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Original poster

Not being invited to things DP friends organise

61 replies

Lorie94 · 21/02/2025 17:59

My DP has been invited to his friends wedding. This is the second part, they had a ceremony already and now they are getting married abroad. First ceremony I didn't get invited to and he said it was just close friends and I'll be getting an invite to the 'proper' wedding but I haven't.
The 'proper' wedding is abroad aswell and we planned to spend a few days there as it's a country neither of us has went too but now that plan has gone.
His friends don't know me that well as when they meet up I stay home with our 5 year old but his other friends partners are always there as they have no kids.
Anytime I mention that I don't know his friends he always says ' you do know them and you have met them ' but that's only when we have hosted and they've been invited, it's never been reciprocated and I feel like this will always happen. One of his friends always host but I have never gone as he says he just wants to hang out with his boys which I have never had an issue with but now I am feeling bitter as I'm being left out of things. People can invite whoever they want to events but I feel jealous that he gets invited to my friends weddings/kids christenings and parties as his my partner and we've been together 7 years but the invite is never there for me.

How do I get my point across as whenever I mention it he doesn't see a problem. He did ask his friend about the wedding and his friend did say 'I'm only inviting plus ones I know but if someone drops out I'll let you know'. Which clearly voids his argument of 'you do know my friends'.

OP posts:
PullTheBricksDown · 21/02/2025 18:07

So is he now planning to go without you?

Why not still travel as a couple, and if things stay the same re the wedding, you and your child go off for part of the day on your own and meet up again later?

Or he could just not go. They've already had one wedding ceremony after all.

Sosoweary · 21/02/2025 18:09

If they've already had one marriage ceremony they are already married. So unless it's some sort of religious obligation this second ceremony sounds like indulgence.

His friends reaction is really very unpleasant and dismissive of you. You've been together 7 years so this actually sounds like a calculated snub to you.

Your DP should be making a point to his friends but as it is he is not taking your part at all.
How is he in the rest of your relationship?

Differentstarts · 21/02/2025 18:10

If your 100% sure it's the friends with the issue and not your partner who doesnt want you around his mates . Then your partner needs to start speaking up and standing up for you. It's not normal to exclude someone's partner of 7 years without a very valid reason. Why would he choose to be friends with people like that.

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Weddings
Original poster
Lorie94 · 21/02/2025 18:11

PullTheBricksDown · 21/02/2025 18:07

So is he now planning to go without you?

Why not still travel as a couple, and if things stay the same re the wedding, you and your child go off for part of the day on your own and meet up again later?

Or he could just not go. They've already had one wedding ceremony after all.

Yes he still planning to go, this happened the other day and I just asked if he rsvp'd and he said yes.
It was only just going to be us two going for 3 days but that has changed now

OP posts:
CuteEasterBunny · 21/02/2025 18:13

You stay home so maybe they think you aren’t bothered about forming a better friendship.

Original poster
Lorie94 · 21/02/2025 18:15

Sosoweary · 21/02/2025 18:09

If they've already had one marriage ceremony they are already married. So unless it's some sort of religious obligation this second ceremony sounds like indulgence.

His friends reaction is really very unpleasant and dismissive of you. You've been together 7 years so this actually sounds like a calculated snub to you.

Your DP should be making a point to his friends but as it is he is not taking your part at all.
How is he in the rest of your relationship?

Yes they had a small ceremony last year when the euros was on and tbh one of the girlfriends went to that 😅

OP posts:
Original poster
Lorie94 · 21/02/2025 18:16

CuteEasterBunny · 21/02/2025 18:13

You stay home so maybe they think you aren’t bothered about forming a better friendship.

I agree but when I bring this up it's always ' you do know my friends ' which clearly now is an issue

OP posts:
Original poster
Lorie94 · 21/02/2025 18:18

Differentstarts · 21/02/2025 18:10

If your 100% sure it's the friends with the issue and not your partner who doesnt want you around his mates . Then your partner needs to start speaking up and standing up for you. It's not normal to exclude someone's partner of 7 years without a very valid reason. Why would he choose to be friends with people like that.

He would always say that he didn't realise the girlfriends would be there at some of the events. That is the excuse

OP posts:
Awrite · 21/02/2025 18:19

Not much of a partnership.

I couldn't give a shit about dh's friends but I do care about how my dh treats me.

You are misplacing your anger.

TidyDancer · 21/02/2025 18:20

They can invite who they want but this does feel like a DP problem.

maryberryslayers · 21/02/2025 18:20

My response would be 'oh I've made my own plans that week now, so let me know who's doing the childcare whilst you're away'

Mrsttcno1 · 21/02/2025 18:24

How do you know that you’re never invited to all the others things, obviously weddings there’s a formal invite but what about meals, nights/days out etc? Are you just getting this message from your partner?

In our friend groups it’s always partners welcome unless it’s a girls/lads night out but I don’t reach out to my friends partners to invite them, I trust that my friends will pass that along just the same as my husband’s friends don’t reach out to me to invite me but my husband will. If I’d offered an open invite for things for 7 years and you’d never turned up then I wouldn’t invite you to my wedding either, I’d assume you have no interest in building a friendship as you’d never showed up to anything before that. How would I know that your husband has actually been the one not inviting you?

