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Original poster

Anyone else have kids who don’t let them throw stuff away…?

60 replies

MumGuilt101 · 23/02/2025 11:47

We are drowning in clutter. Mainly toys. Mainly soft toys and squishmallows.

11 year old is a messy little bugger but I’m working on it. She’s not so bad re chucking stuff.

8 is a different story. She will rip through bin bags. Wail about clothes that no longer fit being thrown away. I have to appease her by telling her I’ll just put them in the garage but now the garage is packed.

I can’t tell you how much space in this house is taken up with shite because she won’t let me chuck it out. I can’t lie and tell her things are in the garage when they aren’t because she will literally check/ask for them in six months time.

What’s the best way to handle this? Do you just bash on and chuck them anyway because it feels a bit mean to me to just be chucking her stuff away when she doesn’t want me to.

we have an enormous toy kitchen that they barely play with. I suggested we clean it all up together and donate it. Nope.

OP posts:
BridgetCleaver · 23/02/2025 11:52

I was this child. I think I was attached to things in a "comfort" way. I remember getting out things that I hadn't touched for years when I was sad or worried about something. My mum and dad still find stuff now that had been stashed in random places because I refused to get rid of it and there was no other space! I continued being a bit of a hoarder til I got my own house - I still probably keep a lot of stuff that I shouldn't but am at least a bit more practical about it now!

Original poster
MumGuilt101 · 23/02/2025 11:54

Yeah I think she gets very attached to her things.

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 23/02/2025 11:54

Take control and sort things out without telling her.

I don’t mean going into her room and chucking out her most loved possessions I mean quietly packing up things you know for a fact or too young for her, haven’t been touched in years or don’t fit and just taking them to the charity shop without telling her.

When it comes to birthdays and Christmas let her know weeks in advance that she needs to make a pile of a few teddies, games etc that she is willing to let go of to make room for new stuff.

You know and see what she actually plays with so make the judgements yourself.

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Families
Oioisavaloy27 · 23/02/2025 11:56

You do it when they aren't looking it's amazing how they don't notice!

Original poster
MumGuilt101 · 23/02/2025 11:57

So it’s ok to do that when I know if she knew that, she’d be devastated?

(I’m genuinely asking - I feel guilty doing that to her but I’m really struggling to see any alternative at this stage)

OP posts:
DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 23/02/2025 12:01

Aside from the main issue, you just throw away toys and clothes that are too young for her?

Clutter is something that needs to be kept on top of, but I can't stand it when people just throw away perfectly good stuff that they no longer need/want instead of pursuing one of the many avenues out there to rehome it with somebody who can use it/does want it. The amount of old toys in good working order that get slung into a skip at the tip whilst children from poor families go without.

Telemichus · 23/02/2025 12:03

I have this 8 year old too!
some things, like the ikea sorting shape house just go in the charity. Similar old shoes & wellies - first go to out of sight out of mind, then I will clear out occasionally. I have conversations about moving things on. We watch sort your life out.
I am always very clear that I will not give or throw away anything’s such as stuffier without her permission. I allow her to keep some sentimental clothes. (Like a tee shirt per year)
it’s still terrible. Junk modelling is a problem.

Justlurking101 · 23/02/2025 12:03

Tell them you have no more room, no more new things until there is space for it. My favourite is that Santa will take one look at the house and think omg they have plenty of toys so will leave maybe one if you're lucky.

Also explain that there are children with nothing, they are lucky and donating to your community is a positive thing. Ask them when they last played with it, say it's for babies and lots of local babies would benefit.

Watch Stacey Solomon's sort your life out with them tonight, full of family's with far too many things, I used to love watching obsessive cleaners when I was younger... was far too young at the time to own my own place but it was an eye opener to the way people lived and the benefits of clearing out!

DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 23/02/2025 12:05

I think that children and their feelings about their possessions need to be respected, but they also need to be made to understand the good reasons for not keeping everything.

How would she feel if you asked her how you could make sure that there wàs enough room left so that she could have new presents for Christmas/birthday? Not saying you should buy her nothing, but just prssent her with the clear reality.

SeaToSki · 23/02/2025 12:05

Do you think she would go for a photo of the item and have an album of thingsshe has donated?

It might also help if you can take her to volunteer somewhere that you can donate her old clothes and toys to..so that she can see that they are going somewhere needed

and then just get tough. If you give her a certain amount of space to store her things in her room and then 1 box in the garage, and she has to decide and then everything beyond that gets donated

you are helping her set up habits for her lifetime, so you need to be calm and kind, but firm and direct her towards being in control of her emotional response to her posessions

TickingAlongNicely · 23/02/2025 12:05

Ww talk about what we want to keep rather than what we want to get rid of.

DustyMaiden · 23/02/2025 12:05

My DS is like that. Been keeping everything for years. He’s just moved out and apparently doesn’t need it any more.

