a downside to being married really , didn't think that one through

I think if i thought about the act of sex in purely descriptive physical terms I’d never do it again.

So hang on… you want me to take my clothes off? All of them? And open my legs and let a grunting man put his.. what? His erect penis? IN me? And then thrust it in and out for a while? And then… Oh God… squirt stuff out of it actual into me?

no no no no no.

And yet obviously in reality it’s heaven.

I guess the key is not to overthink it, and just do what comes naturally. If what you desire is not that, but is in fact masturbation or nothing at all, then that’s fine. You do you, and do what makes you happy. Plenty of people don’t like what I like. Plenty of people like niche things. As long as it’s legal it’s fine.

I think sex can be gross if you’re not turned on, once you’re turned on it’s different. In no conversations about masturbation has anyone talked about putting their fingers in, and I know from conversations about being ‘fingered’ when younger that this is not a lot of people’s preference, in fact I’ve only ever heard it talked about negatively, so that’s definitely not weird. Think about what you’d like, what turns you on and then hopefully you can start enjoying it.

I never masturbate by going inside. I rub the clitoris from the outside.

What was sex like when you first met your partner? The same?

But the rest of it is inside. All 4 inches of it.

I think for me the idea of sex is much better than the reality, but that’s more than likely because penetration is very painful for me due to endometriosis, so I have a lot of anxiety and frustration (because I am very limited in what I can do without pain) around sex. I used to enjoy it a lot when I was younger as it wasn’t painful.

For me it’s a love thing, or a like a lot thing. I definitely feel repulsed by the idea of sex with someone who I don’t like, don’t love, don’t respect. Yuck.

of course you can masturbate without going inside !
And that's not a sentence I thought I would ever type on MN.

I’ve already explained that it is just a difference in how we are defining “inside”… jeez. Just forget it now!

Helpful.

op lots of people feel this way or similar ways. But talking about it isn’t common and also society paints sex as a particular way when in reality it isn’t necethink a lot comes down to sensory issues - were you late diagnosed?

I know exactly what you mean @Itsnotwhatitseemslike; the bit most people refer to as the clitoris is the clitoris glans which is on the outside, however it is actually a much bigger organ that very little is actually known about (probably because most medical research has historically been carried out by men so they don’t give a shit about female anatomy).

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulb_of_vestibule

Do you perhaps mean the G spot?

I don't think you're as unusual as you think you are, OP. I understand a lot of what you're saying.

DH do and I have sex and I enjoy it very much. But I absolutely hate him ejaculating in me and the sensation of that, changing the bedsheets afterwards etc. I have to shower afterwards as I could not finish having sex and then just roll over and go to sleep. I would find that unbearably gross (to me.) So despite me having a coil and him having a vasectomy we still use condoms the majority of the time. The only time we didn't use them regularly was when trying to conceive our DDs!

I also don't put my fingers inside myself when masturbating and prefer clitoral stimulation through my underwear as I find the friction better. It does not mean you are asexual or that there is anything wrong with you.

Everyone is different and finds different things pleasant or unpleasant....and that's ok.