Men who need a relationship for somewhere to live

[Gentlefriend]

I seem to know a few of these, perfectly pleasant attractive men who "need" to move quickly into a new realtionship when one fails, so as to have somewhere to live.

It can't be a very satisfactory way to live and I guess I should feel some sympathy for men who lose their home when a realtionship fails, what I don't understand is why the women are so keen to have them.

I can name 4 women from my own circle, with good careers, financial independence and their own home, who have a men living with them very early in the realtionship because otherwise he's homeless or living in the "spare room" with his ex. Sometimes they're even moving him in when they have DC at home, within a matter of weeks.

These women have everything going for them and the men don't, so why is the pattern seen so much?

This.
im ashamed to say I was in a 13 year relationship with one such man. Except really he wasn’t pleasant or intelligent and I was too blind to see it.
even had kids with him.

when I finally kicked him out I helped him get his own place which he messed up, rent arrears, couldn’t keep a job. On the verge of getting evicted he then got back with his old ex (with whom he had older dc with).she had her own house, yup he moved in very quickly with her, they married and had more kids, he then conveniently got the sack and is now sponging of her.

what a catch.

What does 'cannot do wrong the right way' even mean?

Good lord i must be old if know one knows what that means.

Do you mean 'can't do right for doing wrong'?

Women are generally guaranteed a house due to having the DCs.

So they move the latest squeeze in and then kick him out when it goes tits up as it inevitably does.

There is no incentive for either party to stay together or for the men to stick around as the taxpayer is generally funding the kids and the men are not expected to do anything other than provide sperm or play the part of Mr Boyfriend as and when required.

We have ourselves to blame as well for facilitating this poor behaviour.

You know this is a thread about cock lodgers don't you?

I used to know someone who always picked women who owned property and had decent jobs. The women eventually wised up and chucked him out. He had an uncle who was just the same as him. A serial monogamist for a roof over his head and a hot meal in his belly.

Women who move in? I don't. I've never met a single woman who has moved herself in just to have somewhere to live with a man. I'm sure it happens, but not very often. I know lots and lots of men who have very quickly moved in (and women who have let them) and I've seen this in real life and on MN. Inevitably, also, the women don't make the man pay very much "well, I was paying the rent etc anyway so if he just pas half the bills I'm still saving and it's not fair for me to profit off him."

I’d forgotten that dog food thread. Thank god that the woman could see through the misogynistic ideas of the man’s family.
I’ve seen a lot of threads here where the woman really thinks that she can fix a man who is happy with the way things are or that being single is worse than being in a crappy relationship. I always wonder if the ones who defend crappy men with “but he’s such a great dad!” are trolling or not

Cocklodgers

So you're pleased your son's gay because of the of the expectations of women in relationships?

That doesn't make any kind of logical sense at all.

Let's say your son ended up with a useless sponging man, would you think he should just get on with it without any expectations for how a healthy relationship should work. Righto.

I remember that thread no wonder she didn't return to it I wonder what happened in the end 🤔

Thinking around my social circle, I know a lot more women who live alone by choice or following a relationship breakdown.

I don't know nearly as many men, and I know a fair few who are in pretty shitty relationships where the fact they're getting cut price lodgings seems like the most attractive feature.

My SIL recently moved out following her divorce, and her ex's main concern seemed to be that his home wouldn't be nicely furnished and cosy for their two older teenage girls. As if venturing into Denelm and spending some money on throws and cushions was some kind of voodoo. Knob.

Certainly is my experience as a single woman, with her own home, that there are a lot of single men who are living in "in between accommodation" ie with parents or friends...

I remember one man telling me all about his "apartment", said it was small but enough space for him and his children who visited. As time went on, more came out and it turned out he lived in his Mums loft conversion and his kitchen was actually a table with an air fryer and a microwave on it! Nothing wrong with this at all, but it certainly struck me that he had tried to pull the wool over my eyes.

