Potentially life changing inheritance - wwyd?

[NotThatWise]

First time poster, apologies if I missed info or added too much detail.

I have recently inherited my childhood home, owned for 40 years, we are the only people to have ever owned it. House is mortgage free.

I’ll try and layout the facts, and I’m interested to know what other people would do in this situation. What would your future look like?

Childhood home value £350k
My home value £325k, £100k left on mortgage
Both houses are the same size in the same town.
DH (47) and I (43) plus 2 children (8 &12).

This

They say that you shouldn't make major decisions after being bereaved and I think moving to a new area is too big a decision to do in a rush so I think that you should:

Decide (with your partner) whether you would rather live in your original house or your childhood home for now;

Sell the house you are not living in and put the money into safe investments - bank accounts/bonds/premium bonds (remembering only 85K is guaranteed in any particular bank against bank failure);

Take your time to consider whether you want to move to a larger house in your original area or a new area. Keep in mind that moving house is stressful and even more so if moving children from their friends and schools.

I wouldn't move my children from their friends and schools but they are happy and our area is ok. Are your children not very happy in their area/school? Is your area not very nice?

I'd sell the inherited house first, use some towards paying off your mortgage and save the rest.

Then have a few months free of thinking about paying mortgages, selling houses etc. Just think about what you all want.

Then when you are feeling more sure, you'll have the saved money from the inherited house sale, plus your house sale money to put towards whatever new life you want 🙂

My thinking is that my parents would want me to secure my future and the future of my children. They have worked there whole life to leave me something. They absolutely wouldn't want H getting their money in event of a divorce. They have actually left him his a small inheritance but my inheritance is meant solely for me. Realistically, 1/2 of marriages end in divorce and these things need to be considered.

Would people completely up sticks and relocate for a different way of life?

I mean, that is going to be so personal to your situation.
I wouldn't no. I have so many communities here, where I live. At your age, I had a relatively good life balance in a job I liked and found very rewarding. DH really enjoyed what he did for work. Our dc were in good schools and wraparound care was sorted. They were established in the things they did (Scouts, swimming, drama, football etc) and we were in our hobbies and volunteering.
But presumably you and your dh aren't as happy in your jobs and established and interlinked in hobbies or communities from the rest of your life, or you wouldn't be thinking about it. Some friends of ours did 2 years ago - upped sticks and left our big City to live a long way away, by the coast. So far they are absolutely loving it. But I was talking to someone last week, who moved a few hundred miles in the other direction (again to the coast as it happens), and, after the initial few months of feeling like they were on holiday, they've realised all the drawbacks of being somewhere so remote and are now actively trying to return to the City.
Everyone is different.

Same.

Maybe sell both having read your updates. Buy a family home in a different location if that’s what you want to do. A smaller place to rent out would be wise if you need the income.

Dépends, i wouldn't move to anywhere else because were settled here and have everything we need. Are you?

If you are squeezed into your house I would sell both and buy something bigger.

Don't be fooled into thinking mortgage free will be east though. We have a very very very small mortgage but we are by no means rich!

Do what you think will make you happiest. What are your main concerns? Why does DH want to move away?

No tax at all to pay @wishiwasjoking
As long as you don’t hang on to it for ages OP

Thank you everyone. Some really valid points that I hadn’t thought of. And some great ideas.
DH and I have been together 25 years but I’m a realist, so I’ve taken on board the advice.
I have been in my job over 20 years and would love a change, and I can work fully remote. DH was a SAHD for 10 years when DC were younger so now tops up the pot with jobs he likes.
Their current schools are excellent but they are both happy to completely relocate. They have lots of clubs and friends but are still up for a move.
Our daily life is fast, busy, rushed and we don’t even get to eat a meal together except Xmas day!
The area we live is supposed to be very good but there’s a lot of antisocial behaviour, crime, and we are packed like sardines into housing estates where our view is someone else’s house from every window!
I think it’s the complete overhaul of our life that DH wants, but I’m nervous - as many have said making life changing decisions when deep in grief is not recommended - this is my worry.
I really do appreciate all the time people are taking to share their view - I am reading all of them x

Yes I agree, my parents would feel the same and so would I in regards to anything I leave my children.

You could stick both on the market and see what interest you get.

Are we allowed to do that?! I’ve only ever bought one house, 18 years ago, and we offered asking price on day 1 of it being on the market - I have no idea how buying and selling houses works!

OK you might not like what I am about to say but I think it bears considering.

Your husband sounds quite selfish.

He hasnt worked except in "jobs he likes", well lucky him! And as soon as you inherit his first thought is "great, I can get the life I want!" without giving any thought about how that might affect you. He seems to be a bit of a passenger, relying on other people to provide a nice life for him. Obviously I am not talking about being a SAHD but since he went back to work, what is stopping him from studying to get a career? its not too late, many people do it.

I would suggest a sit down conversation along the lines of "This is my inheritance and I want to make sure it is protected for the kids, I wont be making any major decisions on what to do with it in the near future so please stop coming up with plans on how to spend it. I am nowhere near coming to terms with losing my parents so planning on how to spend their money is cruel and hurtful."

Its your house you can do whatever you like! There is no "allowed" when it comes to selling your own property.

Completely not the point, but you NEVER eat together except on Christmas Day? Why not?

OP, I’m sorry for your loss. It might be a good time now to start speaking to a therapist. They will be able to help you process your grief as well as helping you get to the heart of what you want to do next.

I started seeing a therapist (over zoom) two years after I lost my dad, I wish it had been sooner. I made many good life decisions afterwards, helped by the therapy I’d received.

Wishing you the best of luck x

There's some confusion and incorrect information on this thread about CGT (capital gains tax)

Any CGT on the inherited property would only be on the amount it goes up in value between inheriting it and selling it.

Any CGT on the other house would only be for times it wasn't lived in as the main residence.

I can see how it comes across that way, but he gave up his job prospects in his 20s so I could chase my dreams. He did everything for the house and 3 kids and all I did was work, and I now earn enough for us to be comfortable so he earns “top up money” for treats and doesn’t have to stay in a job he hates. We aren’t rich by any means, we holiday in the UK and our cars are 15 years old.
but I appreciate the care you have put into your words x

What about her children ?

What do you mean?

Thank you, I think I need to do this. I’m less than 5 months in but everything is so heavy, and the weight of the inheritance decision is affecting me daily. My fathers death was also quite traumatic for me (only child, completely unexpected, mother not around, finding him passed at my “childhood home” and then having to deal with everything that follows without any guidance) and it’s quite overwhelming.
But it’s nice to hear that therapy helped you, it’s nice to know there is some possibility of light x

Gosh your story sounds so interesting OP I want to know what you do for a living!

We had this.
We moved into the bigger house snd are renting out our house. The rent pays the mortgage and more and we're building up savings for the first time. It has given us a better quality of life and she always said she would set us up for life. We're very grateful

A combination of busy lives, different working patterns, after school clubs, plus the fact that we are so squished in our house that our “dining room table” (a drop leaf mdf table) is shoved in a corner covered in Lego and homework and spellings. My dream is a big kitchen/diner and everyone sitting at the table chatting about their day instead of sitting in corners on their devices x