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Original poster

Not being invited to things DP friends organise

61 replies

Lorie94 · 21/02/2025 17:59

My DP has been invited to his friends wedding. This is the second part, they had a ceremony already and now they are getting married abroad. First ceremony I didn't get invited to and he said it was just close friends and I'll be getting an invite to the 'proper' wedding but I haven't.
The 'proper' wedding is abroad aswell and we planned to spend a few days there as it's a country neither of us has went too but now that plan has gone.
His friends don't know me that well as when they meet up I stay home with our 5 year old but his other friends partners are always there as they have no kids.
Anytime I mention that I don't know his friends he always says ' you do know them and you have met them ' but that's only when we have hosted and they've been invited, it's never been reciprocated and I feel like this will always happen. One of his friends always host but I have never gone as he says he just wants to hang out with his boys which I have never had an issue with but now I am feeling bitter as I'm being left out of things. People can invite whoever they want to events but I feel jealous that he gets invited to my friends weddings/kids christenings and parties as his my partner and we've been together 7 years but the invite is never there for me.

How do I get my point across as whenever I mention it he doesn't see a problem. He did ask his friend about the wedding and his friend did say 'I'm only inviting plus ones I know but if someone drops out I'll let you know'. Which clearly voids his argument of 'you do know my friends'.

OP posts:
paintfairy · 21/02/2025 18:35

Yeah, surely someone having a wedding thing abroad would not be inviting people without a plus 1? Who travels to another country to go to a wedding alone? That's not reasonable at all.
Your partner is an arsehole and just doesn't want you around. I would suggest you either bring it up and give him an ultimatum (you either operate as a couple or you are done) or just leave him. Because it seems he's done anyway?

CorduroySituation · 21/02/2025 18:35

as when I say it it's always ' you do know my friends

I'd be saying, well I obviously don't and they don't know me as otherwise why would I be snubbed from a wedding after being your partner for 7 years? I'm beginning to feel like it's you who is isolating me, not them. Do we have a problem here that I'm not aware of?
And a very hard stare!!

I'd also be asking to check his phone to read the messages about these events to see if his version ties up to what his friends have actually said! And I don't care about those who scream "invasion of privacy" - OP has a right to know if he is dissing her to his mates and their girlfriends, or not extending invitations to her.

0ctavia · 21/02/2025 18:40

The problem is not your words. your Dp knows how you feel because you’ve told him.

The problem is that he doesn’t want you at these events and he doesn’t care how you feel about it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
DysmalRadius · 21/02/2025 18:44

Lorie94 · 21/02/2025 18:33

I know I have a DP problem 😅 I just gave an example of being left out and I don't want it to keep happening in the future. He did ask his friend but his friend said his only inviting plus ones he knows and if someone drops out I can have their space lol

Show quote history

Did his friend say this to you, or has it been reported back via your partner?

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 21/02/2025 18:45

It's pretty clear he's the one that's not inviting you to friend meet ups if other partners go.

As a result the friends don't know you (just as you don't know them) and probably think you don't like them and are avoiding them. That makes not inviting you to the wedding completely understandable.

Why is the question. Either there's something he doesn't want you to say to them in conversation - whether that's a lie he's told them or something about you he's embarrassed about. Or there's something he doesn't want them to say to you. Or he behaves in a way with them that he doesn't want you to know about. What's your gut feeling?

Ohnobackagain · 21/02/2025 18:45

@Lorie94 what is to stop you going abroad with DH and doing your own thing for the wedding bits?

Morechocmorechoc · 21/02/2025 18:45

I'd be saying to your partner that he tells his friend he isn't travelling without you. It's unreasonable to expect a partner to be left out of an abroad wedding if everyone else is going. I'll be honest, only other times I've heard of this is if that person is playing away and doesn't want their partner at anything. Push harder and find out the truth.

Original poster
Lorie94 · 21/02/2025 18:46

I was sent a screenshot of him asking his friend about a plus one

OP posts:
Morechocmorechoc · 21/02/2025 18:47

Screenshot sounds convenient like he asked his friend to do it.

Ponderingwindow · 21/02/2025 18:47

Did he ask if you were available and ok with solo parenting while he travels? Does he ask if you are ok being the sole parent while he goes out with his friends?

Do you get reciprocal leisure time? is that leisure time similar, in large blocks where you can’t be easily interrupted? Does a similar amount of money get spent on your socializing, travel, or other recreation?

Original poster
Lorie94 · 21/02/2025 18:48

paintfairy · 21/02/2025 18:35

Yeah, surely someone having a wedding thing abroad would not be inviting people without a plus 1? Who travels to another country to go to a wedding alone? That's not reasonable at all.
Your partner is an arsehole and just doesn't want you around. I would suggest you either bring it up and give him an ultimatum (you either operate as a couple or you are done) or just leave him. Because it seems he's done anyway?

