Men who need a relationship for somewhere to live

[Gentlefriend]

I seem to know a few of these, perfectly pleasant attractive men who "need" to move quickly into a new realtionship when one fails, so as to have somewhere to live.

It can't be a very satisfactory way to live and I guess I should feel some sympathy for men who lose their home when a realtionship fails, what I don't understand is why the women are so keen to have them.

I can name 4 women from my own circle, with good careers, financial independence and their own home, who have a men living with them very early in the realtionship because otherwise he's homeless or living in the "spare room" with his ex. Sometimes they're even moving him in when they have DC at home, within a matter of weeks.

These women have everything going for them and the men don't, so why is the pattern seen so much?

This is also an eye opener for me! I wonder if there’s a cocklodgernet page on the internet where they all get together and discuss how vulnerable various women are?!

There is definitely something with men not having a home of their own unless a woman is on the scene.

I had an ex BF. He wasn’t a sponger at all. He was divorced, but he only bought a place when his oldest DC was 12!

he was in a highly paid job, but rented places before moving in with his widowed dad.

It was like he couldn’t contemplate living alone …or was holding on until he found a replacement wife to buy a house for/with?

Oh it’s in all social classes. I know a man who is incredibly posh ‘old money’ ( aka no money) who flits between fragrant posh rich divorcees with lovely homes.

And lots of men who should be in perfectly stable financial situations, but prefer to sponge and save their cash

I've lived with 2 men in my life and, while it seems to be frowned upon on here, both paid "rent". MN as a whole is very much of the mind anyone moving in should pay half the bills only and you shouldn't "profit" from a partner. Then at the same time on another thread, will deem a man a cocklodger for doing exactly that. So it's a mixed message.

As to why they even want to live with a man. Well it's company isn't it. I'm long term happily single now. But when my relationships were good, I enjoyed having someone to come home too or welcome home, spend my evenings with etc. I'm too old and grumpy now to want someone around! But I can still see why others would like it.

Nope no chance!
At an age now if H disappeared in a puff of air would possibly think about a bit of fun company from time to time but they would never have a key and would take whatever they brought with them home again,.

I would also expect somewhere to visit that was more than passable and would never become anyone's next of kin or recouperation nurse, that would be for them, their family, long term friends or their wallet to sort out.

Not a fucking chance in hell

I have no answer, but honestly couldn't think of anything worse!! Especially when children are involved. Why would you want random men dossing at your house where your children live. Ummm no. Some People can not be alone. It's a sad fact. Which again IL never understand! Nothing better than your own company sometimes. Just hell no!

This isn't a dig at anyone at all... but I will say that it's very easy from the comfort of a relationship to say (If I found myself single, I would never....)

I was the same and would have said the same when I was in a long marriage. Then suddenly found myself single and it was far lonelier than I expected, the nights can feel very long once the kids are in bed, especially if they're of an age where you cannot go out and leave them to their own devices.

That said, my home is my sanctuary and I cannot imagine a man moving in here. That's a hard line for me.

@bananascentedhair

but isn’t it easier if you have kids? Of any age?

Our kids are teens, will be young adults, and whilst I would happily pay my way for what I wanted to do I wouldn’t fund another male’s housing, energy ir food bills (I am not talking staying over and having dinner here and there) I mean actual living costs or put myself into any situation that was difficult to get them out and stay out of this house because everything I have as far as I am concerned will only ever now be for the kids.

And anyone who tried to take anything off them and didn’t understand or accept this position could fuck right off and then fuck off some more.

But that’s just me. And I do know this. And this won’t change.

Isnt what easier @frozendaisy ? Sorry I don't understand your question (genuinely not being sarcastic 😊)

Totally with you on the point that everything I have is my children's and no one is taking that away from them.

The point I was making is that often on threads like this, people who are in a relationship say things like "If I ever found myself single, I'd say that way/never live with anyone else again".

But the reality is, it can be lonely being single, and if you have childcare responsibilities you may find you have a home and you're at home a lot more, and therefore a prime target for some of these Cocklodgers! Whilst not personally wanting to move a man into mine and my children's home, I can see how this could quite easily play out in certain situations.

Nobody falls in love more quickly than a man with nowhere to live 🙂

I dated a man who still lived at home and didn't drive, once. What a mistake that was! When we inevitably ended, we decided to try remain friends. I asked him once after we'd ended, what his plan was housing-wise and he said "Well when I meet someone new, I'll move in with her" 😳

This is known as a “hobosexual”

@Comedycook Pardon? You believe this only happens in social housing?!?!? Hahaha oh dear..... I'm afraid this happens in all classes of society just on differing levels.

Not quite...I'm saying that for able bodied single men it is pretty much impossible to get social housing nowadays so they are more likely to use women as a fallback...

They're easily charmed or just like a challenge.

The woman is usually letting him use her because the guy is realistically too good looking for her and she knows it. She promotes her home and her career as her selling points which only attracts men interested in sugarmommying and cocklodging.
Like this woman I know she dated a horrid guy for 4 years that her child didn't like just because he looked good and was good in bed. She knew she didn't want to move in with a man anyway as she had a council flat in a great area and realistically men with the equivalent property wouldn't be dating her anyway. She also liked having another adult in the property who might help with cooking or running the odd chore or babysit.

I'm single, have my own home and my kids are all adults. I was supremely unpopular with men when I was younger - I'm plain and wasn't particularly successful, and men did not flock to my door. However, now I am a home owner it seems they can turn a blind eye to my unattractiveness and, in my sixties, I have never been such a man-magnet.

I can see the light bulb over their heads that pops up when they know my circumstances, and the little light in their eyes that says 'single, house, likes cooking, obviously sex-starved... I'm IN there!'

They are not. I would rather be single until the end of my days than pander to another bloke who wants his housework done while he lies on the sofa.

Can't help it but the word which begins narc..... leaps into mind!

What a strange generalisation to make!

Passengers