When is it okay to hold baby in the air? Told off at baby playgroup

[GuiltyGiraffe]

Hi, feeling very guilty and wondering if I've accidentally caused some damage to my baby!

My baby is 4 months old and we have been going to a baby group for the past few weeks. This morning we were there and I was holding my baby above my head and lifting her up and down. She thinks it's great fun and smiles the whole time.

One of the women who runs the playgroup told me to stop and that my baby was too little for that. This was in front of everyone and it was very embarrassing. Think I turned quite red! And now I feel guilty that I may have been damaging her neck?

I've only started doing it the past week or so. Definitely not when she was a floppy newborn. She has good neck control and holds her own head up. To be clear, I'm not throwing her in the air, like some people do with older babies! She never leaves my hands and it's a slow and controlled up and down.

Is this really bad?

It sounds fine - I used to pretend to use my baby as a dumbell and she thought it was hilarious. Even more when she became a squat weight when older.

This winds me up.

It made you feel bad but hopefully you've been reassured by this thread. But another parent this sort of thing could really push them over the edge.

If you've got the energy I would really encourage you to make a complaint. There might not be anyone to complain to if it's just run by other parent volunteers, but if it's organised by a church, charity etc I would say something further.

People shouldn't be publicly shaming other parents, particularly when they haven't even got a point in the first place.

Hope you're ok op.

@GuiltyGiraffe I've been to baby groups where that is one of the exercises with babies, from about 3 months onwards as long as they can support own head. This person sounds inexperienced and very unprofessional to
approach you in this way in front of other mothers, bearing in mind how some new mums have quite fragile mental health with all the hormones going on. I think you should complain about the way this person approached the situation.

I used to play a game with mine that I called "baby in the elevator" lifting them a little bit higher each time and counting and ending with lifting them high up over my head. The smile and giggles were wonderful. This woman is a ridiculous kill joy.

It’s fine, that woman is batshit. Just watch out though, my BIL was holding his DS in the air, looking up at him and laughing. Unfortunately the DC was sick and it fell into BIL’s mouth. 🤮

OMG who does she think she is feeling she has the right to dictate how mothers interact with their own babies! And infront of other mothers, so unfair. Hope your doing OK after that encounter. So unprofessional of her, so many mothers have anxiety and her words could be so triggering and damaging she should know better.

My 13 week old loves being held up and gently bounced/swayed he laughs and giggles all the time. I would never think twice about it , once he's happy , I'm happy.

She needs to pull her nose would definitely be complaining as thankfully you can deal with it but for some mothers they might not deal with that situation so well!

Thank you. I am very reassured by the thread, it sounds like it's a normal thing to be doing at this age. I was spiralling a little trying to Google if I might have injured her by doing this but I could only find information about actually throwing them in the air.

Feeling a lot better now! I'm not sure who I would make a complaint to and I'm not sure I want to go back and be around the other mums now 😅 I really felt like I was making friends with a couple of them too.

The woman was wrong but it's interesting that you instantly doubted yourself because of what some random person said. Just because she helps run a playgroup doesn't mean she's any more qualified to decide how to look after a baby than you.

Find a new playgroup and work on saying, "Thank you, but if I need advice, I will ask for it!" and being confident that you know your baby best.

Hopefully there is another group you can go to instead, I wouldn't much fancy going back either

Thanks, definitely need to work on standing up for myself. It's my first baby and I'm constantly second-guessing everything I'm doing with her haha

Was it "zoom zoom zoom we're going to the moon"?
My kids loved that

I was going to say. Isn't there a Baby Yoga thing where they do all manner of things with baby as the 'weight'?

Pretty sure the (unintentionally) hilarious Hilaria Baldwin was one of the first ones posting on her YouTube.

Oh that's so weird! Absolutely fine to do that

It's hard being a new mum. There is so much conflicting information out there and pretty much anything you do will be wrong according to someone! I echo everything already said, what you were doing seems absolutely fine.

There is ALWAYS someone with an opinion.

At 4 months, with head support she will be fine

Enjoy her !

Next time just eye roll (internally or externally)

Mum's instinct is a thing !

The thing is, no-one is a parenting expert. Even someone with 8 kids is parenting their 8th child for the first time. Obviously, there are qualified experts in certain fields. Parents should be aware of safety standards. I'm not suggesting it's OK to ignore medical advice, and drive around with them loose on the back seat because "Mummy knows best." That doesn't mean you need to listen to every bossy boots who thinks they should stick their oar in.

Thats absolutely fine to do! I took dd to a baby gym type class from maybe 8 weeks onwards and I’m sure there was that type of move certainly for when 3 months plus and still plenty of swinging type moves for younger. Dd hated all of it 🤣 but I’m sure if your baby is happy then she’s fine! How horrible of the leader to say that and undermine your confidence.

Glad you don't seem too upset by it OP.

The woman really shouldn't be berating a new mum like that. I had post natal depression and something like that would have really upset me.

Go back, and keep doing it. And if she says anything again, loudly tell her to keep her opinions to herself and that your baby is fine.

Yes. Your life and the baby phase are too short to be ruined by this kind of person. Find a group with people who support you. Enjoy your baby smiles

What exactly are this busy bodies qualifications?

@GuiltyGiraffe were you doing it by her arms? Their arms are very vulnerable when they are young (until age 5 or 6). I know this as my husband lifted our daughter over the cat by her arms and, after a wait at urgent care, found out that she had pulled elbow. Apparently it's really common when parents swing their child between them by the arms etc - I had no idea before and my husband felt super guilty!

www.barnsleyhospital.nhs.uk/services/a-and-e/pulled-elbow

Oh please don't leave the group if you got on with some of the women there!

You know you are right and that your baby is fine so hold YOUR head high and just smile and don't engage with the parenting expert.

I was a childminder and I do miss all the lovely things that made babies smile.☺️

Don’t let her put you off going back if you were enjoying it and making friends. There’s an unbearable know-it-all at every baby group. You have to just roll your eyes and ignore.

As I gained experience and confidence as a new mum, I gradually realised a couple of the playgroup leads spoke a load of shit about babies and toddlers. I was given some really bad advice which could have been quite worrying had I not been switched on Googling how to do everything.