I did tell him the other day if we don't start going places together I'm done but my friend said would you really split up over that which made me question it 😅 however I'm only 30 and don't want to settle what I want in a relationship anymore and if it won't change then I will sadly have to walk away

OP posts:
Original poster
Lorie94 · 21/02/2025 18:48

Ohnobackagain · 21/02/2025 18:45

@Lorie94 what is to stop you going abroad with DH and doing your own thing for the wedding bits?

I'd feel embarrassed if I went tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
Lorie94 · 21/02/2025 18:52

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 21/02/2025 18:45

It's pretty clear he's the one that's not inviting you to friend meet ups if other partners go.

As a result the friends don't know you (just as you don't know them) and probably think you don't like them and are avoiding them. That makes not inviting you to the wedding completely understandable.

Why is the question. Either there's something he doesn't want you to say to them in conversation - whether that's a lie he's told them or something about you he's embarrassed about. Or there's something he doesn't want them to say to you. Or he behaves in a way with them that he doesn't want you to know about. What's your gut feeling?

To be honest, he could have lied about something and I would have no idea about it. I also asked if he was embarrassed with how I look but he says no, I've lost 20 kilos so do look different from last year

OP posts:
MomBruh · 21/02/2025 18:53

This is where DP says to friend before you even know anything about it 'Ah sorry mate, I don't want to go without Lorie, we had planned to enjoy the trip together AFTER YOU SAID SHE'D BE INVITED, and it would feel wrong to change those plans & come alone'

He's being a right arse & so are they.

Original poster
Lorie94 · 21/02/2025 18:54

Ponderingwindow · 21/02/2025 18:47

Did he ask if you were available and ok with solo parenting while he travels? Does he ask if you are ok being the sole parent while he goes out with his friends?

Do you get reciprocal leisure time? is that leisure time similar, in large blocks where you can’t be easily interrupted? Does a similar amount of money get spent on your socializing, travel, or other recreation?

No he didn't ask and when I said how long will you be gone for he doesn't know until he speaks to everybody

OP posts:
MomBruh · 21/02/2025 18:57

Did he ask if you were available and ok with solo parenting while he travels? Does he ask if you are ok being the sole parent while he goes out with his friends?

This is a brilliant point actually. Ask him if he'ls going to be okay taking a child along alone to this wedding, and watch his reaction. 'oh little Sammy isn't invited either? Oh so I'll be home looking after him as well'?

Course you'd be fine, but I bet it hasn't even crossed his mind that you might not fancy another weekend solo parenting.

TattooGuineaPig · 21/02/2025 19:04

Sounds like he compartmentalizes his life. Works or him, sure but doesn't necessarily work for you.

Do you have your own group of friends, separate from him? It might be worth cultivating those connections so you can at least feel a bit more independent (and be independent of his social life).

Sunnysideup4eva · 21/02/2025 19:10

Yeah your DP is lying to you, sorry.
He doesn't want you there.
Otherwise why can you not still all travel, and he'll just pop to the ceremony.
Plus tbh a decent DP wouldn't be fussed about going, without you. Mine certainly wouldn't, the whole thing would be way less appealing to him if I wasn't going too!

Trolleysaregoodforemployment · 21/02/2025 19:10

You have been together 7 years? He doesn't respect you and/or he is embarrassed by you, his friends follow his lead. Is this the example that you would set for your child? If this was me, there would be no way back for him.

LTB

ZenNudist · 21/02/2025 19:13

There is someone there he doesn't want to see you!!

Trunksarebetter · 21/02/2025 19:21

Has he had other serious relationships before you? Is there a chance that some or all of his friends were/are big mates with his ex?

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 21/02/2025 19:46

The fact that he is happy to go and leave you behind tells you all you need to know about how he feels about you.

Why you would accept this 7 years into a relationship is beyond me.

anonhop · 21/02/2025 20:23

Are you married OP? I have no idea whether this is a consideration but at our wedding we said 'rings get invitations'. Ie, we didn't want to double the guest list by everyone bringing a plus one. So if our friends were engaged/ married, both halves of the couple were invited. If there wasn't a ring, we just went with who we were close to.

CarpetKnees · 21/02/2025 20:40

His friends don't know me that well as when they meet up I stay home with our 5 year old but his other friends partners are always there as they have no kids.

I think you need to go back to this.
Why don't you get a babysitter if you (couple you) get invited out ?

BitterTits · 21/02/2025 20:51

How to articulate your words correctly:

'If you don't want to include me in your social life, I'll find myself an actual partner to replace you.'