Very 'normal' things that make you feel awkward

[DancingDucks]

First of all I'm sticking a 'lighthearted' in here. 😊

A friend and I had this conversation the other day and it made us both laugh, so maybe it'll cheer up a wet and windy day for some.

Some of mine:

When people wish me happy birthday on Facebook. It's very lovely of people but makes me feel so weird and embarrassed, so I now have my birthday hidden.

Waiting to get off a bus. Not sure what I think will happen, but I get all weird and stressed in case I forget to thank the driver. Which would never happen because it's so drummed into me.

Standing behind people at a cash machine. Even though I stand well back, I fear I might look a shifty and robby type, so try to arrange my face as benignly as possible, hence looking slightly vacant.

Walking past my own house. This is so weird and I've no idea why it makes me feel like I should give a jolly wave to my house.

Please tell me I'm not alone in my weirdness ...

I was offered a ticket to a poetry reading by a quite well known poet and I couldn't bring myself to go as I knew I'd die of cringe.

People singing - if they're at work, or they're giving me a lift and they're singing along to the radio I just want to die of embarrassment.

Buying sanitary products. I've always hated doing this for some reason, but it' got worse now that I'm still having them at 56 - I'm sure people must look at me and think incontinence.

Going through airport security. I once got pulled over, taken into a side room and they went through my Kindle - I've still no idea why. I was going on holiday to Germany with DH and the DC, it was the most random and terrifying thing to ever happen to me. Also mortifying, as they must have seen some of my - ahem - reading material.

Driving in front of or behind a police car. I am an incredibly careful driver, never had any points on my licence, but for some reason I start panicking and drive like I'm on my driving test.

Crossing the road when someone has stopped for me. Do I run, walk, jog? Do I smile or mouth thank you, or give them a full on wave, or just a hand raise?

Yes! Well, not the theatre necessarily as a certain amount of exaggeration is part of the acting style, especially in musicals. But I get really embarrassed if I watch a bad film or tv programme. Embarrassed for the actors as I feel like their awkwardness is directly transmitting itself through the screen.

This happened when I was watching the Bridget Jones film at the cinema recently. Rene Zellweger’s ‘ditsy’ facial contortions, Leo Woodall having to take his top off all the time, Sally Phillips and her ‘bonkers’ personality and strange teenager at a disco lipstick. I felt physically unsettled. My fingers and toes were scrunched up. I kept imagining how the actors felt at the first screenings.

Took my then elderly Mum to Church once, as she had expressed a wish to go. I think she went to a Methodist church as a child, and this was an Anglican Church near to her. She was rather deaf by then and I don’t think had come across offering the sign of peace before, so when members of the congregation were turning round and reaching over to say ‘peace be with you’, I overheard her happily saying ‘pleased to meet you’ to everyone!

I have a colleague who says she's a 'trained singer' and invites me to endless karaoke nights. I don't know who trained her, but it definitely wasn't a singer. I would rather punch myself in the face than go and watch people murder my favourite songs and then, even worse, pretend that I enjoyed it. I know this because a few of us did go once and I was so mortified I feigned illness and went home. I just couldn't cope.

Flushing the toilet on the front of the house if the neighbours or a delivery driver is outside.
Sitting in the same room when the window cleaner is cleaning the window. I have been known to sit on the stairs until they’ve gone 🤣

OMG totally this! So glad I wfh now! 😂

Saying it’s a pound a strip when selling School raffle tickets 🤣

HA!

oh the police car - so nerve wracking
i hadnt passed my test long and drove home through the country lanes with police car behind, agony
another time i was smoking and the police car again behind me and i couldnt chuck the cigarette out of the window, and wasnt even sure if i should be smoking! - both hands on the wheel at all times
i always feel somehow guilty when i see a police car

Here's a song for you to think of next time you go to mass. You may be able to imagine your MIL in the role of "Mrs Beamish" although she is C of E ("say thou and thee")

I call it the "time for the toilet" point. Dh glares at me as I go. 😂

The other thing I find awkward is when people are over thankful for something I do because I enjoy it, and particularly if they get a present. I do it because I enjoy it, and a simple "thanks for doing it" is more than enough. I don't say that though. I thank them nicely for the present and say they don't have to. And I really mean that.

I don't like it when people make speeches at weddings/parties . I get second hand embarrassed for them additional points if there is tears I really struggle, it's a me issue though.

