Men who need a relationship for somewhere to live

[Gentlefriend]

I seem to know a few of these, perfectly pleasant attractive men who "need" to move quickly into a new realtionship when one fails, so as to have somewhere to live.

It can't be a very satisfactory way to live and I guess I should feel some sympathy for men who lose their home when a realtionship fails, what I don't understand is why the women are so keen to have them.

I can name 4 women from my own circle, with good careers, financial independence and their own home, who have a men living with them very early in the realtionship because otherwise he's homeless or living in the "spare room" with his ex. Sometimes they're even moving him in when they have DC at home, within a matter of weeks.

These women have everything going for them and the men don't, so why is the pattern seen so much?

Love bombing. Nobody loves you more than somebody who needs a place to live.

Because women are taught to take responsibility for other people practicalyl from the moment we are born, and because we are taught that we should prioritise everyone else's comfort, and because these men are master manipulators who have an astonishing ability to make out that the woman is selfish and mean if she does not let him move in.

I am sure many of these men have to try a few women before they find one who will accept it. I remember being surprised when SIL let (now ex)BIL move in with her so early because he had nowhere else to go, his ex had screwed him financially etc. But then, same SIL has had other members of her family completely and totally abuse her good nature and her home to a level that I find mindblowing so I realise now she'd been programmed from day 1 practically.

Ah, the well known hobosexual.

The mumsnet term is 'cocklodger'.

We should all thank those women they’ve taken them out of the dating pool!

Quite! This reminds me of that CLASSIC thread from last year-I'll have to find it. It was frustrating but so so hilarious-about the fella who moved in with a woman and wanted her to rehome her dog

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4929335-how-can-my-brother-salvage-this-situation?page=11&reply=130257649

Ask them op.

I have no idea why so so many women are so desperate for a relationship that they do this. Social conditioning that you need to be in a relationship? It's really sad, and I will be making damn sure my daughters know their own value.

I remember that thread. I felt sorry for her actually by the end. She got such a pasting. But I think it's a really interesting example of how these women are trained to accept rubbish from men. It's like the time exBIL gave me a whole story about somethign and it was all from his perspective so obviously he was being portrayed, to his mind, as in the right etc.... and I kept thinking, "you total plonker!?" but he'd told SIl the same story and she was 100% on his side, ditto MIL.

@murasaki

🤣

I don't think it's always desperation to be in a relationship. Often I think its inability to forge ahead with what you want in the face of someone else's need

As another poster says, many many people women have been socialised from birth to be so responsive to other people's needs, especially men's, that they don't even realise they're doing it.

It astonishes me.

My ex, my son’s dad, has been in an on and off relationship with a woman for years. He has moved into her house, and been kicked out, 8 times.

8 times she has booted him out for poor behaviour and each time she has taken him back. She is a professional, well off and well respected woman. He plays the whole ‘poor homeless me card’ and she hands him back the house keys.

He is a lazy, cheating arsehole.

I honestly think she is completely bat shit.

I can't be the only one that wonders what happened to the poor lamb who was forced to move into a house with a dog that he hated.

I love the term hobosexual.

This thread had me in stitches! Thankyou for sharing!

I had one of these. He is the only man I’ve lived with who made me tea every morning and swept the floors, cleaned the house while I was out, made me cheese on toast and a cup of tea without being asked. Very affectionate and validating and always cheering me on.
also, like a kitten suddenly when asked to leave. Very very very very very hard to get rid of him. his current woman has a nicer house than me!

Just read some of this - it is indeed a classic of the cocklodging genre!

It also shows how some ( actually a lot ) women think it’s women’s role to look after men.

That is absolutely priceless. No idea how she could type that op out with a straight face. But it's an answer for the op - some people believe that a woman's only purpose is to serve men.

Tbh I think there are many many couples staying together purely because they have no where to live otherwise too

My sister is like this. I love her dearly but fucking hell. She is unable to be on her own and I think that's a lot of it. One relationship ends, the next one follows very quickly after and he quickly moves in (usually with a dramatic tale of how crazy his ex was) and inevitably a new kid on the way a few months later and then these guys let their true colours show, she gets rid and the process starts again.

Thankfully she seems to have broken the cycle and has been in a solid relationship which is actually good for her, and a genuine partnership, for several years now. With a woman, so thankfully no more kids with feckless fathers being brought into the mix either! Her kids are all girls too (probably part of the reason the dads haven't stuck around, they all wanted sons!) but it's a concern that they will grow up believing this is what is acceptable in a relationship.

I know alot of men and women that are like this.
But some men now ive seen have there own places and rather be single.
My son lived on his own before he met his partner they are planing there wedding for next year his husband to be was living on his own before they met.
Ive seen some women move men in in such a small amount of time and some women do this because they want more money or help with kids.

Ah yes... and they always seem to have exes that are crazy, made their life a misery and no way do you ever want to see them in the street, or talk them... oooh no no no they are horrible and how fortunate that YOU aren't like that.

it is cheaper in a couple

To those who've responded about the thread I linked, yes it is a CLASSIC example of some women believing that they are here to serve men. What was interesting about it as well was she said 'I don't want him moving back in here!' so her (and her Mum perhaps-maybe even also her Dad?) were fed up of taking care of this useless bloke,but fully expected the girlfriend to take him on.
Outrageous for him to expect her to take on his children and get rid of her dog while he's behaving like a useless lump, too. It both drove me nuts and made me laugh in equal measures!

I get what you are saying, really.
A woman here, married, no kids, but being single before was far the best life ever.
One day, it will be again.
Hm. Was responding to your first one.
👍

Alot of men are giving up with women and relationships because they can not do wrong the right way.
So pleased my sons gay.