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Original poster

Anyone else have kids who don’t let them throw stuff away…?

60 replies

MumGuilt101 · 23/02/2025 11:47

We are drowning in clutter. Mainly toys. Mainly soft toys and squishmallows.

11 year old is a messy little bugger but I’m working on it. She’s not so bad re chucking stuff.

8 is a different story. She will rip through bin bags. Wail about clothes that no longer fit being thrown away. I have to appease her by telling her I’ll just put them in the garage but now the garage is packed.

I can’t tell you how much space in this house is taken up with shite because she won’t let me chuck it out. I can’t lie and tell her things are in the garage when they aren’t because she will literally check/ask for them in six months time.

What’s the best way to handle this? Do you just bash on and chuck them anyway because it feels a bit mean to me to just be chucking her stuff away when she doesn’t want me to.

we have an enormous toy kitchen that they barely play with. I suggested we clean it all up together and donate it. Nope.

OP posts:

Toptotoe · 23/02/2025 15:45

Justlurking101 · 23/02/2025 12:03

Tell them you have no more room, no more new things until there is space for it. My favourite is that Santa will take one look at the house and think omg they have plenty of toys so will leave maybe one if you're lucky.

Also explain that there are children with nothing, they are lucky and donating to your community is a positive thing. Ask them when they last played with it, say it's for babies and lots of local babies would benefit.

Watch Stacey Solomon's sort your life out with them tonight, full of family's with far too many things, I used to love watching obsessive cleaners when I was younger... was far too young at the time to own my own place but it was an eye opener to the way people lived and the benefits of clearing out!

My daughter was like this too and I told her that Father Christmas needed the toys to give to children who didn't have any. It worked .

Themagicclaw · 23/02/2025 15:57

I have turned this around with my kid via vinted. When her old clothes/toys sell, I let her buy new stuff on there. She is now quite happy to de clutter!

Original poster

MumGuilt101 · 23/02/2025 19:06

ChicMiss · 23/02/2025 15:26

Oh goodness.... You're the adult here! What you say goes. There's not enough room, we'll donate it. End of discussion.

Because I don’t want to be this type of parent. My parents were autocratic and treated me like I wasn’t a person in my own right and that my opinion didn’t matter on anything. I have issues with confidence and self esteem as a direct result. My mums eye rolling and dismissiveness is constantly in my head and it impacts everything.

My girls are people with autonomy and opinions and belongings. They are not babies any more. I don’t want to take their things and throw them away like their opinion means nothing. I wouldn’t like it if this was done to me.

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Families

Mumtobabyhavoc · 23/02/2025 19:09

MumGuilt101 · 23/02/2025 19:06

Edited

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Are there issues of security that could be dealt with, ie counselling? 🧐

UselessMumAlert · 23/02/2025 20:02

I tend to hoard, mainly because my parents threw my stuff without asking and I have an atrocious memory so objects trigger memories for me. We have too much stuff, and are moving house soon. DS is one for keeping all his school work, DD has endless small plastic toys. I have said that we will all need to get rid of things. I have given them each a folder and told them to keep whatever school work they feel especially proud of or want to hold onto from primary school, but it must fit in the folder. I have also said I will give them one moving box to keep things they no longer play with but want to keep. The rest of their belongings must fit into their bedrooms neatly.

Fortunately we have new neighbours with a young child and they have happily given some toys to her and are slowly coming round to the idea.
Books are my downfall. I can't bring myself to get rid of books. And I kept far too many cute baby clothes.

Would giving her a designated space in the garage/utility (sorry, can't remember what you said in your OP) and saying she can keep things there, but only there, be an option?

Digdongdoo · 23/02/2025 20:16

You get rid of the things. You don't need to be callous about it, there can be a conversation and acknowledgement of her feelings. Kids need a sensible amount of things with appropriate storage. Keeping a clean and tidy living space is a really important life skill.

Yourethebeerthief · 23/02/2025 20:29

Container concept. Look it up on YouTube.

Decide on just enough storage that you are happy with and everything she wants has to fit in there. It will make her choose which things matter to her most and it means in future if she wants something, she'll have to really want it as it means letting go of something else to make space.

This should be done from day one with children so that their belongings don't get out of control and they genuinely appreciate and care for their things.

My 3 year old understands that he can only have as many soft toys/vehicles/magnet tiles etc as fit in their respective baskets. If they don't fit anymore, it's time to say goodbye to some. It's the only way to create boundaries around belongings, and we adults adhere to the same rules with our belongings. It keeps a small house in order, otherwise we'd be drowning in things and ready to murder each other.

Yourethebeerthief · 23/02/2025 20:32

MumGuilt101 · 23/02/2025 12:08

Yes the shit they send home from school 🤦🏻‍♀️ junk modelling. Paintings. Paper mache. Folders full of worksheets and stuff. What are you supposed to do with that?

Container concept again. For everything.

You have to take ownership of what you've created. She didn't buy all of these toys for herself. Have a whole house declutter so that she sees everyone is having to adhere to the new rules. It's not fair if it's all on her. She didn't create this problem.

You can turn it around now.

TammyJones · 23/02/2025 20:54

I'm a minimalist but firmly believe you cannot throw away others peoples stuff.
I'd periodically go through the kids stuff with them.
It would be taken down the charity shop.
I'd bribe them with money to have a clear out , which could be spent how they liked.
I wonder if it's a scarcity thing.
As in they are worried if they let things go they won't get anything else.
You need to reassure them that you're get rid of the stuff that is too small/ broken / no longer played with, but that soon, you'd go on a shopping trip and get a heap of new and exciting stuff - make a list with them.
(And follow through in a few months time )

Mandarinaduck · 23/02/2025 21:15

My DC was like this - I couldn't give anything away for a long time. I would give outgrown clothes away but without her knowing but trying to give toys away caused so much upset I stopped doing it. Only after she reached adolescence (after around 12.5; she is now in early teens) did she start feeling able to part with some of the childhood things, but is still keeping a lot of stuff. We do it little by little, but she will probably always keep a good deal more than others might choose to. Making room for new stuff has never been an argument as, given the choice, she would rather keep the old. So it is not about having 'a lot of stuff'. Just strong attachment to things she already owns.
I think you are right not to force it.

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