When is it okay to hold baby in the air? Told off at baby playgroup

[GuiltyGiraffe]

Hi, feeling very guilty and wondering if I've accidentally caused some damage to my baby!

My baby is 4 months old and we have been going to a baby group for the past few weeks. This morning we were there and I was holding my baby above my head and lifting her up and down. She thinks it's great fun and smiles the whole time.

One of the women who runs the playgroup told me to stop and that my baby was too little for that. This was in front of everyone and it was very embarrassing. Think I turned quite red! And now I feel guilty that I may have been damaging her neck?

I've only started doing it the past week or so. Definitely not when she was a floppy newborn. She has good neck control and holds her own head up. To be clear, I'm not throwing her in the air, like some people do with older babies! She never leaves my hands and it's a slow and controlled up and down.

Is this really bad?

@alondra Nothing the OP has said suggests free fall.

OP sounds perfectly safe and baby enjoys it. Hopefully hasn't put you off attending baby group.

Sorry OP, but are you really this unsure of yourself and your mothering skills?
Trust yourself and your judgement for your baby!

Thank you, I do need to trust myself more. I don't really have any baby experience, apart from the reading I did when I was pregnant. I'm 21 and none of my friends have babies so I don't have a lot people to ask for advice.

OP you poor thing. Whilst I would love to have the confidence of some posters, at 4 months postpartum I would have been doubting myself just like you having some cow tell me off like that in a public space. And I'm in my 30s! She sounds awful and I'm sure there are other groups around. Ask your HV or check the local library or council website, as well as Facebook and the likes.

YANBU you know your own child and each one is different.

mine had very good head control then and was strong so I didn’t always support the neck.

i don’t think that woman should have humiliated you and ruined a special moment. I’d be tempted to bin the group off or if you’re happy with mild conflict- go and if she says something tell her that you’re the parent and she’d do well to keep her thoughts to herself, especially when they aren’t evidence based.

i think part of being a new parent is finding your voice and realising that you’re in charge!

Make sure you do it next time you're there while staring at the twat.

I would just say, dh was doing this to ds once and ds was sick in dh's mouth... quite a lot! It's hilarious looking back now ds is 28 and 6'3'' but dh didn't find it as funny as I did at the time 😂

Several of us have found this out the hard way they

Jeez some people are on some power trips! Both my son's loved this, my youngest started doing the cutest giggle when I did it! You've done nothing wrong!!

I’d feel the same as you

we flung ours around a ridiculous amount, they loved it. Apparently it’s good for their development …. Although I can’t remember where I read that

It probably relates to semantics, but lifting and down a baby at 4 months old is still a bit of a risk. Babies at this stage control their heads but is not the best idea to lift them up and down. Wait another month, and won't be a problem

Urgh, welcome to interfering twats and mum guilt. Do what is right for your child. I went doen a rabbit hole of social media recommendations with my new born (10 years ago) and ended up a nervous wreck. Trust your own instinct and try not to feel guilt that others try and impose on you. Recommendations are fine but people like to impose rules on other parents. You don't have to listen to them.

Please, I used to tell DS (he was, of course, 100% aware of what I was saying! ) that I was using him as a convenient replacement for weights as I didn't have time for exercise because of him!

it's totally fine - assuming, obviously, your baby has sufficient neck control etc.

Och she can boil her head

we had a similar busybody who ran the playgroup round here when my kids were tiny. Best just ignored

Been chucking my son around since that age he loves that sort of thing. Don’t return to the baby group and give her a shit review on Google.

My grandson loved being a helicopter at that age.

As long as they've got the muscle tone to support the head etc they're fine.

Babies are quite good at getting their displeasure across, and it's not normally with smiles and giggles.

Bless you op I really feel for you, what a rude busybody! Try not to take it personally and just go with your gut instinct, also I promise your confidence will gradually grow and you know your baby best. I was 9 years older than you when I had dc and was a mess for the first few months, worrying and second guessing everything, took ages to build my confidence. Really doesn't help and sets you back when people like that poke their noses in or come across like they're an authority on these things when they're not.

I would have reacted exactly the same as you when I had dd, but now with the benefit of hindsight I'd probably turn round and ask if the woman could reference medical sources or studies to back up what she's saying! Not in a snarky way but in a very calm, interested way and see if she can actually reference any medical evidence!

She sounds like a self important twat. I'm glad you are taking no notice. I loathe people who set themselves up as experts on subjects they know very little about.

I once got reprimanded for feeding my (fully weaned) baby some mashed potato and gravy off my plate because 'he might choke' FFS. I can still envisage the woman's superior smirk.

Please do go back to the group. Go a bit early and have a word with the coordinator about the telling off.
Its not so much for yourself ( hopefully you have been assured by the responses to this threat that your baby is fine ) but for the onlookers who might have been scared to do the same with their own baby . As a PP has pointed out physical play is vital for babies development and should be encouraged rather than undermined.
My best advice to you as a young Mum is ........ Listen to advice but you are under no obligation to act upon it.😊

the playgroup woman is batshit crazy.