Why are accommodations for autistic people often seen as unfair?

[YourPoisedFinch]

In my last job, I received some accommodations and explained them to colleagues when they asked why I was coming in late. Instead of understanding, they accused me of fraud and faking my condition to get special treatment. This isn’t just my experience—many people with mental health conditions and other invisible disabilities face similar challenges. They’re either not believed and resented for receiving accommodations or believed but then negatively stereotyped.

People like you who see 'abuse' where there isn't any are the ones who make it harder for those of us with disabilities.

I hope you never find yourself in my position having to deal with people like you.

Please don't patronise me. Yes I've heard of spoon theory but people have to take some responsibility for themselves. It isn't anybody else's responsibility to make sure you don't end up in defecit. It is a theory not a fact.

Somebody else's failure to plan should not mean they access according.odations that they don't need there and then.

People have to start taking responsibility for themselves rather than expecting everyone else to make their life easier.

Like I said I have a physical disability and my son is profoundly disabled. Dealing with people who don't need accomodations but request them/ fight for them etc makes life harder for my son.

Most people I volunteer with are getting tired of it so I imagine in a while you'll be OK because we will only advocate for our own or those we know are legitimate 🤷‍♀️

How exactly do you prove someone's abusing the system? Highly unlikely to really know all their needs

I remember this being used as an excuse by a train company last year as to why I can't get the assistance I need. They're well aware that the lack of support has resulted in broken ribs. (I've fallen between the gap they tell you to mind) I've been put on the wrong train, told to find staff (good luck doing that as a visually impaired person) and had to try and make my way off the train and out of the station because someone "forgot" to tell my final station that I was on the train. And then tried to blame me for not informing staff I was on the train. I was put on a train by a member of staff

I'm now about to sue them because they're still refusing the assistance that I need

In the case above because they wrote it.

Good luck with the case and I truly mean that, I'm not being nasty or sarcastic. Companies/ services/ employers etc need to be held to account when they fail.

It doesn't make life harder for our kids, they're very obviously profoundly disabled, and as you pointed out upthread, they're never going to be denied accommodation and help.

What it does do is make life harder for people with dynamic and invisible disability, people like my DD who only has autism/adhd and seems 'normal' but isn't and needs help in her exams, or my friend who has MS and looks 'normal' but in fact has no feeling from his knees and elbows and is in god awful pain 100% of the time, or my BFF who has hEDS/POTS/VVS and looks fine if you were sat talking to her but would pass out if she stood up t0o quick, and can't drive because she gets dizzy/double vision, and dislocates her limbs at random.

The few genuinely disabled people who misuse the law are so few and far between should be ignored, tightening the rules would be least likely to affect them, and more likely to affect people like i mentioned above.

That you would advocate for that because you're 'tired' of a few people swinging the lead in their favour is awful, it really is.

People "swinging the lead" does make it harder for our kids. It's an extra person in line or ten, it's the scepticism, the disbelief......

It isn't a few "genuinely disabled" I feel it's many and it's also those who aren't disabled. It's those who are disabled but don't need that help but take it anyway because why not.

Those who really need accomodations wouldn't miss out by a tightening if that was to happen (I doubt it would but hope it would).

Yes I am tired of it and I do feel that legitimacy, options, accomodations are being taken away or overly used.

Remember I'm talking about volunteering my time, energy and expertise it isn't awful to want that to be ringfenced to those with genuine need.

See this doesn't make sense to me. I don't see how he is the most impacted by people claiming accommodations they don't need when his needs are so obvious and he would meet any threshold.

He isn't going to be impacted at work by someone saying they need to sit by the window for sensory reasons, when really they just fancy that seat. He isn't at work for a start.

Surely the people most impacted by others claiming accommodations they don't need, are those who do need accommodations but the disability is less profound.

My son is at a special school with 1 to 1 support but he isn't profoundly autistic so I suppose I do worry that he would not meet thresholds for things if the threshold became profound or no support, to make sure no chancers got help they didn't need.

I also think it's remarkably optimistic to think you absolutely, definitely wouldn't be impacted by any rollback in the Equality Act or disability benefits. Until 1948 there were no disability benefits in the UK at all really. Disabled children were routinely left to die soon after birth well into the 1960s as there was no support.

The sort of people who want to roll back disability accommodations also think women in particular should serve as unpaid carers. Not profoundly autistic but can't attend school without support? No problem, mothers will just mop it up. That is already in the system and the approach. SEND is a feminist issue.

i'm already mopping it up, had to give up work because DS wasn't coping at mainstream, then stay out of work because his special school kept odd hours, then became physically disabled myself.

Now if i wanted to return to work as a TA i'd need so much accommodation for my wheelchair..etc it'd make it very dfficult.

They're not going to make it profound or no support.

Anyone who takes unneeded accomodations takes away from anyone with need. My son has a profound need, the more people who take the micky, the more people get fed up and that will feed into other areas. My son has already been impacted by those who self ID, #actually autistic, the changing of the dx as what autism is defined at or understood to be has changed. You could previously sayautism and it would be understood as to what that means now you can't- that has impacted him. Research has been impacted, accomodations have changed, funding has changed etc

Percival has her view and I've tried to explain mine multiple times but she's determined to present me as an example of someone who abused rights granted to people with disabilities. If the fact that making it far easier for me means not having to spend the entire flight reminding myself I'm the main wage earner and the life insurance doesn't pay out for suicide isn't enough to persuade her that this isn't an 'everybody prefers not to have to wait' sutuation, I don't really think there's anything more I can say!

Although for accuracy because it's really not ok to repeatedly say I said something I didn't: I never said I didn't need priority boarding as a result of my autism. I said I could cope. Others have pointed out how that's not the same thing so I don't need to.

