When is it okay to hold baby in the air? Told off at baby playgroup

[GuiltyGiraffe]

Hi, feeling very guilty and wondering if I've accidentally caused some damage to my baby!

My baby is 4 months old and we have been going to a baby group for the past few weeks. This morning we were there and I was holding my baby above my head and lifting her up and down. She thinks it's great fun and smiles the whole time.

One of the women who runs the playgroup told me to stop and that my baby was too little for that. This was in front of everyone and it was very embarrassing. Think I turned quite red! And now I feel guilty that I may have been damaging her neck?

I've only started doing it the past week or so. Definitely not when she was a floppy newborn. She has good neck control and holds her own head up. To be clear, I'm not throwing her in the air, like some people do with older babies! She never leaves my hands and it's a slow and controlled up and down.

Is this really bad?

Keep going. I'll bet she'll start annoying more and more mums.

I thought all babies liked that! She’s no fun.
My favourite was “drop the baby” which obviously doesn’t involve being dropped but could invoke giggles and smiling at even the words being said.. I’d have been banned from your playgroup..

You should definitely trust yourself, but...

We all take time to build that confidence, it's hard with a young baby and normal to feel unsure. You'll get there

Second guessing can be good if it helps you find the right way for you and your baby - I did stuff with first baby that later I second guessed and changed approch. Again, it takes time to find your feet and know their personalities!

And ..You don't need to defend yourself or reply at all if it makes you uncomfortable. Sometimes I do/did reply if someone offers random advice, but sometimes I just ignore and avoid. You don't owe her (or us) an explanation or an answer.

Yes - I held my friend's 8 week old and FREAKED OUT about how much head support she needed. I checked back and there were videos of my son with his head upright, pushing with his legs to "stand" at that age. I had supported his head as a baby, but he never needed that much support (friend's baby girl learned to crawl at the same age as my son).

If you've raised a few babies, then you've raised those few babies, that's it. Doesn't make you an expert on other people's babies.

What a stupid cow! What on earth is she talking about? In my experience there is a certain kind of older woman who loves to pick on young mums in order to make themselves feel superior (i had it with midwives/health visitors as a first time mum) - they'd never try it with someone similar to their own age as they know they'd be given short shrift. I'd have gone mad if she'd said that to me, and I'd have stuck up for you if I'd been there. Grrrr.

Some volunteers at baby groups are awful- you did nothing wrong.

I remember getting told off as my toddler was chewing a toothbrush (it was new and ours), I left and never went back.

Definitely not! I went to baby yoga with all of mine and they were bounced, swung and lifted all ways lol it is good for their vestibular system, as long as it’s done safely, it’s fine! They all used to giggle their wee heads off ❤️

Unless you were throwing her up like a hacky sack and playing catch 1 handed with her, it was perfectly fine 😂

Oh no, I hope your daughter was okay!

I wasn't holding her by her arms. It was under her arms with my hands kind of underneath on her chest to support her.

That is good to know for the future though!

A woman like that told me giving DS humous would "sicken him" and retched to show me what could happen. I pissed myself laughing. These daft idiots always telling us what to do - I cannot imagine the boredom of their lives.

I’ve seen videos of that happening! You only ever do that once!

OP - parents have this innate ability to know what their child can handle. If your baby was sturdy enough to lift up then you were fine. I find it extraordinary that other people think to comment on these things! My baby was crawling at 6 months in the dot so I am sure at 4 months she was pretty darn robust!

Don't let it stop you going back. I'm sure the other mums thought she was ridiculous and overstepping, too

That’s mortifying! How rude and interfering of her. I’m sorry she embarrassed you like that. What you’re doing is fine

People just love interfering.
A woman in a cafe tried to tell my sister that my niece was too young for a highchair.
Her own baby.
Who used a highchair every day and had done for a couple of months.

Mortifying is the word! She was quite stern and it did make me feel like a child being told off. She even wagged her finger at me!

To be fair it isn’t the most batshit thing I have ever heard. That accolade went to the silky girl who actively prevented her baby from crawling ‘as he just wasn’t ready’ and ‘I’m worried he will hurt his knees’

Bollocks to her.

I used to take DD to baby massage younger than that and part of it was picking her up by her ankles! (it did take me a few weeks to be brave enough!)

Dopey woman would have probably expired on the spot if she'd seen that!

My baby group has a song with actions that you put them up in the air 🤣

Probably worried that if anything was to happen,they would be liable. Try not to take it to heart. She shouldn't have made you feel embarrassed though 😕

Most babies at 4 months are able to control their heads mostly, but frankly I wouldn't be lifting up and down my child free fall at this stage.

My MIL thought that it was horrific that my child was in a forward facing baby sling with full neck support ‘at such a young age’.

i pointed out it was the exact same position she had been in for the previous 9 months, only then she had been upside down. She shut up then.

What do you mean by free fall?

@guiltygiraffe
Thank you. She was fine and the nurse at urgent care was fab and said that once he'd popped it back in she'd be fine, which she has been. But I do think about it every time I see very little children being swung by the arms or hands!

What a horrible woman. You’d know if your baby was unhappy. Find a new playgroup 💐

I do this all the time with my baby, he loves it, the woman is insane. If you're making friends with the other mums could you go and just ignore insane woman? X