Very rarely use buses now, but I used to feel awkward and panicky waiting alone, if two buses came and I wanted the one behind! I've gone through - shaking my head at the first bus driver, pointing behind the first bus, waving it past, stepping back then having to dash forward in case the second one keeps going!
The most cringeworthy one was the first bus stopping to pick someone up, mine being behind, so I walked the full bus length of the first, to get on mine behind. The first bus pulled away and the second, the one I wanted and was nearly up to, drove past me and up to the stop! So I had to walk the full length of the bus back to get on it! Bus drivers 9/10 will let you on if you do this usually. But some bus drivers can be wankers!
Feeling awkward if a police car is coming towards me! My car is perfectly legal and maintained, I'm not a criminal! I just imagine that they'll drive past, clock me, then spin round and pull me over! For what, I have no idea!!! 🤣
Going down to our local shop! He has a card reader on the very small counter. He doesn't have baskets, so if I want a few things, I'm back and forth putting them on the counter, while he scans each of my drop offs!
By the time I've done, I've got my shopping bag in my hand, trying to pack it in mid air, as there's no room on the counter, my purse under my arm and every single time do I knock the card reader off and he has to drag it back up by its wire! I only go down there if I'm desperate for something as it is! I bet he eye rolls when I walk in!
Cleaning my car interior on the crescent I live on! This is totally irrational, because the way our houses are designed, the kitchens are at the front, so you'd have to be stood at the sink for ages, but it feels like all the neighbours eyes are on me! The amount of times I put off doing it is ridiculous! If I didn't have such a big car and a short driveway, I'd clean it there!
Oh and facetime/video calls! My friend does it constantly with all her family and I find it really awkward on the times I've been there. Her mother sat and ate an entire meal once, while I was driving and she was talking to her! The long pauses with all the scraping of the dish and lip smacking made me want to drive off a motorway bridge! It was awful! I nearly turned inside out!
(Having said that, I'm having a video call with my best mate in NZ tonight, but I don't feel awkward with him and I certainly don't eat a 3 course meal while we're talking! Anyone else, no, please fuck off and just text! 🤣)

I find hairdressers incredibly awkward, hence I get my hair cut about once every 2 years! I hate walking in and feel so unglamorous when I'm sat there. Really can't stand it. I need to find a home hairdresser really as I'm in desperate need of a trim.

Crossing on a zebra crossing
Hate cars stopping to let me cross. Just feels awkward.

I hate it too when people ask what I am doing at the weekend.
Pretty much fuck all most weekends but I feel the need to make something up!

Oh no! The poetry reading! I got Shanghai'd into going to one when I was at university. He, the poet, had a harp. A full sized harp, A harp, I tell you! He wasn't well known or even...very good.

He turned up late because of some difficulty with catching the train. Do they classify harps as bicycles for ticketing purposes?

Some of it was meant to be in Old Norse. It was a bit like that scene in, "About A Boy" when the Hugh Grant character says something about the mum and child singing at the piano and remarks, "I knew logically that it would eventually end but..."

I don't know how I survived. For weeks afterwards my Dad kept singing this immortal tune by Gracie Fields: "I took my harp to a party, but nobody asked me play."

I get really stressed worrying about offering them a cup of tea. I dwell for ages on the right way to ask, I debate in my head for ages whether to say "tea" or "tea or coffee" or "hot drink". And when do I ask? When they've been here an hour, less time or longer? It's fraught. It's not that I'm too mean to offer a cup, or think they should be working not drinking tea, it's the interaction with a stranger that I find really difficult. Workmen only come to the house when DH is here to deal with them. I hide away in another room.

Just peed laughing at that! I'm with you there! It feels like you should just open and empty your case right there and then to prove you haven't! 🤣

Seeing friends out of your house. Standing in my narrow hallway while they struggle to put their shoes on, coats, hats etc, fumble with the door, small talk, small talk. Do I stand there with them or walk away? A friend always leaves me to walk out on my own when I’m at hers but it feels rude. Equally awks standing there…

Why not pay to start with. Honestly , people do it all the time. Don’t feel awkward.

I thought I was the only one in the world with this hang-up! You have made me feel much better, @Mushroo !

whenever I walk through the Customs green channel at an airport I become overwhelmed by the thought that I may have accidentally packed 50 Rolex watches, a kilo of cocaine and a rare and protected species of reptile into my suitcase.

Haha! I know just how you feel, but in my case I become consumed by the anxiety that I may look as though I’ve packed loads of contraband in my suitcase, so I try and cultivate a aura of studied innocence which probably makes me look very odd and shifty!

I’m autistic so… everything haha but I’m dedicating this post to the horror that is Teams.

We useTeams as a landline at work and I hate it when you call someone or the call you and up pops their face! Then do you turn your camera on or leave it off?

I’m doing a lot of training for my new role and we have all day Teams training. Staring at my face for 6 hours is not OK! Then you realise your head is leaning one way, try to surreptitiously move it straight… oh no that’s the wrong way, move it the other way… nope still the wrong way 🤷‍♀️. Is everyone wondering what I’m doing??

Have I managed to arrange my expressionless autism face into something that looks suitably interested? Wait, is my smile always lopsided?

Got to fill that awkward silence when a question is asked… but then is that annoying that it’s always me with my hand up?

And then we’re in a break out room, so we do the activity even though it’s stupid, do we make small talk, do we go and make a brew?

Oh, here comes my dog on screen, everyone says he’s cute and I want to tell you about him, but that would be boring and inappropriate right??

Urgh I hate Teams so much!

It's the fear of being outed as an uncultured pleb whilst having this kind of mad desire to shout that the Emporer isn't wearing any clothes at the same time.