And also, in my experience of the men who actually do have their own place... the cleaning standards tend to leave a lot to be desired 🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢. Again, not wishing to generalise as I know this is just my experience... but I dated one who loved coming to stay at mine, sleeping in my clean sheets, enjoying my warm tidy home whilst his own home was squalor!

Sorry, are you saying you're pleased your son is gay because heterosexual women unreasonably demand so much of men?

Ohh I missed this thread. God I hope that dog is ok - sounds like it will be. Probably sat on the sofa with some steak as we type.
😂❤️Dogsnet4eva .

I don't know anyone like this.

I imagine in certain social classes, like a pp said, women are guaranteed some sort of roof over their heads if they have children... whereas men from the same social class don't have the same access to social housing...so they sponge off women.

Best ask the women that allow all this. They’re the stupid ones. 🤷‍♀️🙄

This site overall is an eye-opener into how many women tolerate being used as skivvies in their own homes, and how a cock and balls somehow disqualifies men from throwing a handful of ingredients into a casserole dish and turning on the oven.

DH and I both work full time, and we both take on equal amounts of housework and childcare. I don't do his holiday packing for him - how on earth would I know what someone else wants to wear? - he takes care of his own laundry, and DC's is done by us both. All work contributing to Christmas is shared.

I realise from conversing with friends and colleagues and from reading these boards that, whilst not exactly a rarity, this is also far from being the norm. If, gods forbid, something happens to DH or our marriage were to break down, I'm determined that I will not live with another man again - ever.

My mother was very much of this mindset when she left my idle, abusive father and she stuck to that resolve for the rest of her days. As for being desperate to have a man in her life no matter what the circumstances, forget it. A sensible woman, my mum.

A good decision by you and your mum, @SerafinasGoose. I told my DH a while back that if anything happens to him, there's no way I'll be having another relationship. Spoke to my brother, who I'm very close to, and we agreed that we'd share somewhere if it comes to it. He's properly domesticated and house trained, plus he's a very good cook and does his own laundry, so I think we'd be okay. We joked that we'd grown up helping each other to put our socks on, so maybe we'll end our lives helping each other to put our socks on.

I have a DB who does this. He has a home but it's cold in winter. I suspect his Tinder profile says something like 'own home essential'.

He is getting on a bit so I guess he will be looking for a nurse with a purse soon.

That was an absolute beaut'!

Yes my ex did this, I was his first relationship and we bought a house. When we split I bought him out , he lived with his mum and blew all the equity. After a few months she wanted him to move on so he found a gf and moved in, when they split he did a short term rental until he found his next victim. Next time he was prepared and lined his new gf up before ending the last one.

I'm single, have a (super trustworthy and practical) male relative who sometimes lives with me.

It's a very positive relationship all around and has meant more money, safety and more stability for me. Nearly mortgage free.

I was ill for a year or so and got all the help I needed from him.

What is absolutely hilarious (as well as horrendous) is how there's lots of (often MARRIED) men who clearly are eyeing up my "vulnerability" levels and get very upset at this situation.

Not even men I'm dating - vague colleagues, etc.

It's like they have a predatory database in their head of "available women and beds".

They are obsessed with the thought of finding a solo childfree woman with her own place where they can cuckoo/cocklodge/domestically colonise.

As soon as the idea of a bloke with my best interests at heart appears....this is like a personal attack on them.

They complain about my "controlling family" or question my living arrangements (my parents are dead and I asked my relative to live with me).

What they mean is the Master Plan to turn up with a £6 bottle of wine on a Friday night to "discuss a work situation" and never leave has been foiled.

So my top tip for solo women. If you have a male cousin, ask them to stay a bit and tell everyone this is occurring!

Female Dating Strategy (like Mumsnet on crack) suggests if you're dating a guy, there is no reason at all for him to come to your residence early on (say six months).

Fascinating! This sounds like a new benign strain of the cocklodger virus…

I wonder if they are realising they have to work harder for their keep?

Though the only man I was in a relationship with also worked 16 hours a day and definitely wasn’t a CL!