Justlurking101 · 23/02/2025 12:07

Role model, go through your own things, list them on vinted, get a charity bag going. Explain when asked the reasons for letting go :)

Original poster
MumGuilt101 · 23/02/2025 12:08

Yes the shit they send home from school 🤦🏻‍♀️ junk modelling. Paintings. Paper mache. Folders full of worksheets and stuff. What are you supposed to do with that?

OP posts:
Original poster
MumGuilt101 · 23/02/2025 12:09

Ironically they absolutely love sort your life out. But do not seem prepared to apply the learning…

OP posts:
Pleaseeterausername · 23/02/2025 12:10

Your house, your rules! Explain that there are so many children with NO toys, get a big bin bag and sort through together for the charity shop. If you don’t think this would work, wait and do it yourself whilst they are at school.

ProfessionalTeaDrinker · 23/02/2025 12:11

I'd second watching sort your life out with them! Its a really good visual for how out of hand it can get if you don't keep on top of it, they can see that others struggle to let go as well but it has to be done and they see the end results. When mine are hassling me to buy pointless rubbish or refusing to let go of anything now I just say 'what would Dilly say?!' and they laugh and usually make the right choice. Still a work in progress mind! But then so am I, I try and lead by example but still a long way to go......

BridgetCleaver · 23/02/2025 12:25

Does she have quite a vivid imagination? Do her teddies have names? With teddies and dolls in particular, I was always playing made up games with them so they not only had names but stories, relationships etc (eg this teddy and that one are best friends), so they almost became like little people so they were particularly hard to part with, like a character leaving your favourite show

HalfasleepChrisintheMorning · 23/02/2025 12:27

If they are in good condition sell them on Vinted or FB and let them keep the money. Suddenly DS was far more motivated to get rid of stuff when it resulted in cash! Even if you massively underprice stuff to get rid it’s worth it.

BeaAndBen · 23/02/2025 12:28

MumGuilt101 · 23/02/2025 12:08

Yes the shit they send home from school 🤦🏻‍♀️ junk modelling. Paintings. Paper mache. Folders full of worksheets and stuff. What are you supposed to do with that?

Have a scrapbook to put things in, and photos of all the artwork etc in a file on your phone they can look at. Then bin it.

I let DC use the phone camera to take pictures of everything they wanted to remember, then it went to the charity shop.

lavenderlou · 23/02/2025 12:29

Yep, worried they are turning into hoarder DH. I weed a few bits out but am trying to teach them how to identify things they could live without as this is something my DH never did when young.

MummytoE · 23/02/2025 12:36

My rule is that for any one new thing that comes in , two old things get chucked or donated. Also chuck some little things out when they aren't there and hope they never notice. I have also previously invented a story of a little girl I know through work who has nothing and would love some of the stuff my girls no longer need. Ie " oh Anna at my work was saying she doesn't have any dolls, maybe we could give her this one" they seem quite keen on this. Then it just goes to a charity shop.😂

EndorsingPRActice · 23/02/2025 12:38

My DD is like this. I did throw stuff away when she was about 7/8 and she noticed immediately and was very upset, for a long time, still goes on about it now and she’s 18. After that I did throw stuff out but always told her first and that was better but not great. It did result in me keeping far too much stuff for far longer than needed, her room and the utility room were a real mess and very overcrowded from when she was about 6 - 14. She has improved a lot since she was 14 and does now get that stuff needs throwing away / recycling. But she remains really attached to a lot of things and still has far more tat in her room than I would choose to. She still has a massive chest of soft toys for example. It caused a lot of argument and bad feeling as she grew up and was, ridiculously in my view, an ongoing struggle for many years. I suppose we compromised to an extent. Good luck OP, it should be such a minor thing but in our house it wasn’t!

Original poster
MumGuilt101 · 23/02/2025 12:57

EndorsingPRActice · 23/02/2025 12:38

My DD is like this. I did throw stuff away when she was about 7/8 and she noticed immediately and was very upset, for a long time, still goes on about it now and she’s 18. After that I did throw stuff out but always told her first and that was better but not great. It did result in me keeping far too much stuff for far longer than needed, her room and the utility room were a real mess and very overcrowded from when she was about 6 - 14. She has improved a lot since she was 14 and does now get that stuff needs throwing away / recycling. But she remains really attached to a lot of things and still has far more tat in her room than I would choose to. She still has a massive chest of soft toys for example. It caused a lot of argument and bad feeling as she grew up and was, ridiculously in my view, an ongoing struggle for many years. I suppose we compromised to an extent. Good luck OP, it should be such a minor thing but in our house it wasn’t!

I feel seen 🥲

OP posts:
HelpMeGetThrough · 23/02/2025 12:59

Oioisavaloy27 · 23/02/2025 11:56

You do it when they aren't looking it's amazing how they don't notice!

Yep. We did it when they were at school. Took a day off and got it sorted.

They never noticed a thing over the years.