Already doing this, as previously stated I was cabin crew. That doesn't really work with a severly disabled child. I fell into send advocacy naturally.

Most people/ services etc go out of their way to accomodate him as people on the ground are usually good hearted regardless of law so we don't have many arguments. Admittedly I don't take him to autism inclusive specific activities as he's usually too autistic for them so no loss there.

@cockywoof many people cope though, there is a distinct difference between need, cope and disadvantage. I'd like to post a screenshot of what you wrote but it was removed the last time 🤷‍♀️ there are many people that can cope and would find it easier to use preboarding for all sorts of reasons. You detailed the reasons youwear a sunflower lanyard. Can you really not see how this contributes to people being sceptical of accomodations for autism?

@Perzival "there are many people that can cope and would find it easier to use preboarding for all sorts of reasons."

If any of those reasons aren't upheld by the Equality Act and allow for reasonable adjustment on the grounds of disability, then they are irrelevant to the point.

Can you not see that?

Why would you take a flight if it made you suicidal? I'm going to report to mn HD just because you may need other help.

Mental health needs are not autism needs, they are not included in the diagnosis criteria. They are a comorbid condition thatsome people with autism have.

Bringing suicide into the conversation now can be viewed as manipulative.

and in that reply alone you just told me you have zero understanding of autism.

When my son is in meltdown, which is emotional overwhelm from external sensory input, his go-to is suicide ideation, for the simple matter in that moment he cannot cope with being alive.

The point the PP was making was she can 'cope' with flying, but she uses the preboarding due to her autism to make her life easier.. 'easier' being less sensory input, less emotional overload, less overthinking, which similar to my son, can lead to extreme thoughts.

It isn't rocket science and you are being deliberately obtuse, or you have some significant holes in your understanding of Autism.

Yes I see that clearly. If you look at the posters original post around this they clearly state that the accomodations they required were around change/transitions and ensuring they aren't viewed as a "complete arse".

I have no issue with someone using an accomodation when it is required not because it is "far far easier". Context in their reply is important.

No I'm not, what I'm not doing unlike you is filling in the blanks for the other posters. You've assumed it could be for sensory, emotional or overthinking because that is your experience likewise suicide idealation. The poster hasn't said that herself/ himself. Because that is your experience it doesn't mean that is the same for all people with autism.

People with autism can be manipulative, can be clever, can suffer mental health issues. In fact the differing presentations of autism is intrinsic to some of the issues being discussed here.

Just chiming in that while I don’t think a race to the bottom is the way to go, there is ‘levels’ of disability, for want of a better word.

An example being the Taylor Swift concert last year. The way they handled disability tickets was madness and social media etc. was FULL of people complaining they couldn’t get disability tickets despite being disabled and had to buy different tickets. Which yes they should have had access BUT for some people, not being able to get disabled tickets meant they couldn’t go at all as no other ticket was suitable. Wheelchair users not in wheelchair space for example.

So while in an ideal world they should all have the accommodation, where that accommodation is limited (and in this case sold to people without any proof of disability so massively abused) shouldn’t those who have no other option take priority over those who do have other options open to them?

Just now?! I have said multiple times on this thread that my autism has nearly killed me. I have said directly to you when you first accused me of abusing the priority boarding that what I meant by coping was spending time fixating on whether it was better to take myself out of the picture in the same paragraph where I had explained (again) that I needed my work accomodation or I would have to quit my job because I did recognize that it was better for my kids that I was alive.

Feel free to report me. There is no 'just now' about this. It's not manipulative. And anyone who actually does understand autism would also understand that to an autistic person 'coping' by anchoring yourself in the logic that the life insurance wouldn't pay out makes complete sense.

But that is specific venues managing badly (presumably). I got disability tickets at Wembley and definitely needed to provide proof of disability. They also had different seats for ambulatory and non-ambulatory disabled, so no wheelchair user would have lost out by my ticket purchase.

Just because some places don’t get it right doesn’t mean that accommodations shouldn’t be offered.

And I thought we’d got past disability = wheelchair.

And those adaptations are the kind of thing that makes a difference between me being able to work in the job I do (extremely well by the way) and having to quit and take a substantially reduced role (and pay) because I do accept it's more important to my kids I'm alive that I have a 'good job'. And that sunflower lanyard is the difference between me risking ending up lashing out (verbally) at some poor person who's communicated a change to me, or spending most of the journey dreaming of how much easier it would be if I just took myself out of the picture.

I expressly said it to you. This was not the first time I had mentioned this on this thread and Zi don't think I should have to hide the fact that even as someone with 'mild' autism, autism is not something that is easy to live with.

You are the one who then continued to repeatedly state that I was the problem, even after I asked you to stop attacking me and making it personal. I tried to hold back from actually defending myself again because I shouldn't have to, but you just wouldn't stop telling everyone that I was using priority boarding because I fancied getting on the plane quickly.

I'm sorry you hadn't actually read what I'd written, or hadn't understood it. But that's on you, not me. If you want to call someone out personally for not needing something, you can take 5 minutes to actually read their explanation.

That reply you've quoted wasn't a reply to me. Not having an accomodation or autism shouldn't result in suicide.

I'm really glad that you recognise your job isn't worth your life but please do seek further MH support.

Bringing suicide into a debate is manipulative or can be seen as such. I definitely don't want to cause such harm but the prospect of suicide shouldn't be used to shut down debate or as proof that something is true.

I don't doubt that you feel a need to commit suicide if x,y,z but that won't change my beliefs.

Please do get support, especially if this thread is triggering.