MuddyPawsIndoors · 21/02/2025 18:25

The 'proper' wedding is abroad aswell and we planned to spend a few days there as it's a country neither of us has went too but now that plan has gone.

Why has the plan gone?

You two are still free to do this. He can nip off for the wedding and you can find something to do that interests you while he's gone 😳

I think your DP is the problem here, not his friends.

Original poster
Lorie94 · 21/02/2025 18:26

Mrsttcno1 · 21/02/2025 18:24

How do you know that you’re never invited to all the others things, obviously weddings there’s a formal invite but what about meals, nights/days out etc? Are you just getting this message from your partner?

In our friend groups it’s always partners welcome unless it’s a girls/lads night out but I don’t reach out to my friends partners to invite them, I trust that my friends will pass that along just the same as my husband’s friends don’t reach out to me to invite me but my husband will. If I’d offered an open invite for things for 7 years and you’d never turned up then I wouldn’t invite you to my wedding either, I’d assume you have no interest in building a friendship as you’d never showed up to anything before that. How would I know that your husband has actually been the one not inviting you?

This could be it but he has never said and always tells me who is there after the event. It's only now as I'm getting more older and wiser that I'm actually not happy about this set up and would like to know how to articulate this to him as when I say it it's always ' you do know my friends '

OP posts:
Differentstarts · 21/02/2025 18:27

Lorie94 · 21/02/2025 18:18

He would always say that he didn't realise the girlfriends would be there at some of the events. That is the excuse

Show quote history

It sounds like he doesn't want you at these things which means he's either embarrassed by you for some stupid reason. He lies to his friends a lot and doesn't want the truth coming out or he's taking someone else. This is a dp problem what's the rest of the relationship like

Cismyfatarse · 21/02/2025 18:28

So you are babysitting while he parties? Fuck that. Make plans of your own.

(Or leave him)

Original poster
Lorie94 · 21/02/2025 18:28

MuddyPawsIndoors · 21/02/2025 18:25

The 'proper' wedding is abroad aswell and we planned to spend a few days there as it's a country neither of us has went too but now that plan has gone.

Why has the plan gone?

You two are still free to do this. He can nip off for the wedding and you can find something to do that interests you while he's gone 😳

I think your DP is the problem here, not his friends.

I'm not saying this is his friends as I know it is a DP problem. I have given an example of what's happened. I'm asking how do I get my point across better as I don't think I'm articulating my words correctly

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 21/02/2025 18:28

Lorie94 · 21/02/2025 18:26

This could be it but he has never said and always tells me who is there after the event. It's only now as I'm getting more older and wiser that I'm actually not happy about this set up and would like to know how to articulate this to him as when I say it it's always ' you do know my friends '

Show quote history

If he’s the one who doesn’t want you there then he would say that though wouldn’t he?

JustWalkingTheDogs · 21/02/2025 18:31

I'd be organising a trip with my friends and see how he likes being left at home. Tbh if he wanted to there I'm sure he could convince his friends to invite you. In the usual mn words 'you have a dp problem'

PullTheBricksDown · 21/02/2025 18:31

OK, so if he hasn't booked anything yet, say 'well I can come with you and just do my own thing while the wedding is on, then we can still do sightseeing'. See what he says then as he can hardly claim his friends won't allow you to travel to the country.

Original poster
Lorie94 · 21/02/2025 18:33

JustWalkingTheDogs · 21/02/2025 18:31

I'd be organising a trip with my friends and see how he likes being left at home. Tbh if he wanted to there I'm sure he could convince his friends to invite you. In the usual mn words 'you have a dp problem'

I know I have a DP problem 😅 I just gave an example of being left out and I don't want it to keep happening in the future. He did ask his friend but his friend said his only inviting plus ones he knows and if someone drops out I can have their space lol

OP posts:
Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 21/02/2025 18:33

You should tell him you are not happy that it seems very important to him that you don't go near his friends and you can't help but wonder exactly why that is.

Original poster
Lorie94 · 21/02/2025 18:34

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 21/02/2025 18:33

You should tell him you are not happy that it seems very important to him that you don't go near his friends and you can't help but wonder exactly why that is.

I did ask him if he was embarrassed of me, I did put on some weight so that did cross my mind however I've lost it now

OP posts:
Weddingbells6 · 21/02/2025 18:35

He clearly doesn’t care if you’re there - sorry. I think it’s mean and cruel and really says all you need to know. If you don’t want to tell him you want a divorce because you don’t feel you have a life as a family when he goes alone to these events then you could maybe try and do things without him? Would that bother him enough to make him realise it’s unfair if you went away for 3 nights without him? Honestly I think the marriage is dead.

MarkingBad · 21/02/2025 18:35

If he was talking about you to his friends in a positive way and wasn't so ready to turn up to everything without you they'd invite you.